Page 32 of Disappearance at Angel's Landing
She felt as though she was sinking and wished the earth would swallow her whole right here. Her heart pounded loud in her ears to the point not even the breaking thunder overhead could penetrate through the haze. The storm seemed to mimic the suffering inside, which only drove her deeper into the spiral.
Her knuckles ached as though she’d spent the past few hours pounding on a bright yellow door that would never welcome her again. Begging to be let in, for someone—anyone—to believe she didn’t deserve this.
But she did, didn’t she?
A sob broke free of her throat, and Lila heaved again until there was nothing left. Rejection and bile left her mouth sticky and dry, but she wouldn’t unpack her water bottle. She deserved to sit in this emptiness, to taste nothing but ash on her tongue for the rest of her life. To go back to being that seventeen-year-old unlovable girl no one wanted.
Her mother had been right all along. Losing Branch proved it, didn’t it? There was nothing she could do—no one she could be—that would make anyone want her. Her brother-in-law had destroyed her, ripped away her sense of self and broken it into a million tiny pieces that could never be recovered. She was nothing. Unimportant, overlooked. Not even pretending to be the bubbly, enthusiastic cheerleader who loved pink and meeting up for coffee convinced people to give her a chance.
Lila swiped her mouth with her hand and sank her back into the cliffside. Rain soaked through her hair and smeared down her face, anything but cleansing. A shiver chased across her shoulders as lightning struck overhead. Risner and the search and rescue team should be here any minute, but as she took in the towering cliffs overhead, she realized she must’ve taken a wrong turn in her desperation to put as much distance between her and Branch as possible. Damn it. There was no way the SAR team would find her unless she got back on the main path to Angel’s Landing. Right then, she felt as airheaded as her fellow rangers believed her to be.
Peeling herself away from the rock face, she trudged back the way she came, following her own treads as a guide. Her throat hurt. Her head hurt. Her heart…hurt.
Branch had effectively drawn her in with promises of understanding and desire and something more and then crushed that hope with nothing more than a few words. Bitterness coated her tongue, and no amount of swallowing got rid of the taste. He’d accused her of trying to kill herself all those years ago to get attention. Just as her mother had before excommunicating her from the family, all the while messaging her photos of herself and her son-in-law going out to lunch together, catching movies together, meeting for coffee.
She’d wanted that. So much. To the point she’d tried to recreate it with her fellow rangers, but something must be…wrong with her. All she’d wanted was someone to choose her, and she’d almost convinced herself Branch had been that person. Her person, but he’d stabbed her heart instead. Used her greatest shame against her and successfully killed off the last shards of hope she’d held onto all these years. Tears burned in her eyes, though she tried to breathe around them. She wasn’t sure she could ever forgive him for that. “If karma doesn’t kill him, I gladly will.”
No. She couldn’t hurt him. Not the way he’d hurt her. Despite the hollowness taking up more space than it had before, a part of her had been dedicated to him since the moment he stepped into Zion. Had fallen in love with him. And that was what hurt the most. Her crush had become something…more over the past few days. Not the numb never-going-to-happen fantasy she’d lived off of. She’d shared trauma with him, shared a bed with him. She’d fallen asleep in his arms and given him a glimpse of the darkness she’d carried. She’d imagined a future with him, trusted him. He’d made her feel alive in a way no search and rescue or climbing assignment or hyperfixation had.
But she tended to overreact to anyone who showed her the slightest hint of kindness. That was what trauma did. It brought her expectations of human decency so low, that even wishing “bless you” after a sneeze urged her to sign over her savings in gratitude.
And she could see now that’d she handed over the most sacred parts of herself to Branch because he’d pulled her out of that cave. He’d saved her life. And while it made sense for her to offer something in return, she’d allowed herself to forget the months of growls, annoyed glances and one-sided conversations between them. He’d made it clear from the beginning, hadn’t he? He’d wanted nothing to do with her since day one, and yet she’d somehow ended up giving him everything that mattered. “Now I get to fill his bed with Nature’s Valley granola bars.”
