Page 87 of On the Land, We Shoot Straight
Cole nodded, looked at Grady and then out the windshield at the twin glare of the headlights. “Yeah, all right.”
Grady exhaled roughly. “All right.”
He took his hand back and headed for home. As they went past the front pasture, the lights lit up the horses standing near the fence, and Grady came to a stop when he saw Cole sitting up.
“Go on then,” he said, and Cole was out of the truck and heading for her before the engine cut out.
Grady grabbed Cole’s duffel and hesitated on the doorstep. He knew Cole would come into the house after he’d seen the horse, and yet he didn’t want to take his eyes off him in case he disappeared again. He shouldered the duffel, walked to the pasture and saw Cole, already on the other side of the fence, his arms around Chloe’s big neck and her nipping at him in her mean-affectionate way.
“She missed you,” Grady said.
Cole tensed at his voice and held Chloe tighter as if Grady was about to take her away.
“Well, you come on in when you’re ready,” Grady said and left him to it.
Grady put Cole’s duffel in his room, then went downstairs to the kitchen and put the kettle on. He fixed them some food and waited for Cole to come back in. He’d eaten and drunk his coffee and was starting on another one when Cole slipped in the back door like he was trying to be quiet.
“Ain’t no need to sneak around, I know you’re here.”
Cole hid his face and shrugged.
“Come on and eat somethin’.”
Cole looked up at him then, his face torn between remorse and defiance.
“I know you knowin’ it now. About me. Ain’t no need to act all…” Cole said and waved his hand.
“I ain’t actin’ anything.”
Cole ground his teeth together and leveled Grady with a look that was hurt and sharp on the edges.
“I’m all used up,” Cole said, rote. “A fuckin’ whore, cumdump, whatever. Just go on and fuckin’ say it.”
Grady stood, walked over to Cole and gripped him by the shoulders. “I ain’t sure who all been sayin’ that, but you ain’t. You hear me?”
“But I am,” Cole whispered.
Grady shook him. “You ain’t. I know you.”
Cole let out a guttural sound and struggled out of Grady’s hold. “You don’t know me. ’Cause if you did, you wouldn’t damn well want me! I bet you’re not wantin’ to fuck me now, huh? Knowin’ I been a fucktoy to the whole fuckin’ town!”
Cole was breathing hard and shaking as the words busted out of him. Grady was hurting on account of him. But he reckoned none of those words were true, and anyway, if those men been using him like that for years? That weren’t no whoring.
“I reckon I still wantin’ you,” Grady said quietly in the space between them.
Cole sobbed, and Grady watched him wipe it away, the tears falling angry and bitter on his face.
“And I reckon there’s more to it than what some piece of shit who don’t know his dick from his head be sayin’ on it.”
Cole shook his head, wrapped his arms around himself and held on tight. “I ain’t no good.”
“Well.” Grady shrugged. “I reckon you are, so.”
Cole gave a bitter laugh and looked at Grady sideways. “You’re makin’ a mistake on me.”
“I ain’t. But”—Grady held up his hand when Cole tried to cut him off—“I reckon it’s mine to make. So, come on now, eat somethin’. No need to be talkin’ it all out now. Gotta have somethin’ to talk about come harvest.”
Cole laughed wetly, but it was lighter, like Grady hoped it would be. He sat, sipped his coffee and picked at the food. Gradysat as well and left him to it. He tried not to smile when he saw Cole realize how hungry he was and start to eat for real.
