Page 9 of So Worth More
I rolled my eyes internally at where my thoughts were headed. This guy had me so messed up. After trying for months to keep him at a distance, trying to have my cake and eat it (yes, I was using all the cliché sayings today), I could admit there were some feelings there. I just didn’t know if I had it in me to do anything with them. Inside I was terrified about letting someone in. What we had was safe, easy, and fun.
On the outside, Andy didn’t look like he would be as wild as he was. There was a mischievous streak to him that got my motor running. Sexually, our connection was intense, like nothing I’d felt before. Andy was sweet and kind. He needed to be kept away from all my bullshit.
Deciding that it was time to clear the air with Andy, I sent him a quick text.
Will: Could we talk after the rest clear out?
Andy: Sure, that’s probably a good idea.
It was a relief to see that we were on the same page about this. Both of our futures at Parker’s rested on this project going well. My plan was to let him know that I’d leave if we couldn’t get our shit together. With plenty of money left over from my inheritance, and if I sold my apartment, I could start over anywhere and there’d be no rush to get a new job. There’d be time to figure things out.
The more I thought about moving, the more it appealed to me. Starting fresh. I also wondered if it was a knee-jerk response to the stuff with Andy; embarrassment around how we had ended our thing making me want to run away like a little kid.
Over the weekend I’d chatted with my sister about colleges and she had narrowed it down some. I’d kept the idea of following her quiet though, as I’d gotten the distinct impression that she was keen to strike out on her own, well away from our family and all the drama that came with it. Couldn’t say that I blamed her there.
The room cleared out slowly and I could see Andy making excuses to hang back, clearly not wanting to let people know he was waiting for me. I turned to the materials in front of me and picked up my tablet, pretending that I didn’t notice him.
One thing I’d learned early on was that Parker’s loved gossip, and Clara was the gossip queen. Honestly, how Andy and I had kept our hook-ups under wraps baffled me. I didn’t think that we were particularly subtle about some of the looks we had given each other, or that couple of times we had ended up in the bathroom together. Or that one time, in this conference room, where Andy had sucked me off from under this very table. My lips quirked as I remembered that.
It’d been a dare really, but he figured I’d thought he wouldn’t do it. Often at the start of a week we would have other stuff going on so we didn’t have the chance to meet up for sex. So, by the middle of the week, sexual tension was high.
Monday to Wednesday was foreplay for us. More so if I’d pissed Andy off, which, let’s face it, was all too often. I’d flirt and tease to get back into his good graces, which didn’t take all that much most of the time; it was more banter than really being angry with me. When he was really upset, I took those times seriously, because, despite how I’m sure it came across, I did care about him. One time, I actually sent him flowers here at the office to say sorry and his team had teased him about his “secret admirer” for days after. He instantly knew it was me when I winked at him.
After work he’d all but dragged me home with him, and shown his appreciation by sucking me off before I’d fucked him. We ordered take out and ate it in his bed before going another round. As he lay sleeping, I had lain awake, hesitating.
There was a part of me, one that had been growing, that wanted to wrap him in my arms and stay there all night, but the fear was still there. I wasn’t ready to risk my heart on more. So I tidied up, left a cheeky note, and left him to sleep alone.
Andy’s approach startled me from my thoughts, and a grin quickly moved over his all too expressive face. Andy was cute, and far too good for me. I honestly didn’t get why more guys weren’t getting in line to be with him.
His blond brown hair was cut close on the sides but longer on the top, and after hours of the meeting, it was messy from running his hands through it, often in exasperation. He loved it when I ran my fingers through his hair, grabbed at it and pulled, no more so than when he had my cock in his mouth. He’d wink and say, “harder” in that adorable way that got me hot.
His big blue eyes reminded me of summer skies. He hated that his nose was a little upturned and had complained about it more than once, but I loved it. I wanted to lay kisses on it. Andy’s nose gave his face character along with his thick brows, full lips and sharp cheekbones. While he went to the gym, he insisted it was to keep lean, and not for any vanity. To me, he was perfection. He didn’t have a lot of body hair, and struggled to grow a beard, but his skin was gorgeous, pale, smooth, and soft. I’d never met anyone that I wanted more with, ever. And yet I had to give him up because as much as I craved him, he wanted more than I could give. Deciding then and there that he needed to be in my life somehow, I resolved to at least be his friend. I could do that, right?
It was easy to see that he understood how important this was just from the expression on his face and the tentative way that he took a seat opposite me. I frowned at the fact that he was all the way over there. He wasn’t afraid of me, was he? Had I really been that rough that I’d scared him?
That thought settled like lead in my stomach and bile rose in my throat. Rough play, when safe and consensual, was hot as hell. I was totally into that and, from experience, so was Andy, but the last time had been different in some way, more raw. I’d poured my stress and frustration into every thrust. Held a little tighter as I felt us slipping away from my careful control. Had I crossed a line? Any sort of abuse wasn’t acceptable to me, and I needed to know for sure that I hadn’t gone beyond his limits. There’s no way I’d ever forgive myself if I’d scared Andy or caused him physical pain.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted as he settled into the seat. “if I was too rough. The last time. I know I took it a bit too far, so if I….”
Andy smiled, and that more than anything made relief wash through me. “Nah, well, yes. Rougher than usual, but I know that if I’d asked you to ease up you would’ve. If I’d said stop you’d have stopped. You would’ve, right?” I nodded at him, beyond words at how grateful I was that I hadn’t done irreparable damage to our relationship, thing, whatever it was.
Seeing that I was working through my thoughts, Andy forged ahead. “So we need to work together, but I think stopping the sex was probably the best idea. Even without last time, I think, if I’m honest…” his words came to a halt as his face flushed scarlet. Taking a deep breath, he went on, “It was starting to mean more to me than I think it was to you. I was wanting more. Dates, being around friends and family. No sneaking about. A proper relationship. You’ve been honest with me from the start that you don’t want a boyfriend and I agreed to that, so, yeah…” he trailed off, clearly embarrassed at admitting all that.
A part of me just wanted to shout out, “I want all that! I want to be your boyfriend!” but fear kept me silent, and Andy took that to mean that he’d been right, that I didn’t want a relationship still. I was so torn up about it. I could see what a real relationship with Andy would be like, and it looked like a dream. Friends, family, things I’d given up. To keep him in my life, I had to give him something and that dream was the cost.
“I’m not ready for that kind of thing and I don’t know if I ever will be. I’ve had all that before and it was ripped away from me in the worst way.” The words tangled up on my tongue, bitterness still fresh enough to choke me all these years later. “The pain that it caused changed me. But we have this project, the office, our friends at the gym…so we need to do something.” Looking over at him, I smirked. “You’ve been avoiding places you think I might be.” He looked ready to interject, so I held up a hand, “Henry told me about the different classes you tried.” I laughed then remembering the story of the yoga class and the description of Andy’s face as he iced his groin.
“What?” Andy looked horrified.
“Yoga.”
He buried his head in his hands and groaned. “I’m gonna kill him. He said he wouldn’t tell anyone!”
Laughter burst from me. “You didn’t believe him, did you? You should know him better than that!”
Andy looked up at me with a mock glare before laughing too. “Fair point.”
We took a minute, just enjoying being together without all the tension that had followed us lately. The last couple of weeks had been hard, and I think that I’d forgotten how much I liked being around Andy. “I think we should hang out, try and be friends, just friends, no benefits,” I said with a wink and he gave a snorting laugh.