Lila stepped back onto the main trail that would lead her to the base of Angel’s Landing. The search and rescue team’s position didn’t matter in this storm. They would hunker down until the worst passed, which, judging by the way the wind had picked up and thunder exploded overhead, would be a while yet. She’d get out of here faster—away from Branch sooner—by meeting the team where they were now.
A warning teased at the back of her mind. She knew better than to trek the park alone in the middle of a storm like this, but the need to get back to her crappy little house, eat a crappy lunch of ice cream and pack her crappy belongings drove her along the trail. The truth was, even if Risner somehow didn’t dismiss her from the NPS or reassign her to another park, she wasn’t going back. There was no way she could face Branch on the trails or in staff meetings or in the break room after he’d used her deepest regret against her.
And explaining this all to Sayles… That just wasn’t going to happen. Her roommate had her own life, her own person in the form of an FBI agent who melted anytime he set eyes on Sayles, and Lila wasn’t going to mess with that. “And this is why you never date anyone from work.”
Her fingertips brushed the scar across her neck. The skin tingled there as she recalled Branch’s touch, how he’d been so gentle and caring when he’d asked her to tell him what’d happened. How he’d held her as she exposed every nasty detail of an event that had turned her into a fraud.
But she didn’t know him. Not really.
The man she’d come to know these past two days never would’ve accused her of using this scar for attention. But then maybe she hadn’t really known him at all. Growls, rejection after rejection and negotiating shifts that didn’t involve her had kind of made it hard.
Didn’t matter. Once she met up with the search and rescue team, she’d give Risner her notice, and Branch Thompson would be nothing more than another rhinestone on her mud-caked belt.
The rain washed her boot prints from the mud ahead, but another set took shape. Larger, more widely spaced. She slowed, studying each one. Had the SAR team already caught up with her? The storm should keep them pinned down.
Crouching, she feathered her touch over the ridges breaking apart with each pit of rain. “No treads.”
Lila stood quickly, turning back the way she’d come.
Pain erupted in her gut as the killer’s outline took shape. She looked down. Watched her blood spread across her uniform from where the small knife penetrated. A hand slapped against one shoulder, holding her in place, forcing her to feel every twitch of the knife he held.
“Hello, Ranger Jordan.” The killer slid the knife free of her low belly, still holding her upright. “I’ve been looking for you. There’s still so much more for us to talk about before we were rudely interrupted.”
“You.” Stumbling back, Lila clutched her hand over the wound, free of his hold, but there was no stopping the blood leaking through her fingers. Her entire body swayed as the onslaught of pain intensified. It took everything she had not to compare this moment to the night of her assault, to relive it rather than stay in her head. To fight back. The heels of her boots dipped down as she met the upper rim of the valley.
“You’re a liar like she was, Ranger Jordan.” Sarah Lantos’s killer stepped into her personal space, skimming his breath along her jawline. “And I intend to make you suffer.”
One push. That was all it took for her to go over the edge.
The world tipped on its axis as she fell. Her legs dropped out from under her. Gravity sucked her down to earth as she rolled. Rocks speared into her bruised ribs and cut through the fabric of her uniform. Her hair caught in cacti and bushes and ripped free again and again, tearing chunks from her scalp. She landed at the base of the incline, flat on her stomach.
Blood filled her mouth. Rushed to her head. Thudded too hard in her chest. Stretching one arm out, Lila reached for a palm-size rock a few feet in front of her. Not to escape. She knew that was impossible, but she wouldn’t make this easy forhim, either. Something warm and sticky dropped into her left eye, interrupting her vision. More blood. It dripped from the same incision she’d sustained when Branch had saved her from becoming a human pancake, mixing with rain and puddling beneath her chin.
A boot pressed down onto her forearm as her fingers brushed the rock. The killer crouched beside her, crushing her arm beneath his weight. But it was nothing compared to the agony in her chest. Of knowing Branch wouldn’t be coming to save her again.
