Page 37 of His Rejected Alpha Mate
“It feels wrong to talk about him when I’m still locked inside you.” Dakota’s expression shifted, sadness washing away his earlier tenderness.
We lapsed into silence, holding each other and casually stroking skin, until his knot went down and he slipped free. He twisted us again, so we were on our sides facing each other.
“I first saw your picture maybe two months ago and something about it just triggered a feeling inside me,” he explained softly. “I tried to ignore the feeling. When I was younger, just of age, I lost someone very dear to me. We’d been in love. Both of us thought for sure that the mating bond would show up when Cooper turned twenty-one, too, but he died before he made it.”
My heart seized in my chest. Pain etched his features. Inside were still some lingering feelings for this lost love and jealousy rose, only to be squashed by reason. I literally had two children with another man, and Dakota accepted them without question. Kade was already calling him dad and Angelica would lose her shit when she found out that her favorite bear was hers to always love as her father. I stroked his cheek, enjoying the feeling of the dark stubble against my fingertips.
“You thought I couldn’t be your mate because Cooper was?”
“Yes, and you rejecting me the first two times made me wake up and take stock of what that time was. Cooper had always been sickly. His heats were extreme. With that, he lived every moment as if it could be his last and loved twice as hard. What we had was special and I’ll always be thankful for the goddess sending him into my life. He taught me how to love, how to use my strength to protect and care for others. He got me ready for you and our family.”
Fresh tears stung my eyes. “I shouldn’t have rejected you without a proper explanation until the third time.” Slowly, I traced his nose and up along his eyebrows. “I only did it out of fear, since I knew I didn’t love Silas. He was safe and easy and I guess I clung to that.” Dakota’s hand came up to still mine against his face, the gentle squeeze letting me know it was okay. “How much I wanted you terrified me. You seemed too good to be true after everything that’s happened to me.”
“How about we do what Kade and Blake did?” Dakota suggested, his expression carefully blank.
“What do you mean?”
“Take it slowly. Date. Spend time together.” Hope now lingered on his face.
“I want that. I want you.”
Distance
Dakota
Jasper,myfrustrating,infuriating,intoxicating mate, was making everything harder than it needed to be. Every part of my brain was trying to keep him at a distance, my previous hurt still echoing through me. How he’d treated me, making me cautious at jumping headfirst into our mating.
I couldn’t get it out of my head that I’d received his bite, but it had healed as I slept because deep down, I knew it had been a mistake. A reaction to an intense heat that he’d tried to get through alone instead of admitting that he might need me.
Hurt was a constant companion when he wasn’t with me, distracting me with smiles and loving touches. My bear was a total goner for our mate. Unwilling to listen to my reasoning where Jasper was concerned, he focused his attention on how our mate made me feel at the worst times. Like making me get hard at my desk at the memory of Jasper promising to blow me again from under the desk as he had the day before, when he’d popped in to see Kade.
No one in the office had missed the kiss that he’d given me, or the smell of arousal that had floated on the air after, as I sat pretending to work on spreadsheets until my erection had gone down.
Kade was living his best life with us officially together, and trying to work through our problems by taking it slow and getting to know each other. We hadn’t told Angelica, but had gone on a couple of day trips to a water park and the zoo as a family.
I’d burned those days in my memory as some of the best that I’d ever had. Remembering how I’d arrived at their house the morning of the water park and Jasper had driven us to Northarbor, where the sprawling complex was located.
I had ousted Jasper as Angel’s favorite as soon as she’d known I was going with them. Angelica had demanded that I help her get her arm bands on and help her with every tiny thing. I’d vowed to teach her how to swim, or get her into lessons as soon as possible. Our little girl had been brave going down chutes and slides into little splash pools, her giggles and cheers filling the air. It was everything that I’d never known that I wanted.
It had been hard work to keep my eyes off Jasper’s firm, high behind in those tight swim trunks. He was perfection with the lights hitting his burning auburn hair and creamy skin. I’d caught more than one person looking at my man. It had only soothed my bear when he placed his hand in mine. “People keep looking at you,” he’d growled into my ear before pressing a quick kiss to my lips and moving away again before Angel noticed.
When Angelica had passed out for the night, Jasper had taken me to bed. “I need you now,” he’d told me as he’d pulled me along behind him. On the nights we weren’t together, I stroked myself to the vision of him riding me, amber eyes burning with passion, sweat covering his smooth skin. The scent of caramel teasing my nose.
My mate was relentless and wore me out, but I didn’t sleep there, not wanting Angelica to get the wrong idea about us until we were sure that we could make it work. A fated bond was no guarantee after our rocky start.
While she slept over with a friend, I’d taken Jasper to Northarbor for a nice dinner and a show at the theater. I guessed, correctly, that he hadn’t had many dates in his life. His experience with his former mate had been more traditional. He’d been given to Rincoln as a match and forced to mate before it was really legal to do so. Only his pregnancy had prevented them from getting into trouble with the shifter council.
Jasper had admitted that he’d seen early on that Rincoln had cruelty in him. He’d hoped to love him hard enough to soften him, which hadn’t worked. They had their good years, but long term, they were too different and expected other things from the mating. Not being fated had pulled them apart.
My mate didn’t seem to realize that us being fated mates meant we would grow together. I had my parents as an example. They did everything together and rarely said a cross word. Their bond kept communication flowing, and they always seemed to know what the other needed.
Our date had been perfect. I’d loved giving Jasper something that he had never experienced. It felt that maybe we were turning a corner. Jasper had packed a bag to stay over at my house. There had been blow jobs in the car, sex inside the doorway, in the shower, before breakfast. We couldn’t get enough of each other. Yet, as soon as he had eaten breakfast, Jasper had carefully showered again, stripping away any traces of my scent, not coming in for a proper kiss before he left.
I hated feeling like a dirty secret. Angelica needed to know so that we could move forward. The longer that we kept her in the dark, the more that I felt like Jasper was only half committed to me and making it work. A bond could only do so much and Jasper appeared to fight it at every turn.
Still, I gave him chances and swallowed any harsh words I wanted to say when he would put off telling our daughter. I was sure she suspected, especially at our trip to the zoo, when she made comments about us looking like a family. It would have been the perfect opportunity to take her aside and tell her we were a family. Only Jasper had changed the subject.
“Be patient,” Papa coached, as we reached the end of the second week after Jasper’s heat.
