Page 17 of For All It's Worth
My head shot up and I looked at him in question as he sat back in his seat.
“You did?”
“Yes. As I said to your mother, I felt it was more appropriate to allow you a couple of days to adjust to being back in the family home. I wanted to give you the space that you wouldn’t have had at the facility and see how you felt then. This is a key juncture in your recovery.” He paused assessing me. “A lot of people return to using, being unable to cope with reality. It isn’t that I wanted you to sink, I just wanted you to show that you could swim.”
The room fell silent while I processed his words.
“Mom and I argued about the session since we’re being honest.”
Evan nodded as if he had expected that. “You have a difficult relationship. One that I see being a lot of stress for you in the coming months.”
“What do I do then?”
“It isn’t my place to advise you, Charlie, remember that. I’m only here to give you the tools to deal with your addiction and help you stay sober.”
My heart sank even though I knew that was what he was going to say. He’d said it before, after all.
“That being said, I can help you work through it. Tell me, what would you say to someone who had a difficult family relationship like yours?”
We sat quietly while I thought about what I would say to someone in the same situation as me.
“I’d say that they need their own space and boundaries.” I received an approving nod. “If they wanted to work on the relationship, that was fine as long as both knew where they stood and that both sides made the effort.”
“Right. Anything else?”
“I’d remind them that although they’d messed up before, they had the right support and tools to do better and that they would only know their progress if they actually tried. Get rid of the armbands.”
Evan nodded at me. “Have you contacted any of your friends? Made any plans?”
I shook my head. “Most of them haven’t contacted me since I was in the hospital. Only Max really bothers with me now.”
“And what about Max? Do you have plans to see him? It’s been months, right? I believe that a condition of your friendship resuming was that you got help.”
“Yes.”
“But?”
“Well… He’s wanted to see me but I’ve been vague.”
“Why is that?”
“I’m nervous.”
He looked at me and I could see the unasked question.
“I’m worried that there’s too much hurt there.” I paused and he waited for me to continue. “Whatever I did must have been something big for him to cut me off like that.”
“It’s not just that though, is it?”
“No.”
“Charlie?”
“What if I’ve changed too much, or even not enough, and I lose him? What happens when I meet him again and it’s all weird and uncomfortable? Max got me through rehab.”
“How so?”
“Just the thought of him being out there waiting for me to do the program and get well….It was the only thing keeping me going some days. When shit got hard or when they hit a nerve.”
