Page 22 of It Happened Back Then
“But that’s no fun. I want to hear how I make you feel. I want you screaming my name, Peach. It’s all I've ever wanted. As a teenager I didn't know how to get it, but I know now. And I want it all with nothing holding us back.”
I rock my hips against her so she can feel what she’s going to get. Her eyes close and a soft whimper escapes her lips when I cup her breast then pinch her nipple through her shirt.
“Like this. I had no idea what this would do to you back then.” I pinch her again. “How it would drive you wild.”
“Bennett.” She squirms beneath me.
“You wanted to change my mind? Maybe I need to change yours. Let you see what I can give you in bed.”
Her eyes flare with anger. “Is this all about sex for you?”
I shake my head. “Not in the least. But you started this tonight by lying in my bed, climbing all over me, and talkingabout firsts. You want more firsts? Well, so do I. I want a first date, a first house, a first dance. Don’t make this be the first time you lie to me and say you don’t want any of that.”
She circles her arms around me, holding me close, but her eyes are vacant. Gone is the lust, gone is the determination to change my mind, and instead, creeping in, are those same excuses she gave me years ago.
I gently pull away from her and her arms drop from me. “You’re not ready.”
“I love you, Bennett.”
“I know you do. And I believe you want what I want, I really do. But I need to make the best decisions for myself and don't know how to do that when I’m in limbo with you.”
I back off the bed and she sits up, but not before I see her brush away a lone tear that’s escaped. I don’t understand why this is so hard; why we can’t just come together and make things work.
Her voice waivers as she says, “I’m asking you to stay, Bennett. Will you?”
I don’t look at her, I just stare at the floor. “Tell me why.”
“I miss you.”
“But why do you miss me?”
“Because I love you.”
“Why do you love me?”
“Bennett. Stop this. Why are you doing this?”
I turn to her, my jaw tight and my hands gripping the comforter. “I needyouto know whatyouwant, Blossom. I need you to understand that by asking me to stay it means you’re asking me to stay in your life for good. I won't stay here and watch you date. If I come back, I'm cutting ties to everything in Seattle and claiming what’s been mine since I was ten. If you want that, say the word. I’ll burn this town down for you. But if you’ve got the slightest doubt right now? You need to tell me.”
“It's not doubt,” she says quietly, practiced, like she’s been doing for years. “It’s me wanting the best for you.”
“How about you let me worry about what I think is best for me.”
She presses her lips together, her foot taps the floor in a nervous pattern. She’s quiet for a moment, obviously contemplating her response before she rises, stands beside me. “I love you, Bennett. If I knew how to stop, I'd have done it a long time ago. But it’s all I know right now. It’s all I’ve ever known actually. If you need fancy words or elaborate reasons from me, I don't have them. All I have is I love you.”
She leans down, kisses my cheek, then slips out through the window she came in. I let out a curse under my breath and fall back on the bed, hating that I know I have to leave Bluemoon.
I stare up at the ceiling, the darkness and quiet of the night falling over me. It’s too quiet, toofinal.Her perfume that drew me in the instant I walked into the house still lingers in the air. It’s on my pillow, on my skin, and attached to every damn breath I take. Like always.
She loves me. I know that. She's always loved me. But for some reason, that love still feels just out of reach. She’s dangling it, telling me the words but not showing me the actions, and I have no idea why she won’t commit.
Iwantto believe her when she says she loves me. I want to believe that this time, love is enough. That we're not those young kids anymore. That we can finally stop dancing around what we've both known for years and truly give ourselves to each other.
But doubt that it can happen covers me, almost as much as the rain falls in Seattle.
What if I take this job and she pulls away again? What if I stay and end up watching her fall for someone else? What ifwe decide to try for real and fail, but this time, there's no way to put the pieces back together?
I close my eyes and let out a long breath. "What the hell am I supposed to do now, Blossom?"
