Page 86 of Take Me
It seems wrong to argue, so I don’t.I think about all the times Erika’s arched up beneath me, digging her nails into my shoulders.That’s not about me, but more aboutus.Funny how sex feels so different with someone I know the way Erika and I know each other.
I’m so wrapped up in my thoughts that I miss some of Annabelle’s words.
“—kept thinking you and I weren’t the right fit because I didn’t get goosebumps when I saw your name flash up on my phone.When we hung out together, I spent so much time laughing.I never stressed about wearing makeup all the time or whether my house smells like cat pee or if you might ditch me for some pretty girl flirting with you at the bar.”
“Uh, thanks?”Not sure if any of that was a compliment.Her order pops up at the window behind me, so I pivot to grab the big plate of tots.I hand her the ketchup, since that’s how she likes them.“Why would you want to be stressed in a relationship?”
“Stressed might not be the right word.”She stuffs a tot in her mouth and looks grim.“All the movies I’ve seen, all the romance novels I’ve read, love requires work.There’s excitement and dazzle and a hero who’s willing to fight for his girl.”
“Never been much of a fighter.”I flex my fingers and form a fist.“Gotta save my wrist for calligraphy.”
Annabelle laughs, but it’s brittle.“See?That’s what I mean.You’re built like a linebacker, and you own your own business, so you’re completely secure in your manhood.You don’t give a damn what anyone thinks, and you’re able to laugh at yourself.Do you have any idea how rare that is?”
“Um—”
“Because I didn’t.”She picks up a tot but doesn’t eat it.Just sits there looking wistful.“Not until I lost you, Mason.Not until I spent all these weeks trying to force a round peg into a square hole.”
Now’s not the time for a pegging joke, and I spare her an inappropriate quip about holes.That leaves me with only the cold, naked truth.
“Let me get this straight.”I bend down to pick up a big rack of glasses, buying my brain a few seconds to process.I set the rack on the bar, toweling them off before facing Annabelle.“You wanted more drama and excitement than you were getting with me, so you kept your options open and insisted we date other people.Then you started seeing Neil the Navy hero, and everything felt exciting and new.”
She blushes again and looks at her hands.“That’s an unflattering assessment, but yes—I suppose that’s true.”Her sheepish gaze lifts to mine.“I’m sorry, Mason.I was foolish and short-sighted and confused about what I wanted.”
Six weeks ago, I would have killed to hear her say these words.Now?
I only feel sorry for her.
My ego pushes me to ask the blunt question.“Are you asking me to get back together?Because?—”
“No!God, no!”She presses her palms to her face, fitting the heels of her hands in her eye sockets.“I know you’re with Erika now, and I’m so, so,sohappy for you guys.Truly!”
“Uh, thanks.”
Dropping her hands, she looks into my eyes.“Whatever you think of me, I hope you know I’d never come between two people in love.”
“Okay.”I’m not sure what she wants from me then.“You just wanted to vent?”
“Something like that.”She swirls a tot through a puddle of ketchup.“I felt like I had to get that off my chest.I needed someone to listen, you know?”
Okay by me, since I’m a pretty good listener.Erika said so last night.We drove out to Puffin Peak, laughing like teenagers as we fumbled and fondled in the cab of my truck.After we straightened our clothes, we sat there for hours, discussing a conflict she had with an auto shop customer.She kissed me so sweetly at the end of our chat.
“Thanks, Mace,” she murmured.“I love that you don’t try to solve all my problems.You listen and make me feelheard.”
“I love hearing you.”In the back of my brain, I wondered how Erika would take it if I said what I really felt.If I repeated those words but left out the third one.
I love you.
Annabelle sighs, and I force my attention back to our chat.She’s eating her tots without much expression, just stuffing them into her mouth.Her ginger ale’s empty, so I pour her a refill and set it in front of her.
“You can vent to me anytime.”I mean that.Despite how we started, I’ll always consider her a friend.“It sucks to admit you screwed up.To sort out your feelings and realize what you wanted has been in front of you the whole time.”Erika’s face fills my mind again, but I order myself to stay focused.“It takes a brave person to say what you just did.”
“I don’t want to be brave.”She gives me a watery smile.“I just want a time machine to go back and undo the mess I’ve made of things.Letting you go is the biggest regret of my life.”
Well fuck.This is awkward.What am I supposed to say to that?
“Where’s Neil?”I suddenly feel kinda bad for the guy.“He asked you to marry him, and you said—what?”
“I said I needed more time.That I wanted to be sure.He insisted I wear the ring for a while, just to try on the idea.”Her eyes lift to mine, and I feel my heart squeeze.“Now that I understand what love’s supposed to feel like, I don’t think I can settle.”
