Page 26 of For All It's Worth
Chapter Eleven
Charlie
Crackingopenmygrittyeyes at the break of dawn was not how I wanted to start my day, especially after fuck all sleep. My body was a heavy weight, exhaustion pulling at my sore limbs.
With how gentle we were in the gym yesterday and the steam session after, I thought I’d have escaped that feeling, but nope, there was a ton of pain. It was a good hurt though, how my muscles should have been feeling, instead of the aches that had plagued me in rehab.
Despite being tired, I couldn’t sleep with the worry about seeing Max after months.
We’d texted back and forth a little last night and something like our usual dynamic was there, but we didn’t joke around quite the same. We were restrained in the way that messages came across. The whole thing was odd. My anxiety rocketed all over with thoughts of what could happen. I imagined like Evan suggested, taking all of my worries, everything I couldn’t change, and turning them into a ball. Then I picked up the ball of anxiety and instead of letting it sit on my chest where it could suffocate me, I threw it away.
There was a point when I contemplated calling Evan out of hours. He’d said I could before and I’d just be billed an extra fee, but I thought back to some of the techniques that I’d learned between him and the center, and calmed myself down. The anxiety didn’t let me get any real sleep, but at least I could take a full breath with no issues. I assumed I dozed in snatches of stolen sleep which were full of nightmares or weird-ass scenarios that just wouldn’t happen. Like Max kicking me out of Books & Biscuits as soon as I appeared and laughing in my face for being so dumb that I thought he needed my help, or just closing the door in my face.
Those were the ones that hurt the most. I guess I’d never really thought about my place in Max’s life now. He had it all going for him. Did he really need a recovering alcoholic best friend dragging him down? I had no place of my own. For fuck’s sake, I was thirty and living with my mom and sister. Sure, they’d basically forced me to give up my apartment, but no one was going to listen to that excuse. I didn’t even have a job since I wasn’t allowed near my club.
I couldn’t go back to working for the family’s company even if I wanted to, since Alex ran that and he was still acting like a dick to me. At the welcome home dinner, it was obvious that any headway we’d made in fixing our relationship had been undone. Things with Will were so much better, and it had taken Andy to offer up the reason for Alex’s cold behavior towards me. Apparently, Alex had seen how close we were and had pulled him aside and warned him away from me because I was a “snake.” Charming.
Will, to his benefit, had assured me and his fiancé that he had no worries on that score, that he liked that we were getting to be good friends. He even ended the night by hugging me. I couldn’t remember the last hug we shared. He’d whispered in my ear, “I trust you.” My throat had been too clogged with sudden tears and I could only offer him a watery smile in reply.
Instead of dwelling on shit I couldn’t do anything about at that moment, I got myself ready for the day ahead.
There was no real dress code for Books & Biscuits, with Max providing t-shirts with a logo he’d designed on it, so I threw on some comfortable black jeans and a forest green t-shirt and called it good enough.
I spent far too long messing with my hair in my bathroom mirror before giving up and cursing myself for not getting it cut since I’d gotten home. I could do with a shave too, a good close one, as a few days’ worth of stubble covered my face but I’d left it too late to do anything about that. There was no time to do it myself if I wanted to get to the café early so I could talk to Max.
My stomach was in knots, so breakfast was out.
After a lecture from Mom about not eating, I accepted the protein shake she handed me, kissed her cheek, snagged a light jacket, and headed out to the car that was waiting.
The city sped by and it seemed like no time had passed before we were pulling up to the store.
Books & Biscuits was dark, the blinds down, and showed no signs of life. Unsure what to do, I had the driver park and wait for a few minutes as I sent Max a text letting him know I was there.
After a minute, the blinds in the bookstore were raised and I saw Max standing, lit up and looking as angelic as he had the first time that I’d seen him all those years ago.
Getting out of the car and thanking the driver, I couldn’t help but return the grin that Max gave me. Maybe things would be okay with us after all.
Before I could get there, Max hurried to the door and yanked it open, rushing over to me. He slammed into me, wrapping his arms around my middle and squeezing tightly.
“Ouch! Careful. I’m a bit sore still.” I said reluctantly. I wanted to keep holding him, but I should have done some stretches or something because I suddenly felt worn and achy. Relief at his greeting carried my worries away and the weight on my shoulders lessened.
Max didn’t let go, but his hug did gentle, holding me like I was made of glass. It made me regret saying anything.
Settling my chin on his white-blond head, I inhaled the scent of him, the familiar shampoo and smell of my Max. He tried to pull away but I held on firmly. “In a sec.”
I felt more than I heard his chuckle, and his arms tightened briefly around me before he grabbed handfuls of my t-shirt, settled his face against the base of my neck, and sighed.
This was what peace felt like. Better than any medicine. More healing than all my hours of therapy. Exactly where I needed to be.
“I’m sorry, Max. Whatever I did. I’ll fix it if I can. I’ll be better. I promise.”
Max sighed again but made no effort to move away from me. His hands gripped tighter at my shirt. “I know. I believe in you.”
I let out a shuddering breath at the sincerity in his voice.
“You ready to tell me what I did?”
“Not yet, but soon Charlie. Come on, we need to get inside. The bakery will be in soon with the delivery.”
