As if he sensed it, Roan’s eyes met mine again. A hint of steel in those gem-like depths. Automatically, a growl broke free, Monster showing his displeasure at seeing the competition in front of us. Luckily for the furniture and my future in the pack, Tate wasn’t nearby.
“There. That is exactly why I brought you here today,” Blake said with a grim look. “You are making progress, but not nearly fast enough. April is just around the corner and Tate will build a nest within a few weeks. You need to be home.”
Instinct warred with sense. I wanted to bite back at the alpha, but he was right. I’d just been thinking about my lack of progress.
Eventually, I spoke in a quiet, respectful tone, “I don’t know what to do.”
“Come, take a seat.” Blake watched as I chose which seat to sit in. I wanted to be in Roan’s eye-line so that Monster might behave if he knew where the threat was. I let him use my peripheral vision to keep him in sight.
“We need to ask you some questions. It feels like we don’t really know why your alter is acting like this, so some background might be useful. What was your family life like, growing up?” Blake asked after a nudge from Kade.
“I grew up with alpha brothers in a very traditional pride. They saw no value in me besides that of a punching bag. It was worse because my mother became sick after I was born. The pride didn’t allow outsiders in, the healer wasn’t powerful. She... she suffered before she finally died. My family blamed me, even though I was a baby.”
“So you grew up around violent alphas in a strict pack? They stuck to gendered roles?”
“Yes. They hated male omegas.” I felt Kade’s flinch across the room. Blake and Roan wore identical frowns. “Believed they were aberrations. It took me a long time to see how wrong that was.”
“How did you get on at school? Were you allowed to go to a mainstream school?” This felt like an interrogation by Blake.
“They didn’t want me at the pack school, in case I infected anyone else with my weakness. I had to have schooling, so I went to public schools, spent time at a boarding school, before I flunked out. I got my GED at home and worked for one alpha that could tolerate me.”
“Why did you go to so many schools?” Kade asked.
“I was always angry. Always full of rage and getting into fights over dumb shit. Got me kicked out of a lot of places.”
An extended silence followed my words. I felt my face heat. Embarrassment at spilling so much about my past. I knew my childhood was shitty. I also knew that I wasn’t the only one that had gone through rough times. Alpha Blake had seen far worse and was a hundred times better than I was. Part of the reason Monster never started shit with him.
Life had been so much less complicated as a beta. The Luna had felt that I was worth this, though. I had to make it work.
“I wonder...” Kade spoke finally. “If your alter always felt like this was how he was supposed to be. Maybe he felt he was supposed to be an alpha, and he was influenced by what he grew up with.”
My spinning mind halted. An image of a word in a book came back to me. Flabbergasted. I’d thought the word was hilarious when I was a kid. That there would never be a situation where I’d have to use it to describe a feeling because it wasn’t a real feeling. Here I was, though. Completely flabbergasted. Dumbfounded.
Monster used that moment to rear his stupid head.Yes, alpha. He said in a smug tone that suggested I’d been an idiot all my life to only figure this out now.
I’d always suspected he was broken. Not right, but maybe he’d had the foresight to know something we hadn’t then.
Just how long had The Luna been planning this? Putting her pawns in place to make up her master plan?
Axel joined us a few minutes later as we all sat, lost in our own thoughts. I was pretty sure I had a manic grin on my face from trying to keep my laughter at bay. The situation was ridiculous, beyond anything I could wrap my head around. Despite his thoughts to the contrary, Monster couldn’t have been that self aware that he knew we were supposed to be more than a beta.
Then I was reminded that shifters had other gifts. It really wasn’t impossible that he felt something. Felt wrong as a beta. Didn’t excuse him being a dick now. Roan was a part of our family. Other alphas didn’t want to steal my mate.
“Are you ready to go?” Blake asked his brother.
“I am. Roan, I got some things for you. Hiroshi packed you a bag.”
Roan nodded, looking resigned.
Kade got up and went to his friend and perched on the arm of the chair, his arm around Roan.
Blake watched me take in the scene. Kade was speaking quietly to Roan, who was nodding, his mouth a grim line. “Do you see that I’m not jealous of them?”
“Why would you be? Kade loves you. He doesn’t love Roan any more.”
“No, and Tate doesn’t love Roan. Never has.” He pointed at the pair. “They were betrothed for years. Now they are best friends and I’d trust Kade’s life in Roan’s hands. I’ve put my children’s lives in his hands and he’s proven himself.”
“Still doesn’t help my alter,” I bit out, getting frustrated. I knew I was the one to blame for this mess. Roan had been nothing but respectful of my place in Tate’s life.