Page 36 of We Were Never Lovers
“Wouldn’t that’ve been weird? Shouldn’t you of brought, like, a date?” his warm smile, floating on the booze, turned down at the thought of it. He could imagine the kind of guy Jack would date—and hell, if he was going to a gay wedding, he could certainly bring a gay date, couldn’t he? He’d be some handsome fucker, maybe a suit with shiny hair and blue eyes, a sleek bodyand clear skin, something professional like all the men his sisters were married to—a stockbroker (Helen), prison psychologist (Annie), a paediatrician (Sarah), and another veterinarian (Amy).
Jack shook his head and dropped his hand, but not before giving Sean a gentle squeeze. “Nah, nothing unusual about bringing my favourite teammate.”
Sean flinched inwardly. He wanted to ask why he’d said no. He liked all those blokes, liked Finn and George as much as he knew them, and he liked the beach.
“You need a hand?” Jack asked, picking his crutches up.
“Do we really go rock climbing?”
Jack flicked his eyes up, assessing, before he shook his head and smiled, rueful yet mischievous. “Nah, we just say that when people ask what we got up to on our days off.”
“What do we really get up to?”
Jack raised both eyebrows pointedly.
“No way,” Sean breathed.
“Way,” Jack reiterated.
“All day?” Sean asked and let Jack tug him to his feet and get his crutches into position. He felt Jack’s snort of laughter ruffle his hair.
“Well, sometimes we take a stroll along the beach as well. Get a surf in.”
Jack stepped back, but remained close enough to step in if Sean stumbled. Sean shook his head with a laugh while Jack smiled smugly back at him. The moment shifted, the humour dissipating the longer they stood close together.
If they were going to do it, Sean thought, they were going to do it now. He felt the press of the crutches under his armpits, tightened and released his hands on the grips. Jack watched him, in it with him for a moment.
“Jack—”
“You should sit,” Jack stepped back to make room. “On the couch, I mean, elevate your leg.”
Sean exhaled and tried to find his patience. He wasn’t going to jump Jack—like he could in his state, Jack really would have to come to him—but he was sick of Jack looking at him like he was waiting for something before extinguishing it so quickly Sean had to wonder if he’d imagined it, if he was projecting. He felt the agitation coming on, the mood swings that accompanied not knowing what the fuck was going on half the time, and powered by Jack with an irritated huff.
“I’m not gonna like, bully ya into lettin’ me fuck you, ya know. So you can just stop with the sad lady act,” he snapped.
Jack sucked in a sharp breath. “Sean,” he said on the exhale.
Sean tossed his crutches aside once he was in front of the couch and they clattered to the floor. Lola sprang up and darted to the side from where she’d been sleeping on her bed.
“Shit, sorry, girl,” he hopped and levered himself down. She wasn’t in the firing line, but guilt seared through him for startling her.
He leaned back and closed his eyes. He could feel Jack hovering in front of him. Sean’s buzz was fading into a dull headache and he couldn’t deal with him right now.
He listened to Jack’s laboured breathing and wondered if he should take some pain medication or if it’d be a bad idea with the booze.
“I want it so bad, it’s driving me fucking crazy,” Jack whispered.
Sean’s eyes snapped open. Jack was standing near the armchair, eyes on the floor, his hand holding his arm tightly across his chest. He was breathing heavily, and in that moment, Sean saw what it cost him to say that. His own breathing ramped up, the charge between them eclipsing what it had been before.His heart was hammering and he was too scared to speak; he felt like something would break if he did.
Jack flicked his eyes up and held Sean’s gaze. He swallowed and Sean could see it—he was scared. Of what, Sean didn’t know. Of him?
“I’d never hurt you,” Sean said even though as far as he remembered, he had and he did, regularly; but he meant, he’d never hurt Jack if they fucked.
Jack nodded jerkily, looked away.
“You don’t believe me,” Sean said.
“It’s not that,” Jack said, eyes trained on the wall. “I know you wouldn’t, you never have even when we were… rougher.”
