Page 55 of We Were Never Lovers
“No!” Jack stood up. The sudden movement forced Sean to step back and crane his neck up to meet Jack’s eyes. “No, thatwould make everything worse.” He said this like he didn’t want to admit it but clearly needed to.
“So it is to do with me then?” Sean knew this was the reason on some level, had known, but he didn’t think he’d squared up to look it in the face until right now.
“Not in the way you’re thinking,” Jack gripped Sean’s biceps like he needed to make sure he stayed put. He opened his mouth to say something before closing it again.
“I wish you’d stop doin’ that,” Sean said, distracted by Jack squeezing his arms, his fingertips skirting under the sleeves on Sean’s shirt to press down on the delicate skin.
“Okay,” Jack agreed, nodding his head. “Okay, I can tell you… I can tell you that when you were in the hospital, they thought…”
Sean jerked his chin for him to keep going. He knew they thought he wasn’t going to make it at first. That would’ve been the first thing Jack heard when he got there.
“I don’t want to lose you… I can’t, I can’t feel like that again. It’d make everything so much worse if you moved out,” he fumbled.
“It’s not great now, but,” Sean said. He knew he was fucking Jack up and for once, it didn’t feel good. It felt like he was this massive burden and he could excise himself and he wanted to.
“It is,” Jack insisted.
Sean groaned. “But, you suck.”
Jack laughed, released his hold. “And if you leave, I’m gonna suck more.”
Sean fiddled with the drawstring on his pants and thought about it.
“Alright well, what’s your slump buster then? What’d you do last year?”
Jack stepped back, his legs hitting the back of the bed as if the question had forced the movement.
“Umm,” he waved his hand, looked out the window. Brisbane twinkled around them, the city lit up under the black sky. “You know…”
Sean closed his eyes so he wouldn’t yell at him. Clenched his fists so he wouldn’t punch him. He didn’t know. That was the point. And the anger was too much, talking to Jack was like trying to solve a riddle with no answer and his moodiness from the injury still flared up and he’d learned it was better to walk away. The sight of Jack’s sad face no longer thrilled him, no longer made him feel vindicated—it was starting to hurt him, and he couldn’t fucking stand it.
“Right, well, good talk,” he turned to leave. He was reaching for the door when Jack pushed him against it, spun him around and kissed him.
It was a messy kiss, lips not connecting properly, too much teeth as Sean opened his mouth to ask what the fuck; but he got with the program quickly and shoved Jack against the wall, held him still and took control of the kiss.
He had to lean up to do it, but Jack slumped down and let him take over. Sean gripped Jack’s hips and held him against the wall, kissed him with all the anger he was feeling. And Jack just took it, moaning quietly as he met him. Sean felt Jack’s dick hardening against his thigh.
“Fuck,” he broke away and whispered against his lips, “ya love it, don’t ya?”
Jack made a broken sound and tried to press forward for more. Sean leaned away.
“Is this what you need? Need me to fuck ya?” Sean asked. Jack’s eyes were closed, but his breath shuddered out of him.
“Say it,” Sean pressed.
Jack’s eyes slid open, his expression stripped bare, completely at Sean’s mercy.
“I need it,” he whispered, ashamed.
Sean hesitated. It felt like this was a game they played, and Sean could get onboard with it, liked it, fucking loved it. But not if Jack didn’t feel good about it.
He sobered and asked Jack seriously. “Do you really wanna do this?”
Jack nodded. “This is how we do it,” he said, eyes down.
“And it feels good? For you?”
“Yes,” Jack said quietly.
