Page 33 of So Worth More
Alex cringed when I told him about pushing Andy away after promising to fix things and he held me as I cried when I broke down over Andy dating someone else.
We ordered more food later, because half a bottle of whiskey gone on an empty stomach was a bad idea. Drunk, we cleared the air as much as we could and likely forgot most of what was said.
Having Alex around wasn’t quite the same as it was before. It never would be, but Andy wasn’t Helena and I’d been looking at this all wrong. He should have been here with me as I helped my brother start to heal. Andy would’ve given me his love and support to allow me to help my family. I’d been so stupid and may have missed my chance with the best thing to ever happen to me.
Twenty Six - Andy
I’d been woken several times throughout the night into Sunday by my phone ringing and vibrating with messages on the nightstand. Frustrated and a little tipsy from all the champagne at the gala, I’d eventually switched my phone off.
Getting up after only a couple of hours of sleep was hard. My head hurt and my throat was dry, but I didn’t want to lounge in bed all day. I knew that I’d have to turn my phone on soon, but I wanted to ignore reality for a while longer.
The gala had been a great experience. I smiled at the memories of the night as I hung up the beautifully made tux that I’d lain over the back of the sofa. The people had been welcoming and warm, the atmosphere hopeful as donations came rushing in. I’d placed some small bids on things like spa packages and other items that I thought Abby would appreciate if I won them.
Her Christmas gift was going to be the photo shoot I won for her. The photographer offered to take photos of Abby’s designs and tailoring for her online store to help her grow her business. She could have a couples shoot if she wanted, though.
After hanging up my tux, showering and eating breakfast, I bit the bullet and turned on my phone.
Notification after notification flooded in and I regretted breakfast. Scanning through the messages, I was relieved that the press hadn’t gotten my number or email address yet. It was unlikely that they were going to ignore me forever, but I could have hope that would be the case.
Most of the messages were from my sister. Compliments on how Jonas and I looked together and comments on how positively the press were reporting the gala. She asked if we’d hit it off and if there would be any more dates. I really didn’t want to burst that bubble, but even if Jonas and I hadn’t both been hung up on other people, I didn’t think we were compatible.
I’d worried that the focus would be off the charity but Jonas had assured me that he’d warned them and that it’d raise their profile. He’d also given a significant donation, just in case.
Jonas had been great and I really hoped that he got his guy. I wasn’t sure what would happen with mine. I knew that he didn’t use social media, having deleted his profiles years ago.
As I sat pondering the situation, messages came in from Henry, Pete and Brad. All variations of, “What the fuck?” They couldn’t have missed how strained it was between Will and I recently. I’d taken to reducing the amounts of time I spent with Will in a subtle way. At first I had started doing shorter, more frequent workouts, then I made excuses not to go to the bar or meet up on the weekends. It just made it easier, but I missed spending time with my friends.
I didn’t reply to the guys. I felt bad about that, but I just wanted Will’s reaction. Once I told them there was nothing in it, that it wasn’t a real date, there was a risk that they’d tell him that. As petty as the whole thing was, I wanted to be the one to reassure him. I wanted him to come to me for answers.
Last night had given me a taste of an easier life, of dates and fun, easy conversation and uncomplicated affection. A taste of exactly what I wanted for myself.
Now I had to decide if I wanted Will to fight for what we could have, or if I wanted to give it up for good.
***
When I didn’t hear from him all day, even after a message from Henry saying that Will knew, I kind of shut down a little. I don’t know what I expected, but this silence wasn’t it and it broke something inside me.
Hiding in bed, phone on mute, I passed the night tossing and turning, not really getting any real rest until exhaustion and sadness pulled me into sleep.
While I didn’t wake up properly rested, I at least didn’t look as awful as I felt. Getting ready for work on autopilot, I tried to stop obsessively checking my phone. Putting on the radio to cover the silence, I made the mistake of tuning in just as the entertainment news came on.
The news was still filled with stories about me and Jonas, but it seemed aside from my first name, there wasn’t much information on me. The focus was more on the discussion about actors taking charge of how their personal lives are shown in the media.
It was a relief to get into the office and to try and focus on the campaigns that we were about to run. I spotted a couple of questioning glances and fully expected questions from Clara. I shut her down before she could ask, telling her that Jonas and I were friends and that he knew my sister. There was a part of me that wanted to hold that information back, but since Will knew and still hadn’t said anything, or even approached me, then there was no point in hiding the truth.
I obviously was giving off a “don’t fuck with me” vibe because I was able just to concentrate on my work rather than having to answer questions all day. While useful for work, it was lonely. I had several messages from Jonas, checking that I was okay and one with a picture of him and his man. In it, Jonas was pressing a kiss to the other guy’s cheek. Both were smiling, so it seemed our plan worked out for him at least.
There were a number of times throughout the day that I spotted Will watching me, a look of sadness on his face that was quickly hidden if he noticed anyone watching him. He looked rough, like he was hungover, and spent a lot of the day on his phone.
We didn’t talk about anything that wasn’t work related and it seemed that we were both trying not to even need to do that either. I caught myself wanting to cry at how things had turned out. So much for soon, or for being his number one.
Twenty Seven - Will
I’d taken Clara aside to get the gossip on the date and almost fell to my knees with relief when she revealed that they’d just gone as friends. There was still a chance that I could fix this with Andy.
Over my lunch break, I took the time to really think through what I could do to turn this situation around. First things first though, I needed to apologize for pulling away and leaving him waiting.
My brother thought that perhaps this date had been Andy’s way of showing me that he wasn’t going to wait around forever. Why else would it be so public? It felt strange to be taking advice from my brother again, but it also gave me a warm feeling. Having Alex back in my life was going to be an adjustment. We weren’t the same people we used to be.
