Page 26 of We Were Never Lovers
“Yeah, and what’d I just say? I’m gonna tell you, but you’re not gonna like it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he pressed the crutches forward, holding them so Sean could slip his arms over them and hop out of the car.
“I’m not a bloody delicate flower,” Sean replied as he hopped up the pathway.
Jack snorted behind him. “Believe me, don’t I know it.”
Jack paced in front of the couch while Sean was stretched out on it, his hands resting on his stomach as he tracked him and waited.
“I just don’t get why you wanna fuck around again. You hate me, remember?” Jack finally said.
“Can hate someone and still wanna fuck them. That was hot. You’re hot. That’s not news, everyone knows you are,” Sean said mildly, but he didn’t miss the flinch when Sean said he hated him. So he added, “And I reckon I believe that I don’t hate you anymore.” He took a deep breath; this was still hard to say. “You’ve been good to me these last few months. I can see how we’d be friends.”
Jack nodded, but that guard was back up. He sat down in the armchair, hands clasped, eyes on them. “Look, we’re the kinda mates who’re both gay and both can’t do much about that.” He said this with a breathiness that made every hair on Sean’s body stand up. It wasn’t the outright admission he was gay, and he knew Sean was gay, that made him react. He’d always kind of known that, even when they were teenagers he’d felt seen by Jack in that way and felt like Jack had seen him too. He’d been scared, but in a good way. He’d gotten the feeling Jack was scared too, but not in a good way.
This had confused him at the time—if either of them should be feeling worse about this, it was him. He was the blackfella looking to get a crack at the league. Like he needed to borrow trouble on top of it. Meanwhile, Jack was a white boy who went to a fancy private school in a liberal area—they’d probably deck the streets in rainbow flags if he came out. So he’d already assumed Jack might be gay when they met; but after that night on the cricket pitch he’d thought he was a gay boy who’d gotten scared, or (less likely) he was a straight boy who’d gotten confused (at least, this is what he thought Jack wanted him to think). Now he had confirmation. Still, there was something about the line that Sean didn’t believe and he didn’t think it was teenage Jack’s reservations.
“So,” Jack waved a hand forward, made very brief eye contact. “So, that explains that. As for the other thing, well, we’re also just really close, we look out for each other, we like, make plans.”
Sean breathed steadily and decided to tackle this a piece at a time, attack the smaller bit first. “We make plans for our future together?”
It even sounded like a stupid question. If they weren’t together, why would they make plans for a future together?
“Yes,” Jack replied firmly. “We’re really good friends.”
“Really good friends who suck each other off,” Sean retorted.
Jack recoiled. Sean raised his eyebrows—that was an over-reaction. But it was also further reason for Sean not to trust this was the whole story.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing,” Jack said quickly and resumed his posture—hands clasped, eyes down.
“You don’t like it when I say it like that?”
“No, it’s not, well…”
Sean tilted his head to the side. “You don’t,” he said and knew it was true.
Jack flicked his eyes up. “Look, we don’t just,” he swallowed, “fuck. We don’t be crass about it. We do it in a certain way,” he finished, these final words coming very deliberately.
Sean shifted on the couch. The moment felt fragile. He knew he had to get the next part right or Jack would clam up again.
“What certain way?” he asked as carefully as he could.
Jack exhaled and focused on his hands. When he spoke it was quiet, almost embarrassed, but it had the hint of defiance Sean had heard before when he spoke about him and future Sean. “You’re the top and I’m the bottom, right? But it’s like, more than that. You’re, you,” he shook his head, that blush all the way up his throat. “You take care of me,” he finished so quietly Sean had to strain to hear him.
His heart was pounding at the implications of what Jack was saying. He’d heard about these kind of relationships, but he’dnever thought he’d be in one. And the way Jack said it? It was so unbearably intimate.
“And we’re not lovers?” he asked again because he couldn’t believe they weren’t.
“No,” Jack said firmly, eyes flicking up again before darting back to his hands. “This is just the, you know, the way we do sex. As mates. It gives us both, you know…”
“Orgasms?” Sean asked.
Jack laughed and sat back. “Yeah, that and we just, we get a lot out of it. You said it soothed something in our personalities. When we’d been doing it that way for a while, that’s what you said.”
Sean mulled that over. He could, weirdly enough, see that. Jack looked like he was ready to go to war over it if Sean challenged him and scared shitless all at once—the lazy way he sat back in the chair did not fool Sean for a second. So, he’d circle back to it, but get more answers on the other front while Jack was pliant.
“And this goes hand in hand with the making plans together for the future?” he asked.
