Page 2 of So Worth More
Aside from our games, Will and I usually managed to be civil and professional while working, after the initial bumps, that is. We didn’t have to like each other to work well together. We at least had respect for each other’s abilities. Or at least I know I did. Will was talented, no doubt, and while we had issues outside of work, I admired how Will ran his projects. Today though, that professional veneer was slipping.
The day progressed almost like a normal Monday, except that I used every opportunity to avoid the shared desk like the thing was going to bite me. I chose to work in the art circle, picking up an art tablet or sitting down with the copy editors and drawing up slogans instead. At one point, I even went up to the PR floor rather than sending an email and had a chat with Jeremy about where they wanted an ongoing campaign to go.
Lunch was spent out at a cafe with my tablet instead of ordering in and eating at our desk. There was no chance of me using the men’s room at the end of the hall and risking getting cornered. I’d learned that lesson… eventually, anyway. Will seemed to thaw over the day as I gave him space. We’d had arguments before during our “thing” or whatever it was, but this time I was done and until I worked up the courage to tell him, it was best to avoid any situations where we could be alone.
Picking up my phone at the end of the day, having avoided the thing as much as the desk, I saw a message from Will that I promptly ignored, not ready to deal with it. Instead, I flicked the notifications away and opened up the gym’s app. In order to successfully dodge Will, I’d need to change up my gym routine, and the yoga class that started in forty-five minutes would be a perfect escape.
Thank god there was no chance of Will attending it, because I needed a good stretch and workout. Anxiety over the weekend had my muscles feeling tight and prickly.
My phone buzzed in my hand with another message from Will. I hovered over the reply button for a minute before going into the chat and muting it for a day. Maybe then Will would get the hint, or maybe I’d finally feel brave enough to say something to him. I wanted to believe that my resolve would hold, but I’d been close to pulling the plug before and folded.
For a second I thought about blocking him, but occasionally there was work stuff that came up that we had to talk about, and in all honesty, I knew that I really should say something to Will, redefine this thing, but it was just a bit raw for me today. Maybe tomorrow.
***
Tuesday was much the same as Monday and Clara had gotten me alone to ask what was going on as the atmosphere had gotten worse in the office. Will’s face was stuck in what appeared to be a permanent glare. Somehow the unapproachable air and bad attitude made him hotter. He growled at the Tuesday check in meeting instead of speaking, which had me half hard for most of the morning when I thought about it. Will’s team was even looking to me for answers. I had managed to fob Clara off with “nothing much, just a difference of opinion,” which she only frowned at. My weak attempt at keeping it vague seemed to leave Clara with more questions.
No one at work knew about us hooking up. It was one of Will’s rules, which I had actually agreed with since it wasn’t anyone’s business but ours. We’d worried that we would lose the respect of the staff. Our rivalry was often the target of many jokes, my colleagues joking about our apparent love/hate relationship and often we took part, making probably horribly inappropriate murder jokes. At least we did when Will wasn’t freaking out over an innocent shoulder touch and some pretty on the nose assumptions from our shared friends.
Taking a minute to get myself together, I decided to grab another coffee in the break room and message Will back. I hadn’t read any of the messages that Will had sent, knowing that it was likely to be baseless accusations and then some cajoling. Apologies for overreacting were unlikely so I continued to ignore them and quickly drafted a message.
Andy: I think that what we’ve been doing is a mistake and we should stop. Don’t contact me unless it’s about work, okay? I think some space is a good idea.
My gut clenched with anxiety as I waited for a response. I didn’t have to wait long, as around half a minute later came the reply.
Will: Fine.
Fine?He thought it was fine? After months of this,thatwas his response? I let out a huff of annoyance while running a hand through my dark blond hair, tugging at the slightly over-long strands in frustration. My eyes narrowed, I watched Will from the doorway of the break room as he got up from his side of the desk, grabbed his things and stormed out of the office without a backwards glance. Sure he was fine, alright.
Two - Will
The office bustled around me while frustration boiled inside; granted there was also a sliver of guilt prickling at me, but mostly it was anger. Yesterday in the office was so uncomfortable. Rationally, I knew that I’d overreacted with Andy on Friday. Why I had gone home with him that night when internally I’d been freaking out, half of me just wanting to flee, I didn’t know.
