Page 13 of For All It's Worth
Chapter Five
Max
I’dvisitedwithCharlie’smom before he got out of the hospital and gave her the small gift that I’d gotten her, as well as the gifts for Matty and Charlie.
She looked at me with concern when I’d let her know that I wouldn’t be spending Christmas with them, but thanked her for the invitation. Usually, Charlie and I would spend Christmas together. While he didn’t open for customers on Christmas Day, he still opened the doors to staff. They had always held a potluck for those without families to celebrate the holiday together.
When she asked me about my plans, I’d been vague, unwilling to make her feel bad. If Charlie and I had been in a better place then I’d have loved nothing more than to spend it with his family again. I knew it’d never be like it was before Alex and Helena got married and the fall out of that, but I could see them getting past it all eventually. They may have had difficult times, but there was a lot of love between them.
Nerves filled me as I waited for our Christmas call. I both did and didn’t want to speak to Charlie, to hear his familiar voice. I wanted to believe that he was missing me as much as I missed him, but the anxious part of me worried that I’d be forgotten in the healing he was doing with his family.
Charlie called in the evening on Christmas, making sure that he’d have plenty to say.
“I met Andy today,” he said.
“Andy?” I squashed the bitterness at feeling left out, trying not to let it show in my tone.
“Will’s new boyfriend.”
I sucked in a breath as I had a brief flashback of the time I think I was spiked. I had to have been, I hadn’t had much to drink. Certainly not enough to make me vomit in the street like I did. I vaguely recalled Will telling me something about Andy as he took me home, though I hadn’t been in any state to talk to him much. “What’s he like?”
“He’s cool.” I could almost hear Charlie’s shrug. “Fits in great with everyone.” It gave payment to my fears until Charlie said. “I wish you’d been there though, it wasn’t the same without you. I get why you weren’t, but Max, it sucked until I could get over myself. I did a lot of the damage here. I know it’s my fault that things are rough and that’s why you didn’t come, but I just wanted you with me.”
My heart swooped and soared. I hated hurting Charlie, but this would be good for him long-term. It was enough that he’d wished for me, it had to be. It soothed my worries.
I evaded questions about what I’d done all day, turning them back on him. He knew as well as I did that I had no family and I’m pretty sure that he could guess how my day had been, he just didn’t call me out on it and for that I was glad. My mom had been young when she’d had me and I’d grown up with the knowledge that as soon as I was eighteen, I was on my own.
Charlie and I had been roommates in our second year of college. I was a poor scholarship student and he was the popular rich boy.
Charlie should have had that rich boy charm, being graced with smiles everywhere he went, especially with how he looked. His Greek heritage combined with those stunning dark blue eyes should have had people agreeing to anything. He’d been given the best of everything since birth, including a private school education, but he failed miserably when dealing with people he didn’t need to. The man was a leader and hated to conform.
We were an odd match. He had zero people skills and the talent of pissing people off, whereas I was voted “Actual Ray of Sunshine” in high school. My high school was weird and I think the guidance counselors were in some sort of hippie cult or something because we weren’t allowed to have negative categories. In short, I made friends easily and went around after Charlie smoothing ruffled feathers so he’d keep me around. In return, he looked after me like an overbearing bodyguard when we were out getting drunk and trying to get laid.
While it wasn’t the best Christmas ever, it wasn’t the worst either. Deciding not to throw myself a pity party and maybe gain a little perspective, I volunteered at a homeless shelter serving meals for those less fortunate than myself. I’d been invited elsewhere but didn’t want my low mood to bring anyone else down. So, okay, maybe I didn't have any family, but I had some great friends, my own business, and a home. Which was more than most of these people had, so I should be grateful right?
I didn't have a lot of close friends. Great ones, but not friends as close to me as Charlie, anyway. Recently I’d become close to my assistant manager at my café-bookshop, Books & Biscuits. Acting as my sounding board, she listened to me talk about Charlie a lot over the last couple of weeks. Kristen has had to pick up the pieces after the fights that we had, which couldn’t help but make us closer. Kristen had been a godsend in the couple of years since I’d taken her on. I was lucky that I could afford to hire an assistant manager and take some time off not too long after opening. It was hit and miss with cafés like mine, but I’d been fortunate. Maybe I’d relied on Kristen a little too much during all this crap with Charlie, but knowing her as I did now, she’d tell me if I was getting on her last nerve. She was forthright to a fault. I kinda loved that about her.
She was quick enough to say that she didn’t understand why I wasn’t spending all my time at the hospital with Charlie, but it was difficult to explain my feelings and how we had left things, or why tough love was needed.
I didn't think that she understood addict behavior until I explained it. Addicts will always be full of promises, assuring you that they’ll change, that it won't happen again, that the addiction isn't in control of them. I'd been down this path with my mother, her medicating with alcohol to make up for her frustrating life, being saddled with a child at such a young age, and having no support.
Charlie could promise to me all that he liked but in the end, until he worked on himself, his addiction would win out. Our friendship was the only bargaining chip that I had. It's not like I enjoyed being separated from him. It hurt. A lot. So had being dumped in a club for the flavor of the week or being ignored because he’d gotten caught up arguing with some random person.
There were other red flags but I didn’t have the mental energy to dwell on them. I wanted Charlie to figure it out.
Will rescuing me from a handsy creep had been a bit of a wake-up call for me. I’d been far too drunk, and not entirely sure I hadn’t been slipped something, so I’d started only drinking from bottles I’d seen opened or having soft drinks. It had been all too easy to be swept up with Charlie and it was affecting the rest of my life. Unfortunately, being sober highlighted how much Charlie was drinking and how little he was listening to me.
Rehab would be the thing that would make or break our friendship. If he ducked out of going, then that would be it for us. If he went, but started drinking again, then I didn’t know what I’d do.
I wanted the sweet Charlie from the start of our friendship back, but I often wondered if I was wishing for the impossible.
