Page 14 of Final Goodbye
Doing my best to avoid the people walking into the church, I took a seat in the front row while my mom thanked others for coming. I should be there helping her, supporting her, but I had a speech to prepare for. A speech I desperately did not want to give but felt like I had to. My anxiety was at an all-time high.
I wasn’t someone who showed my emotions very often, and now I was going to have to be vulnerable in front of a small crowd. The thought made me want to throw up.
Every so often, I glanced behind me to see if I recognized any of my dad’s friends or coworkers. Doing a double take, I lockedeyes with a suited-up Declan.?He walked in with the rest of the Cooper family, and his mom and mine exchanged a few words before the rest of them spoke to her one by one.
Myles looked uncomfortable and a bit different than he did the other day when I had run into him with Declan. Then again, a funeral was about the most uncomfortable event that could possibly take place.
Even on the most depressing day of my life, Declan in a getup like that made it hard to keep my eyes off of him. Wearing a dark navy suit and a white dress shirt underneath, he was dressed better than I could have imagined. As a construction worker, I never would have guessed he owned anything that made him clean up so nicely. I’d been so used to seeing him in his normal blue jeans and T-shirt, all dirtied up after work, that the suit he was sporting was a pleasant change.
I wasn’t going to allow my mind to wander to a place of distractionorattraction at a time like this. Pushing my attraction aside, I was just content he was here on a day like today. A day where I was saying goodbye to my dad. A day where I was a bundle of nerves and a fucking wreck on the inside. He was here to pay his respects, but he was also here for me, and that feeling made me tingle all over with a sense of warmth and safety.
Seeing him was the ray of hope I would need to get through the next couple of hours. His eyes were on me when he hugged my mother. Speaking in a soft voice, I overheard him say, “I’m so sorry for your loss, Lisa. Anthony was a great man.” He shook Chase’s hand, sending his condolences to him as well. Then he headed straight for me, his blue eyes gazing right into mine.
I stayed seated when he joined me. When he placed an unexpected hand over mine, we sat there in silence for a while.
I’d seen him in and out of the bar the last couple days. Working had been a breath of fresh air—a way to get my mindaway from reality. Seeing him and entertaining more small talk after he got off work was what I looked forward to. I wouldn’t let him know I anxiously waited for him to walk through the doors toPeakseach night, though.
Letting my thoughts drift away, his voice brought me back to reality.
“Hey…” he whispered. “You’re going to go up there and do just fine. No matter what you say, your dad would admire you so much for it.” He pointed two fingers at his eyes, looked right at me, and added, “When it gets tough up there, look in my eyes and I’ll be right here to help you along the way.”?
I teared up at his words. I didn’t have any friends here. Not a best friend in sight to hold my hand through this day. I hadn’t been home in twelve years, and the faces that surrounded me looked like strangers. But Declan was here. He knew my father as a family friend, but it felt like he was here forme.Even though we had only reconnected in the last week, he was more than I could have hoped for.
“Thank you, Declan,” I managed to utter softly.?
Before I knew it, the funeral was starting. Declan had gotten out of his seat so my mother and Chase could sit by my side. Squeezing my shoulder to remind me he was here for me, he moved into the row behind mine with his family.
It was time for me to address the room of strangers. Because I didn’t know most of these people, it should be easier for me to get this speech out, right? The chapel was so still you could hear a pin drop. Walking up to the podium, speech in hand, I unfolded the crinkled piece of paper for the fiftieth time, surprised it hadn’t ripped in my hands yet.
In my head, I repeated the words Declan told me.“When it gets tough up there, look in my eyes and I’ll be right here to help you along the way.”I took a big breath, looked out to the crowd, and spotted Declan looking right back at me as I worked up thecourage to speak. The ease I desperately needed washed over me as I looked into his eyes.
He gave his head a curt nod as if he was telling me it was all going to be okay.
It was time to make my dad proud.
DECLAN
My eyes were set on her. I meant what I said. I wanted her to look into my eyes when she needed strength. I wanted to be the person she came to when she needed someone.?
Standing up there in front of everyone, she was vulnerable, and I saw her in a completely different light. There was both strength and sadness behind her eyes. And she was so damn brave and incredibly strong for voicing her deepest thoughts and feelings about her father.
I didn’t know if I’d be able to stand up there and do what she was doing. She was a stronger person than I’d ever be.
She was fidgeting, spinning her golden ring around her finger. Something I’d seen her do when she got nervous.
I mouthed, “You can do this.”?
Sending me a small nod in return, her chest rose as she took a deep breath. Beginning her speech, I sat there in admiration, not once letting my eyes stray from her. I wasn’t lying when I said her dad would admire what she had to say in her speech today, because I was in awe of this woman and anything that came out of her mouth.
Those emerald eyes of hers started to tear up, and I so badly wanted to stand by her side, squeeze her hand for support, and help her get through this.?
“You were always a shining light, the person I went to when I needed guidance, and you loved me and everyone around you so fiercely. A kind of love that can never be replaced and will forever be missed.”
She continued to speak of her father with the utmost respect. She reflected back to some of her favorite memories spent with him and the rest of her family. Her speech wasn’t just coming from her; she involved them, too.
Her mom and Chase sat in front of me, sniffling at the kind words Paige had put together. As expected, there wasn’t a dry eye in this church. Paige had a way with words, and she didn’t even know it.
Concluding her speech and thanking everyone for attending and celebrating his life, she walked off the stage, passing right by the pew where I sat, and headed straight for the bathrooms. I didn’t care if all eyes were on me as I stood up when she walked by. I needed to follow her. She needed me. At least that’s what I was letting myself believe.
