Page 34 of So Worth More
Dr. Arnold was going to be impressed by my progress after weeks of stalling. We’d talked in circles in our sessions, and yes, it’d been helpful to have someone to listen to me, but it didn’t get anyone anywhere.
To finally move forward with Andy, I had to give him what he said he wanted. Andy wanted dates, family, and friends. To be shown that he mattered and that I respected him and cared for him. So that was what he was going to get. If Jonas truly wasn’t competition like Clara had said, then I was going to show him what he really meant to me.
Sending Dr. Arnold an email to follow up on my canceling my regular session, I outlined my weekend of revelations. Then I ordered some flowers for Andy and booked a nice restaurant for the following evening. Nothing too fancy, I knew Andy wouldn’t appreciate that. He liked good food, not when places tried too hard.
After work and picking up the flowers, I looked for some decent paper or a card so I could write what I was feeling. I’d always found it easier to write what I felt rather than say the words. They always got tangled and came out wrong.
I’d taken to carrying around my sketchbook and carefully tore out a drawing I’d done of Andy when we’d been at the cabin. During the first hike we’d taken a fair amount of breaks, and on one of those I took the time to watch Andy with the others. My pencil had flown over the paper almost without thought.
There was something in the expression in the drawing that was quintessentially Andy and I loved the picture. Often, I’d find myself flicking through the book just to look at it.
I carefully folded it into the simple card I’d chosen, just a heart on a plain cream background, and hoped that my words would heal this rift between us.
Approaching his building, I discovered that there was a problem. I had no way of getting this to his door. Calling Alex for advice helped; he suggested that I contact Andy’s neighbor.
Bribing his neighbor twenty dollars to buzz me in and collect the bouquet and card from the elevator was the easiest solution. If I went to Andy’s door myself, he might not answer. Same if I tried calling him.
Not that I hadn’t thought of just calling him. I had. Every second since I’d heard about the date, but to me that was the simple way. I wanted to show Andy that he was worth the time and the effort that was needed to do this properly.
Message sent with the flowers and my note, and now I just had to wait and see if he accepted my dinner invitation.
***
It was strange to come home to someone there. Not only that, but a home-cooked meal. I wasn’t the best cook, but I got by. Quite often I relied on store-bought meals or takeout, so home cooking was a real treat.
Over the space of a day, Alex had transformed in front of me. Gone was the haggard, almost frail, man. He was obviously still thin, but he held himself straight, no longer hunched and heavy with what must’ve been pain and shame. He’d shaved again and his blue eyes twinkled with joy.
“Hey, I hope it’s okay, but Helena said I could have Joe for a couple of hours and give him dinner before dropping him off and picking up some more of my stuff.”
So that was the reason for his happiness. “Of course, I’ve missed him. Where is he?”
I heard feet scampering over the hardwood floors from the corridor where the third bedroom that I’d made into an office was.
“Uncle Will! I made you a drawing. Daddy said I could use some paper and draw while he made dinner.” My nephew held out his picture to me. In it I could see a couple of smudgy people, that I assumed were Joseph and his daddy, next to what looked like a dinosaur.
“Is that a dinosaur?” I asked with wonder in my voice. For a four-year-old, it was a pretty good drawing and I wanted Joe to always have someone encouraging him, no matter what he decided to do, unless it was unsafe of course. I was a good uncle, not irresponsible.
Joe lit up with a beaming smile and I thanked my mother for making sure that I saw my nephew often enough that he knew me and felt comfortable around me.
I knelt to be more on his level and praised his drawing and listened to him explain it to me. Looking up, I saw Alex watching us with a soft look, his eyes glistening like tears were ready to drop, but he took a deep breath and pushed them back.
“Dinner’s ready. Joe, wash your hands first, please.” Alex commanded in a gentle tone.
“Okay, Daddy.” Joe left me holding his picture and dashed off towards the bathroom without question.
“You sure this is okay?” Alex asked.
“Absolutely. Actually I think it’s a great distraction from waiting to hear back from Andy.” I said firmly as I leaned in the doorway watching my brother finish up dinner.
“So you went with the flowers and note?”
Alex began plating up our food, already far more comfortable in my apartment than I’d ever been. I didn’t have it in me to resent him for that either. My apartment felt better for having him here.
We ate together at the table with Joe perched on his dad’s knee since there were only two seats.
“I’m going to order a bigger table and more chairs this weekend for sure,” I told Alex. Turning to Joe I asked, “What do you think, Joe? At least four seats, right?”
He nodded and started counting off on his fingers. “A chair for me, Daddy, Uncle Will, Mommy, Craig and the new baby. So this many!” he said, holding up his small hands with the incorrect number of fingers down.
