Page 51 of It Happened Back Then
Am I pregnant?
My hands tremble against the toilet; the bathroom spins around me. This isn’t part of the plan. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
And worst of all, I don’t know what it means for me.
Or for Bennett.
Or if we’ll ever leave this town together now. I can’t do this to him. His dad is right; he has so much going for him. I can’t hold him back.
Those memories makeme cry more, the vision of seeing the positive test. The feeling of excitement and fear all wrapped in one. Knowing his dad would never make it easy for us and knowing Bennett would cancel all his plans for college led me to holding onto my secret.
Until I couldn’t hold onto any part of it.
Bennett is leavingtoday for college. I stand in his front yard, arms wrapped around him, trying to memorize the way he smells, the feel of his heartbeat against mine. His dad watches us from the front window, like he’s just waiting for me to crack, for my secret to spill out so he can run out of the house and send me away.
I tell Bennett we’ll make long distance work. That I’ll always be here, waiting.
What I don’t tell him is the truth. That I have no idea how I’m going to keep that promise. I don’t know how I’ll tell him or what will happen when I start to show.
But right now, I just need him to go.
He needs to leave this town and become everything he’s meant to be. And it wasn't until his dad’s awful words hit me, that deep down, I know he won’t find that in Bluemoon
Or with me.
Just five days later, I wake up feeling like my insides are being pulled apart. The cramps are worse than before, but I push through, drag myself into the shower.
I lean into the hot water, hoping it helps. But then a sudden sharp pain hits me like a knife, twisting deep in my stomach. I double over, crying out, one hand catching the tile wall to keep from falling.
And then I see it. Blood swirling in the water and down the drain.
Something is incredibly wrong. I begin to shake, not sure what to do, but in my heart, I know. I know what’s happening. My body is rejecting my secret.
I scream for my mom.
She bursts into the bathroom seconds later, her eyes going wide the moment she sees me. She doesn’t even ask. She just moves, turns off the water, wraps me in a towel, and helps me sit down on the edge of the tub as I start to sob uncontrollably.
“I didn’t tell him,” I cry. “I didn’t tell him anything.”
“I know, baby,” she says gently, her voice breaking. “I know.”
She helps me dress with shaking hands, then calls the doctor, her voice somehow calm while I sit hunched over on the bed, crying silently. I’m begging her not to say anything to anyone, not to my sisters, and especially not to Bennett. And she promises.
Because she knows it’s already too late.
The guiltand shame I had for putting my mom through that was so much. She had lost her husband at a young age, was left raising four kids alone, and here I was, the baby, losing her own baby. It was another loss this family was not prepared for.
She’s always kept my secret, even from my sisters. I couldn't do it to them either.
All of this clouds my head and keeps me paralyzed inside my apartment. I want to call Bennett. I want to cry, and I want him to hold me, but it’s not fair for me to put this hurt on him. He didn’t ask for any of this.
I don't know where these feelings come from. There doesn’t need to be a source, though I honestly do know why. Savannah's words have haunted me since I saw her in the flower shop.
CHAPTER 23 - BLOSSOM
My phone buzzes again. That’s three missed calls this morning.
Bennett: You okay? Haven’t heard from you.
