Page 37 of For All It's Worth
Chapter Fifteen
Charlie
I’mnotashamedofneeding to have therapy. I was with Will, and now Andy, when it came to this; it was a useful tool to have in order to deal with some of life’s shit. Mentally healthy people have had it or are having it. There was no shame there.
Ordinarily, I’d have had no problem with Max meeting my therapist…if my therapist looked like anything other than Evan.
The man was cool, effortlessly so. Smart and empathetic, too. Mom did a great job when she not only found a gay therapist, not that his sexuality really counted, but one that was a recovering addict himself. He got me, and it made everything so much easier. I honestly had come to enjoy our sessions.
The only problem that I had was that he was a gorgeous man and he’d wanted to meet Max since I started working at Books & Biscuits.
Evan claimed it was to understand my support system and since technically Max was my boss, we had that dynamic to deal with, too. I’d set up a session with Will, which had been strangely easy to do, and I’d already had a few with Mom and one with Matty.
Alex, though, wouldn’t even consider it. I was given a flat no and he hung up on me. Even Evan frowned when I related the conversation, which was a rare facial expression to see on his too handsome face.
I’d put off asking Max several times. I knew he’d make the time for me. Work had calmed down with the addition of a few more employees, but I just didn’t want Max and Evan in the same room.
I must have put that thought out into the universe because not only had it happened, Evan was a Books & Biscuits regular, and Max had some sort of nickname for him.
Initially, everything in me flared with a sudden feeling of panic. The sensation was so alien and familiar at once that it made me want to run. My two worlds collided and the pain at knowing that I was once again the outsider had flared brightly. They had history and I didn’t belong.
Then Evan was looking at my Max too much and the green-eyed monster was on my shoulder, wanting me to do something before Max wasn’t mine any longer. Not that he was mine really, but the caveman side of me had claimed him.
While I brewed coffee I rubbed absently at my chest at the thought of Max not being mine, of him belonging to someone else, and I knew beyond certainty that I had to do something before that nightmare became reality.
As I worked up the courage to suggest we talk, not just about Evan but more than that, Elias appeared and that went out of the window.
Later, after Evan and Elias had left, Max explained the whole Dr. Daddy thing and I tried to laugh convincingly while my worst fears were realized. Max had been interested in Evan.
Did that mean that I didn’t have a chance? That I’d missed my chance, even if there had been one in the first place?
Evan had discussed my relationship with Max a few times, leading me to talk about the things my family had said about us in the past and the proprietary feelings I’d had about him. Matty had told me recently that she thought Max was in love with me, and I had mentioned this to Evan.
If Max was looking at other guys, taken or not, did that mean he was over whatever feelings he’d had for me? If he showed me any sign that he was interested then I…I would have to go with my heart. I needed Max in whatever form our relationship came in.
My mind was still spinning when Henry came in to meet Max and give me a key to his apartment.
“Hey Charlie, you okay?”
It took me a second to get the words out and sound halfway convincing about it. “Yeah, I’m good.” Gesturing to Max I said, “Henry, this is Max,” and then to Henry, “Max, this is Henry.”
“Have we met before?” Henry asked Max.
“Um…no? I don’t think so.” Max looked confused.
“Oh! I know what it is. You’re the guy Will took home. Man, Andy was so mad about that. He thought you guys were hooking up.”
Silence hung thick in the air and Henry looked like he wanted to tug the words back at the way Max stiffened.
The color drained from Max’s face and I instinctively went to hug him. He settled immediately into my arms and we both sighed at the contact.
Just the motion, the way that he came to me so easily when he was embarrassed and upset, said more to me than I could understand.
It felt right.
Henry looked shame-faced, “Sorry, I forgot the after bit of that. Will said you’d maybe been slipped something?”
Max nodded into my chest and my heart sunk because I knew he’d been in that situation alone because of me. Would I ever be able to make up for all the trouble I’d caused?
