Page 4 of Final Goodbye
“As you set out on the journey of life, I want you to know how proud I am of you and who you’ve become. Now it’s time to step up and show us what you can become, and I know you can become whatever you desire. I love you, Paige, and always know I’m here whenever you need me. All my love to you, Dad.”?
I couldn’t hold back any longer.
Tears formed, blurring my vision from reading over the card. A drop rolled off my cheek, smudging the decade-old black ink.
My body finally broke down into a mess as I muffled my sobs into my pillow, clutching the blue greeting card in my fist, refusing to let it go. The tears had built up over the last twenty-four hours, and all I could do was read that message over and over again. My dad had so much hope for me. He was so proud of me for leaving this small town and going to the big city for college. All for what? To become a thirty-year-old college dropout turned bartender? What had I even done with my life besides leaving this town behind??
I love you, Paige, and always know I’m here whenever you need me.
I reread the last part of the card, that phrase on a loop inside my head.
What if I need you now, Dad? What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
The thoughts were all-consuming, continuing all night long until I finally drifted off into a deep sleep. I cried myself to sleep so I could wake up stronger, start making plans, get more answers, and find some closure. I had a list of things to do, and it was a mile long.
I woke up the next morning to a pounding headache. I laid there staring up at the ceiling, wondering what my day ahead would look like. Would my mom finally come out of her room? Would I get everything done on my to-do list? Would it be just me planning what was to come, or would my mother help? My dad was an only child. He had no siblings, his parents had both passed, and the family was small.
It was just us left behind.
My first step was to take a shower, hoping that would help wake me up and take this headache away. I turned on the water to scalding hot and let it run over me for what seemed like thirty minutes. A moment to myself was essential before I finished getting ready for the day.?
I had yet to unpack, and my clothes were thrown all over the place after searching for something to change into last night before I went to bed. The thin white tee and my favorite pair of ripped jeans would have to do. There was no use putting anymakeup on just to run a few errands in town, so I threw my hair up in a messy bun and tied up my black and white Converse before checking on Chase.
There was sound coming from the other side of his bedroom door. Assuming he was awake, I raised my hand and gave it a gentle knock.
“Chase, I’m headed out to get some groceries and run some errands. There are still some bagels for breakfast, but text me if you need anything. I’ll be back in a while.”?
A moment passed before he responded.
“Okay, I’ll see you later.”
It was a short response, but I was just glad someone in this household was acknowledging my existence.
Stopping by my mom’s bedroom, I let her know the same thing as I did Chase, but there were still crickets where she was concerned. She may be locked up in her bedroom and not speaking to me at the moment, but I’d heard the toilet flush a time or two and the floorboards creak, so at least that told me she was okay.?
First things first, coffee. Heading down to High Street, I knew I needed to make a stop at the coffee shop. The sign forMugswas just ahead.
The smell of freshly-roasted coffee beans hit me in the face as I walked in.Mugshad a cozy appeal with the soft sounds of Bon Iver’s music playing in the background, the dark mahogany wood, and Edison bulbs hanging from the ceiling. There was a bar top right in front of the window so you could people watch while you drank your coffee. Couches were scattered around with more small tables and a fireplace that was lit, making it feel like the perfect fall day.?
In a town full of old shops and historic buildings, this modernized coffee shop reminded me of one I’d see back in Phoenix.
I walked up to the counter, immediately recognizing the barista. Almost every shop in this small town was locally owned and had been passed down in the family for decades.?Hannah had been here for years, since her family owned the place. She worked the counter back in the day, even when I lived here as a kid. Even though I had been away for years, it didn’t mean the people here forgot who you were, especially if your dad just died and the town gossips were busy chatting about it.
Hannah gave me a sweet smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. That look clued me in that she’d heard the news.
“Paige, it’s been a while, sweetie. I wish you were back in town under better circumstances.” Yup, there it was. I figured something like this would happen while I was out and about today.
I couldn’t expect the people of this town to completely forget who I was, even if it had been twelve years since I was last here. If I still remembered who they were, it was just as likely that they would remember me.
I tried my best to change the subject and avoid the conversation having to do with my dad altogether. I gave her a half smile and said, “It’s nice to see you again, Hannah. I hope the kids are doing well.”?People loved any opportunity to talk about their fucking kids. Hopefully she’d take the bait.
“Thank you, the kiddos are great. So grown up since the last time you’ve seen them. You probably wouldn’t even recognize them!” Her face lit up with the mention of her children. I chuckled, giving her a small laugh, hoping it wouldn’t come out fake. When I looked up at the menu, she chimed back in, sensing I didn’t want to entertain any more small talk. “What can I get you to drink, dear?”
“I’ll just take a large latte. To go, please.” Emphasis on the large; I’d be needing it today.?
Waiting over by the counter for my coffee to come up, I scrolled through my phone that I’d had on silent since I found out I needed to come home.
There had been a lot going on, and I had tunnel vision, being overly focused on getting back here, so I forgot to text my boss at the bar back in Phoenix to let her know I had to take some time off. That it was an emergency. Jotting a few words down, I quickly shot off a text, not caring what would come of it.?