Having spent all weekend and yesterday thinking about things, I knew that I’d been rougher than I’d intended, not that Andy didn’t like it a little rougher on occasion, but this was beyond that. I’d been selfish, taking what I wanted and that sense of shame that made me flee still came to the forefront of my brain when I thought of it. I’d treated Andy like a hump and dump, which he didn’t deserve. That I knew for sure. Unfortunately I didn’t seem to know how to apologize and redraw boundaries because it sure looked like Andy needed a reminder. We might both hang out with the guys, but we weren’t friends, we couldn’t be. Andy didn’t fit in my world, in my life. He’d be chewed up and spat out. He was too nice. Too normal. So, co-workers and gym buddies only, a hook up, and absolutely not a boyfriend.
Just thinking of the way the guys had looked at us with knowing glances got me riled up again and I clenched my fists under the desk, taking a couple of deep breaths to calm me down. Andy was great in bed, and out of it.If those shower stalls at the gym could talk,I thought to myself with a quick grin. Possibly the best sex I’d ever had. We were compatible in the bedroom at least, and had great chemistry, but that’s all there was to us, it was superficial. There wasn’t anything extra I could give him. More to the point, as cold as it might sound, I didn’t want to. I preferred having something quick and easy, no strings, no commitments, just decent sex when I wanted it and I didn’t see that changing. It wasn’t hurting anyone. I thought the whole point of having rules was to keep us on the same page, that way there weren’t any expectations of anything I couldn’t give. I didn’t want to hurt Andy. As much as the guy bugged me at times, I knew he was a decent person.Far too good for the likes of you really,my inner voice snarked at me.
Andy wouldn’t even look at me though, and resisted any attempts at conversation. He wouldn’t answer any of my messages. I’d tried not to hound him, not wanting to look desperate, but I knew that we had to clear the air. I didn’t think I’d be able to relax properly, take that weight off, until I knew we were okay.
There was a buzzing sound from my pocket and I grabbed out my phone to see a text from Andy.Finally! Except, instead of relief, I felt anger boil over inside of me as I read the text.A mistake?My thoughts kept tripping on those words even as I typed my reply. It was time to go before I said something, did something, that I would regret. Normally I was far more even tempered, but this whole situation had me on a knife edge and I really didn’t want to lose this job. Gathering up my stuff, I stalked out of the office, forcing myself not to look for Andy before I left.
Rounding the corner quickly, I slammed into someone. “Watch it!” I growled.
“Sorry!” came the squeaky reply and I looked down to see one of my artists, James, who’d worked with me at my last job.
Reaching for him I mumbled, “Sorry! Sorry, dude, didn’t see you. You okay?” softening my tone and rubbing James’ shoulders. Seeing James nod quickly, his face red from embarrassment, I continued, “I gotta run. Appointment. And I’m late. I have my cell if anyone needs me and my tablet. It’s unlikely I’ll be back today.”
“Oh, okay boss,” the guy stammered.
Glancing at him quickly I realized with no small amount of guilt, that I’d knocked the iced coffee James had been holding and it had spilled down his shirt. “I’ll pay for dry cleaning, just let me know how much. Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going. I really gotta run. See you tomorrow?” Turning, I didn’t wait to hear a reply and didn’t look back at James who seemed frozen.Shit! The gossips are gonna love this.
***
The appointment had been at the gym, with a punching bag. Sometimes hitting something was the only way to get the anger out, to work out my aggression on the battered leather. It was something that had been recommended by a therapist during my teens after another expulsion. Yet I kinda felt that coming here had maybe been a mistake as the whole place was filled with memories of Andy. He’d been the one to introduce me to the place, and later offered to spot me while I lifted, when we happened to appear there at the same time. Feeling strangely nostalgic and thinking of him brought me back to my first day’s meeting with the board and my new co-manager.
Parker PR and Advertising was supposed to be my fresh start. I didn’t know anyone in this place so I couldn’t be accused of getting the job through nepotism. The job was mine based on pure talent and ability. I‘d earned this and I deserved it all on my own merit.
Somehow though, in my haste to take the job, I’d missed the part where the title was a joint one. There was already a project manager and he seemed well liked and respected, so it was unlikely he was shit at his job and about to be fired for me to replace him. Clearly, I’d frowned at my thoughts and the other guy must have seen it, thinking that the frown was for him. He glared back at me, which was just great, I thought to myself. Alienating a colleague in less than five minutes? A new record, I berated myself, internally rolling my eyes. Well, I wasn’t there to be liked, and as long as this guy stuck to his lane, I would be cool and professional.
