Page 80 of For All It's Worth
Chapter Thirty Two
Max
Anxietywasanastybeast. It can eat away at your sense of self and make a person act in ways they wouldn’t usually. At least that was what I tried to justify my actions with.
There was no excuse for ignoring Charlie. If I wanted our relationship to work then I needed to let him in. My main worry was how much was too much?
The way that he and Henry had made out with each other in front of me had stuck in my brain the whole night as Charlie lay sleeping next to me. For my own sanity, I had moved away. My dreams, when I had slept, had been full of images of Charlie leaving me for Henry, who was easier to deal with. Henry was new to being with a guy so didn’t have all my hang-ups, so he was the better, easier choice in my anxiety-ridden brain.
It wasn’t fair on Charlie, since he’d given me no reason to think that it hadn’t just been an experiment. For all I knew, his body’s reaction was more to do with me watching, having watched me kiss Henry first.
I knew I was being ridiculous but then I’d woken early to texts from work.
Kristen: The register is short again. I need to check the cameras but will have to wait until you and Heather are in.
Max: Damn, I thought that this was over with
Kristen: Me too but it isn’t. You able to come in early?
Max: Yeah. NP
Worrying about my business had distracted me the whole time during the meal and I knew that I’d hurt Charlie with my distance and probably had given Alice a reason to tell him to break up with me. Not that he would. Not before talking to me, anyway.
I arrived at Books & Biscuits a couple of hours earlier than planned and Kristen and I spent a few hours locked in the office going over security tapes from the previous day to check where the shorts had occurred. We then spent time doing inventory until we had to stop.
Kristen was exhausted by five, having opened, so I sent her home and promised to look at as much footage as I could while Heather took over the book inventory.
The LGBTQIA section that Heather had suggested was really coming along, the sales were great and I was gradually giving her more responsibility, so I knew she could handle the inventory while I checked over other things.
We closed on time, but I stayed behind to review more footage, not leaving until really late, far too late to be messaging Charlie.
I flopped into bed utterly drained, though guilt prickled at the back of my brain.
Monday passed much the same way, with Kristen, Heather, and I looking through our records to see the extent of the problem. We were missing a fair bit of cash over a number of weeks. Not only that but books and other kinds of merchandise that we sold. Even with having a suspect, it would take weeks to sort through it all to hand over the evidence to the police and file a claim with our insurance. The whole thing was a nightmare.
I did message Charlie to apologize for the day before. We messaged back and forth a bit but I worried about how my words were coming across. They didn’t sound the same and I worried about the damage I’d caused by ignoring him.
“Hey, stranger!” A familiar voice called out when I entered my apartment that evening. A fog of fatigue had settled over me and I just wanted to swallow down some food and go to bed. I needed a decent night's sleep and worried I’d only get that once I’d patched things up with Charlie and I could sleep next to him again.
“Hey, who are you again?” I asked
“Funny,” my roommate Xavier said dryly. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, but things with Carla are great.”
“Hey, no worries.”
“How’s things with you and Charlie?” I must have made some sort of expression. “What happened?”
Xavier and I might not have been really close, but we’d lived together for a couple of years and had a decent friendship. He was pretty open and since he was bisexual, I could talk to him about dating without worry. I quickly explained the last few days and he sat silently for a bit.
“You already know what you need to do, Max.”
“I know! But I’m just…worried.”
“Probably about nothing and you know that.”
“Yeah, you’re right but…”
“But, nothing. You need to speak to him and clear the air. First, though, you look wrecked. Get some sleep and speak to him tomorrow.
