Page 10 of Final Goodbye
My cheek felt like it was on fire where his lips grazed my flesh. Then he headed for his truck. As he reached for the door, he turned around—hopefully not noticing the lust written all over my face—and called behind him, “I’ll be seeing you around.”
Yeah, I hoped so.
It wasa long night of tossing and turning. Not only did I tell Declan what felt like my entire life story, or at least how my life had completely imploded as of late, but I thoroughly enjoyed his company last night. It was the escape from reality I had been desperate for.?
Another morning came, and I woke up still harboring that empty feeling in my chest. It was a feeling I couldn’t ignore. I needed to have a conversation with my mom today. She had been out yesterday, making funeral arrangements, so I wanted to check in on her and see how that was going. Maybe I could take some of the load off her plate.
The last few mornings, my routine had been to check on Chase first thing, to make sure he was okay and had everything he needed. But this morning, when I woke up, he was already gone.?
I went downstairs, anticipating running into him, but instead, my mom was sitting at the counter drinking her coffee.
“Morning. Any extra coffee in the pot?” She looked deep in thought when I approached her.
Clearing her throat and taking a sip of coffee, she said, “Hopefully it’s not cold, I’ve been up for a while now. But have at it.”
Grabbing a mug from the cabinet, I poured a cup to give it a try. I added some cream and sugar, hoping for the best. I mixed it up and took a sip. When the lukewarm, bitter taste of coffee hit my tongue, I didn’t want to make a scene by spitting it out or putting it in the microwave to warm it up. Instead, I took the opportunity to check in with my mom.
“So, where’s Chase this morning? I noticed he wasn’t in his room.” Conversation with her was like pulling teeth, but I was trying.
“He decided to go back to school after the last couple days off. Being around his friends and football team should be better for him than being here right now.” My mother had a point.
I didn’t really want to be here, either. My mind wandered back to last night and the time spent with Declan. Surrounding yourself with friends—or a stranger, in my case—was a thousand times better than being alone in your feelings and surrounded by the memory of the thing that hurt the most.
Chase was still a kid; he shouldn’t have to bear the weight of all of this. I couldn’t imagine being seventeen and losing one of your parents. At least I had a few more years into my adult life with both of my parents. For that, I had to be grateful.?
“I’m glad he has people to be around right now. How are the funeral plans coming along?” The wordfuneraltasted like acid on my tongue. “Is there anything I can help with? My day is wide open…” Because, of course, my day was wide open.?I didn’t have a job, and I was just waiting around for my father’s funeral to pay my respects and get the closure I needed. Then I could figure out what was next for me.
“Everything is taken care of. Since there aren’t many family members, it will just be us and a few friends from work. Thechurch in town is helping take care of it all.” It was odd that the funeral would be so small. My dad was such an amazing person, and I wished more people had seen that. And why the church? My family didn’t attend church, we weren’t even religious. But then again, I guess that was the typical place to hold a funeral…Right?
It almost felt like my mom was throwing the funeral together just to get it out of the way. Didn’t my dad have a plan? Was his plan really to have his funeral in the town church?
She wasn’t quite looking me in the eye when she said, “The funeral will be this Saturday.” Her facial expression was blank, looking hollow from the inside out.?
I guess I would mark my calendar for this Saturday, then. We could all show up as one big, happy family. Not dysfunctional at all. The thought made me inwardly roll my eyes.
My mother and I had never been the closest, but she needed some comfort, whether she wanted to admit it or not. She was trying to be strong for us, but she broke down every night in her bedroom. I could hear her from just down the hallway. In order to stay strong myself, I’d put my headphones in to drown out the sounds of her sobs.
We may not see eye to eye all the time, but hearing her cries didn’t sit right with me. Hearing my only parent left on this earth break down made me want to do the exact same thing.
Walking around the countertop, abandoning my coffee, I wrapped my arms around her frail body and held on tight. Moments later, she hugged me back. It wasn’t a tight embrace, but it was nice to have that connection with her. So many thoughts were running through my mind at the moment. My father and I were always closer, but I only had one parent left, and I didn’t want to have any regrets in life.?
I was going to make it my mission to find closure, have more conversations with my mother, and do my absolute best to bringour relationship closer. In order to do that, I needed to be in Alpine Peak longer than I originally thought.
But this right here, this was a step in the right direction.
Now that I’d had a chat with my mom and the funeral plans were taken care of, I needed to figure out what was next for me. As much as I loved living in Phoenix for the last twelve years, the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach wouldn’t go away. It didn’t feel right to jump ship and abandon them right after the funeral—I needed to come home. I could always go back to Phoenix when things were more stable here. As soon as I could confirm that my mom was in a better place and Chase was set up for success, I could say my goodbyes.
I grabbed my purse off the hook by the front door and headed down toMugs,where I could get a better coffee and some work done. I had a checklist of things I needed to take care of back in Arizona.
Hannah was a saint and remembered what I had ordered the other day, so when I walked up to the counter, I hadn’t even opened my mouth before she said, “Large latte today?”?
Even if I wanted to order something else, it didn’t feel right. Is it weird that something as small as the barista remembering my coffee order felt like a little slice of home? It gave me a moment of clarity that I was doing the right thing by staying for a while.?
Right now, I was where I belonged.
It was getting chilly outside; we were counting down the days until the first snow. Luckily, I had packed most of my clothes, and somehow, in the moment, remembered to pack warmer clothes, knowing the seasons would be turning here.?
Bundled up in my oversized sweater and leggings, I chose a spot in the corner over by the fireplace to make some calls. Starting with my roommate back home.
