Page 21 of His Rejected Alpha Mate
Luckily for me, Blake was a forgiving sort, used to dealing with prickly omegas. From what I’d heard at the pack lands, Kade had kept Blake at arm’s length at first. Now look at them!
I just needed time to adjust. In my darker moments, I’d called Karina, my therapist and friend. I adored the vampire, and she seemed to have warmed to me. Over the years, she had been there for me in some of my darkest moments as I tried to get over the guilt over leaving my son behind. The trauma from a life from Rincoln had left a mark that might never vanish, but Karina had helped me with tactics to cope in everyday situations. I wouldn’t have had Silas without her.
As a rule, shifters got on well with the other races. Magic users, like witches, were great allies. Despite myths and legends to the contrary, shifters were friendly with vampires. The only ones we really had issues with were the fae. The elves looked down at us, but they looked down at everyone. Fae were tricky, though. I was glad we didn’t see them often.
It took me the day to shrug off my strange mood over Kade’s news. It delighted me he wasn’t infertile like he’d been told and that he was starting a family. I was even looking forward to being a grandpa, even at the young age of forty-seven. Part of me was just wishing that he and Blake had more time together just the pair of them before they added babies to the mix. They were so new.
About an hour before we had to leave for the moon run at the compound, I called Silas to thank him for sending my things. I fully expected it to go to voicemail, as many of my other calls had. Despite our conversation over a week ago, neither of us seemed to put in the effort to make us work long distance. There was zero sexting, no video calls. We barely spoke. I understood he was busy. It just made me nervous about how things were going. He’d told me he’d been working a lot more. Whispers of an illness hitting shifters had hit the news, but I’d hoped he would give me more of a sign that this was going to work long term. It couldn’t just all be from my side.
“Hey, Jas. Sorry, I can’t really talk right now.” I heard a lot of background noise, including the sound of a female laughing. He muffled the phone for a second and I was pretty sure I heard him tell whoever that he just needed to “get rid” of me.Charming. I wanted to say something but bit my tongue. It could all be a misunderstanding. I needed Silas and couldn’t upset him.
My fox huffed and reminded me that this was what I’d attached myself to when I could have had Dakota.This is what you rejected a fated mate for?It almost gave me pause, wondering if I’d done the right thing. Then I thought of my kids and all the upheaval. I didn’t have time for a mate. Dakota deserved a mate with less mental scars.
“I just wanted to thank you for sending my box in with Angelica’s things.”
“Oh, uh, that’s okay. I didn’t realize Grady had packed it in there. Wondered where it went.” Well, didn’t I feel important? Keeping my mouth shut to a retort was nearly impossible.
“I’ll let you go and call Grady, then.” My tone must have held more bite than I’d intended, my anger and hurt slipping through.
“Jasper.”
“Si, I’ve not spoken to you in days.” I could hear how tired I sounded.
“I’ve been busy.” He was getting defensive. I wasn’t used to him arguing his case. He usually just apologized. It was part of why we worked. I couldn’t cope with a demanding alpha.
“Socializing from the sounds of it.”
“I’m allowed some time off to spend with my friends. I’ve literally just finished guarding Charlotte and all we’ve been doing is discussing work.” There was ice in his words that I’d never felt from him before.
“Charlotte?”
“Councilman Ford’s daughter. One of her regular guards is off sick, so she took me out to dinner to thank me for taking his place this week.”
Jealousy unfurled its wings inside my stomach, and I clamped my mouth shut until my words were under control. I was a hypocrite. “That’s lovely of her. Enjoy your night.” Then I quickly hung up before anything could slip out.
Guilt twisted my stomach painfully. There was me being jealous of a random girl when I shared the same pack as my fated mate.
It took a second, but a message came through.
Si: I’m doing favors so I can get time off to visit for your heat. Call me tomorrow?
Successfully distracted from my worries over my son, I now had relationship issues to think about. Charlotte Ford was a notorious man-eater and power to her, but I prayed to The Luna that she didn’t set her sights on my man. My conscience reminded me I wasn’t that invested in my relationship with him, or I’d be making more of an effort. When was the last time that I’d given him more than a passing thought? I probably wouldn’t have called him if I hadn’t got the box of my things that he hadn’t even bothered to send. Sure, he’d boxed them, but he’d made no effort to get them to me.
Another headache brewed with how hard I was thinking about this situation. I knew all I needed to do was let Silas know I wanted to be with him properly. Play my part and do the work, but I had to admit that my heart wasn’t in it. The damn thing was miles away with my gorgeous bear shifter mate.
A mate that I was about to see. He and all the pack and most of Kade’s friends were invited to the pack lands for a proper full moon celebration where Kade and Blake would announce their news and shift with the pack. It would be our first time shifting in Sweetwater and part of me was nervous about letting my fox out among strangers. More than that, I was worried about letting my fox out in front of my mate’s bear. Our animal selves were more of a slave to scents and our goddesses’ whims. Over the last few weeks, I’d struggled with my alter more than I ever had. That included all the years of abuse with Rincoln where my alter begged me to leave and make our pup safe.
If I was really honest with myself, I wasn’t scared about losing Silas because of the feelings I had for the guy. I was worried about losing my excuse. Silas was a safety blanket from taking a chance on fate. I’d made a knee jerk reaction and dug myself further in the hole and now I worried I’d never get out of it.
The more I heard about my mate, learning about him from the glimpses I’d gotten of him since our chat, I’d come to realize I’d made a massive mistake and had no clue how to fix it. Well, that was a lie. I’d have to end things with Silas and then go to my mate and say sorry. Dakota wanted me to beg, and really, he deserved as much. I’d rejected him three times. I just wasn’t ready. It might be a long time before I was.
The pack celebration was well under way. The announcement had already been made, so people could congratulate the couple before we all shifted when the moon was high. I mingled with my new pack, greeting familiar faces and accepting congratulations wherever I went. It made me glad that I’d decided it was time to put down roots. I still didn’t know what it meant for me and Silas, especially with the growing distance between us. We hadn’t had much of a chance to talk about anything on our call, but I couldn’t factor a man into my decision-making process.
I scanned the crowd for Angel and found her attached to Dakota. Again. I should have just looked for him first. She hadn’t left his side for more than a minute the whole time that he’d been here. She’d seen him and shouted, “Bear!” and ran to him. He’d been carrying her around ever since. I wanted to be bitter and angry about her getting attention from him. I just couldn’t deny her a friend here.
Right then, he had Angel balanced on one hip as he chatted with Kade. His arm snaked around Kade and he squeezed him close, then ruffled those curls in such a paternal gesture that my heart caught in my throat. Kade’s bright amber eyes, the same as mine, were lit with joy and affection as they chatted.
The picture that they made together brought tears to my eyes. They were perfect, and I was denying myself this, keeping it from Dakota, too. For what reason, I wasn’t sure. Fear, mostly, that it was too good to be true.
