Page 96 of On the Land, We Shoot Straight
Tom turned and ran for his car, his gaze flicking over his shoulder and his eyes skittering over to where Grady kept the gun trained right on him. Grady left it on him as he started the car, made a U-turn and tore out of there faster than Grady thought was possible.
“So, you know, then,” Cole said as the sound of Tom’s car faded.
Grady brought the gun down. “I mighta had some thoughts on it.”
Cole was nodding, his eyes down. “Did you really call Charmaine?”
“I did.”
Cole nodded again. He sat on the porch step like all the life just left him.
“I ain’t makin’ no moves without you, I just wanted to know what the score was in case you wanted to be dealin’ with it that way.” Grady leaned the gun on the porch railing and sat.
“It ain’t that,” Cole said and shook his head. He looked askance at Grady. “I’m, you know”—he waved a hand—“glad you believin’ me enough to even be makin’ a call.”
“I know you,” Grady said.
Cole nodded and looked into the distance at the bright pinks on the horizon staining the sky and escorting the sun’s arrival.
“What is it, then? You look like a dead man.”
Cole looked down at his hands and blew out a long breath. “I just didn’t want you to be knowin’ all that.”
Grady nodded. “I can understand that, but it don’t change nothin’. You done nothin’ wrong.”
Cole shook his head and grimaced. “I did, though. God, but I was so fuckin’ stupid.”
“You were a boy.”
“Yeah, but I shoulda, I dunno. It was so fuckin’ stupid. You know how it started?” Cole glanced at Grady, his face torn in shame. He looked away and went on without waiting on an answer. “Harvest Festival. I had a crush on this city boy who was with the band. One of their kids. We were both fourteen, and we’d been flirtin’ all day, you know? And then I asked him to meet me at the bathrooms, and we kissed and then, and then—”
Cole broke off and shook his head as if he were back there, busy berating the boy he used to be. He inhaled deeply and went on in a rush. “Then that there prick saw us, and the other boy ran off, and Tom said all this nasty shit, like if anyone found out, well then, what’d they be thinkin’ about this queer boy? You know, all that kinda shit. And he was like, we can make a deal, though. How ’bout that? And then he took me into a stall and jerked meoff and fuck, made me stand there while he rubbed off on my ass.”
Grady ran a hand down his face. He could see it. Beautiful little Jesse Cole with his first crush, screwing his courage to take the shot and then that prick comes along and threatens him.
“Anyway.” Cole sniffed. “I thought that’d be the end of it, ya know? Fuckin’ stupid. My daddy already had them loans, fuckin’ idiot. And Tom comes out one day and fuckin’ Jack, the fuckin’ moron, he goes on and tells him all about my ridin’ and my horse and—”
Cole broke off and choked on a sob. He breathed through it and rallied. “He told my daddy he had some work for me. Told him to drop me at that there motel just outside town near the warehouses.”
Grady knew the one. Cole’s panic made a whole lot more sense.
“Did your daddy know?”
“How could he not?” Cole looked at Grady now, furious. “What kinda work a banker got with a fourteen-year-old, for years, at some sleazy fuckin’ motel? And why the extensions on them loans?”
“Jesus,” Grady spat.
Cole nodded. “Yeah. He fuckin’ knew. Anyway, I didn’t wanna do it. I even said so. But my daddy and Chris and Jack were like, it’s a good opportunity, doin’ some work with a banker, gettin’ some city experience. But they fuckin’ knew. They goddamn well fuckin’ knew. And Mama just looked the other way, just checked out.”
Cole breathed deep and looked away again. Grady just sat and let him pull it together.
Cole cleared his throat a few times before he went on. “And that become the normal, you know? For about a year. He always touchin’ me first…” Cole did cry then, and Grady wanted totouch him, but he held back; Cole looked like he could break, like he needed to hold his pieces together on his own to get this out.
“I done liked it, he ain’t lying. I done liked it,” he choked out through sobs.
“Well, yeah, Cole,” Grady sighed. “It’s sex, someone touchin’ your dick’s gonna feel good. Don’t mean you done anything wrong.”
Cole shook his head and focused on his lap. “And then... Then he brought others, and I said no fuckin’ way, and he said if I didn’t do what he said, then, then”—Cole looked up at Grady, crying freely now— “he said he’d have my daddy sell my horse.”
