Page 9 of Remnants
I roll my eyes while dropping my hand, already missing the warmth.
“I’m not asking you to leave him.” Though I can’t figure out why she would stay if he’s not touching her. My mind goes back to her talking about the diet she’s on and her wanting to be more attractive. Is that somethingheput in her head? “I just thought we could have a casual friends thing.” I watch her chew on her bottom lip. Is she actually considering this? Part of me is screaming at myself. I am not a friends with benefits kind of person. And I am not a homewrecker. But for whatever reason, Kaitlin calls to me in a way a siren would sing to the ships passing by.
“Let me think about it,” she finally says. I nod and am about to reach for my beer when she swings a leg over me and sits on my lap. My eyes go wide and my mouth drops in shock at the act.
“Am I hurting you?” Her eyes are full of concern and I feel her shifting to get off. Quickly, I grip her hips, holding her still on me.
“N-No!” I choke out, my voice hoarse. “I just, thought you were going to think—”
“I am,” she interrupts. “But shouldn’t we have like a trial run, make sure this is even going to be enjoyable for each other.” The breath wooshes out of me. Any thoughts of being calm and in charge have suddenly vanished. I nod slowly and she gives me a small smile.
“Do we kiss now?” Her voice, suddenly shy, lights a fire in my core. I feel myself growing wetter by the second. Deciding words are no longer needed, I grip the back of her head and pull her to my lips. Her lips are soft and full, and fucckk, I never want to let her go.
Kaitlin pulls herself closer to me while slipping her tongue into my mouth. I release a needy whine while circling my tongue around hers. I run my hands over her thighs, up her hips, and under her sweater. I feel her body tense and I’m about to ask what’s wrong when she jerks away as if I’ve struck her.
“What am I doing?” she whispers while getting up off me.
“Katie—”
“I have to go.” Panic fills me as I try to get up. Kaitlin runs out of the living room and as I get up I hear the front door slam shut.
“God damnit!”
Kaitlin
FIVE
Sittingon the edge of my bed, I clench my towel that’s wrapped securely around my freshly showered body. I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting here, lost in thought. Since I’m beginning to chill and my hair has gone from wet to damp, I would assume nearly an hour. Me zoning out has been happening a lot the last three days. I start something and just… space. And when I come to, I find that I’m thinking about that kiss I shared with Nora.
I don’t know what overcame me. All I know is when her lips met mine, it was over. There was no way I could be friends with benefits, no strings attached. When our lips touched and I felt her soft tongue touch caress, all of my strings attached to her in that instance. I want her, I want to kiss her more, I want to lick her, touch her, make her pant and god, I want her to make me cum.
I broke the kiss and ran out of the house, leaving her yelling for me. She has come over here a couple of times now. Fuck, I wish I hadn’t given her my phone number at the tattoo shop because she’s been texting me. I’ve been leaving her messages unanswered. I have no idea what to say. Regardless of howunhappy or unhealthy my relationship with James is, I am a married woman. And in a stupid moment of weakness, I slipped.
It’s disgusting, dishonorable to my husband, to my family…to my God.
At that disturbing thought, I stand up before walking to my closest to pick out my clothes. I need to go to a church service. It’s not something I do often… hardly ever, actually. The church isn’t a safe place or a form of comfort for me. But I’m slipping. All of that time spent in those classes and camps will be for nothing if I don’t get back on the right path. And an afternoon in the church with my mother is the perfect way to get me back on track, despite how I feel in my heart. Which is why I called her and she’s on her way here now.
I shimmy into my shapewear before slipping into my vintage-style swing dress. Green with pale gold plaid stripes and a side bowtie. The dress is modest, going all the way up my neck and has a three quarter length sleeve. I walk in front of the mirror and as I look at my hair, I let out a groan. Most would be shocked to realize that my bright blonde, poker straight hair is actually naturally curly. James hates my curls, and refers to them as “lazy”, so I have to straighten the curls out and then slick my hair back into a bun. But, due to my zoning out, I don’t have time to straighten it before my mother arrives.
I quickly grab some hair pins and start trying to tame the madness before grabbing my wedding rings and purse and running downstairs.
I get to the door just as my mother is coming up the steps. She stops and looks at me, nodding her head in approval. “Glad to see James still makes sure you’re dressing respectfully,” she says as we head towards her car. My mother is a small woman; petite and rail-thin. She is a devout Christian, firm believer in modesty, and is anti-sex, homosexuals, cursing, and just aboutanything that doesn’t revolve around First Southern Baptist down off of Anderson Park.
I watch as her hunched back bends over further while she slides into the driver’s side of her white sedan. I look from her, to across the street, my eyes locking with Nora, and my heart stops for a moment. She looks like she’s about to come my way, but thinks better of it. She gives me the smallest of waves before turning and going inside, not seeing the wave I give her in response.
I get into my mother’s car and buckle my seatbelt. I hear my mothertskand I give her a wary look. “What?” I ask, feeling like she read the impure thoughts that just passed through my head.
“Dress is a little short,” she mumbles, causing me to roll my eyes.
“Mother, it goes to my mid-calf.” She doesn’t answer and we sit in silence for several moments before coming to a stoplight. My mother looks over at me, her cold eyes full of judgment.
“Why did you call me to take you to Wednesday service, Kaitlin? You haven’t been to church since you were married.” I fidget with my hands nervously as I look toward her. Realization washes over her face and her skin pales. “No,” she whispers as the light turns green and she starts to move. “Kaitlin, not again.” Her voice comes out like a sob.
“No, Mother!” Shit, I have to lie to her. She will tell everyone, including James, because she would want me to go gethelpagain, and if he somehow finds out about Nora—no… I have to protect her from him.
“Mother, James and I are having… difficulty having a baby. James is about to the point where he’s ready to try a specialist. But, I wanted to try… prayer.” I feel disgusting saying this. As if I could ever bring a child into this mess with James. No, I’ve made damn sure he will never reproduce with me.
As we pull into the parking space, my mother shuts off her engine before letting out a breath. “While I think going to church just when you need something is selfish, at least you are going for a good selfish reason, because while I love James dearly, going the route of a specialist is just… it’s against God’s will.”
