Page 26 of His Rejected Alpha Mate
Si: Did you get my last message? That was days ago. Call me.
Jasper: Sorry, been busy getting the school setup. I’ll try tonight.
Si: Call me. We keep missing each other.
Jasper: Si, I keep getting your voicemail. Call me, please. My heat is in a week. Are you able to visit?
Si: Working on it. Can you push it back?
I looked at the series of messages between me and Silas and started to panic. The growing distance between us caused a pit of fear to grow in my stomach.
Being practical, I’d arranged blockers to push it back, but I really needed to know when he was arriving so I could make plans for Angel. She was at a playdate with some of the other pack children, giving me some much needed time alone. She loved spending time with the other shifter kids and now that I was a member of the Sweetwater pack; it was easy for me to come and go from the compound.
With only a few days to go before my heat, I really needed to know what the plan was. I ran a frustrated hand through my hair, tugging on the newly shorn ends. I needed to try calling him again, as pointless as that might be. We just weren’t connecting, and I worried about the long term. Part of me wondered if this was fate intervening to get me back on course with the person I was supposed to be with.
My friends had kept in touch more than my boyfriend. The thought made irritation rise. It fell when I thought about how little effort I was putting in, too. I could have tried harder with him. Grady and Trey called more than Silas, but there was still a growing distance there because neither of us was telling the full story. I could hear omissions on their part, and I wasn’t telling them I’d met and rejected my fated.
“Si, I need you to call me back. My heat is in a few days. Are you coming here for it? I could fly to you, but Angel is here and I don’t want to leave her with people she hardly knows.” The people at the compound were great, but we weren’t ready for sleepovers for a couple of days yet. I sighed and hung up the call, slumping onto my bed.
Kade’s house had finally become more like home. It didn’t feel quite right, though. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get my fox alter to settle into the space. I knew why. We’d passed by Dakota’s house while exploring the area and that scent of home had pulled at me even as we wandered away. My fox has been desperate for a glimpse of our mate, but I’d agreed with Kade that it was best to keep our distance until I decided what the long-term plan was. It was torture. The right thing to do, but it ached. The pull towards Dakota was endless. He haunted my thoughts and dreams. Try as I might, I couldn’t let him go forever, even if it was the right thing to do.
Would I really be responsible for Dakota leaving Sweetwater? He told me that breaking the bond could be dangerous for those around his bear and he’d need to leave town for a while to recover. What would that do to Kade? With the babies, I couldn’t cause him any stress by taking away his best friend. The man that he now called dad.
I’d visited Kade in his new office, next door to Blake’s, and had seen my mate at his desk. When he’d gotten up to get something for his boss, I’d nearly swallowed my tongue. All that man was stuffed into dark gray slacks and a black button down, the collar opened a little, showing some dark chest hair. It should have been illegal to look that hot.
The meeting with Kade had not gone well. He’d sat smugly aware of my distraction, as he outlined the plan to keep me away from his dad until I could “make up my damn mind,” his words. It hadn’t helped when Kade had asked about Silas, and I couldn’t answer. I’d hardly spoken to my lover since our last call and I felt him pulling further and further away.
I dreaded my heat in just a few days’ time. Part of me didn’t want Silas to come, my fox willing to beg my mate to attend to us. I reminded them, not it, as Kade had scolded me, that Silas was the safe option. He knew my body, what I liked and disliked. He was younger than me, so took direction well, allowing me to be the dominant partner even as an omega. I felt awful that I didn’t want Silas for himself; he was a great guy, but there was no real spark. My fox disagreed with me, wanting the fire that Dakota would bring.
Dakota would challenge me. He would take over every sense and remake my world until all there was him. It terrified me as much as I longed for it. There was so much that I didn’t know about him and I wasn’t sure I wanted to lose myself in a mating like my previous one.
Rincoln had taken all the parts of me I’d liked before I had the confidence to keep them. He’d beaten me down, at first with words and small deeds, then with his fists, through our twenty-one-year marriage and mating. For years I’d berated myself for not leaving sooner. For staying when I was so unhappy just for the stability for Kade. I’d been too frightened to go it alone, sure that Rincoln wouldn’t allow me to take his precious son with me. Pack law stated that Kade belonged to his alpha. There was no force on this earth that would have made me abandon my son, which is why I’d slipped into a depression when the council had separated us. Why I still felt guilt over leaving him broken and bleeding to save our lives.
Grady and Trey had saved me. They started off as bodyguards and transformed into my closest friends. Karina was the therapist who became a friend that my guards had forced me to visit when they’d seen how broken I was. She had brought me out of my shame spiral. Together, they had given me the courage to pick myself up for my daughter. To envision a future where I was reunited with my son and we were both healthy and happy, away from Rincoln and safe.
Now I was there, in the same place as Kade, but was I any happier? I’d stuck myself in a ridiculous situation of my own making, from a knee jerk reaction when I’d first arrived. I’d stupidly rejected my fated mate instead of being smart like Kade and getting to know him. We could have been friends, but now we weren’t allowed in the same room together, so I didn’t make things worse.
My phone rang on the bed, breaking me out of my thoughts.Finally.
“Hey, Silas.” The worry was plain in my voice.
“Hey, Jasper.” He sounded stressed. “Look, I was hoping to get some time off to come see you and do this properly or at least video call, but it’s crazy here. A bunch of betas are ill and they are calling it beta flu.” He cut off suddenly and there was a long pause and background noises that suggested he was preparing himself. I already knew what he was going to say. It was inevitable. “Look, we need to just end things. It’s been a month and neither of us has been able to travel—“
“But—“
“No, Jasper. We need to end it. I don’t want to be strung along anymore. Neither of us are in this. It’s been over since you left.” Silas spoke with utter conviction.
“Strung along?” I hadn’t realized I’d voiced the thought aloud. Was it wrong that I felt relieved that we were done? Obviously, I felt like a jerk for hurting Silas, but the overwhelming feeling was one of peace. It was over. No more excuses.
“You’ve never been in this with me fully.” He let out a bitter chuckle. “Ever since we started, I’ve wanted it all. I told myself to be patient because you had such a terrible past and I’m younger, but I always got the idea you tolerated me—“
“I—“ Shit. This was the worst. I never wanted anyone to feel like that, especially Silas, who had been so patient with me. So caring. Not only had he been my lover, he was my friend.
“No, I know you care about me, Jas.” It sounded like he sniffed. My heart twisted in sympathy. I might not have loved the man, but I was fond of him. He was truly dear to me or I wouldn’t have held to him so tightly. He was my safety. “I wanted to mark you,” he said wistfully. Then more firmly. “Mark you. What we had was that important to me.” He definitely sniffled that time. “You kept me at a distance. Trey and Grady said to give you time. It just wasn’t enough.”
“But—“
“No. I’ve been over this with some friends over the last couple of days. None of your messages said that you missed me. Did you know that? It was just about your heat.” His words cut off with a sob. “I’m just done. I wanted more.”
