Page 28 of Off the Charts
“Need you to remind me where I come from. Ground me when I’m tumbling, spiraling, plummetin’ down to earth. You keep me down to earth,” she sang, swinging her hips. “Lie to me and say my booty getting bigger even if it ain’t.”
I found myself studying her every move. It was typical to say that she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, but beauty wasn’t just in the physical. Beauty was in the soul; in the way you carried yourself. It was in the way a person could command a room the second they stepped into it. Jersei had a light and on top of all that the pretty mutha’fucka was stacked from head to toe. Her hair was thick and natural. I pictured waking up to the smells of whatever hair products she used in my nostrils and imagined how much I could grip in my hands when I was hitting her with deep strokes from the back. It was supposed to be platonic but I’m a grown man with a hefty appetite and I needed the entrée of Jersei’s fine ass served on a glass fucking platter.
“Can I ask you something?” She interrupted my thinking.
I pulled the stems from the grapes then put them in the basket. “What’s up, J?”
“What’s the story behind your name? Did your mama have an obsession with vases or something? I’an ever met a nigga named after an object.”
I hollered. Jersei put her hands on her hips, but the shit was even funnier to me because she was genuinely concerned. “Well for one, I appreciate you for asking and not teasing a nigga although I wouldn’t give a fuck no way. But honestly, I’on knowwhy she named me after a vase. Niggas add an extra letter to a regular name and think they going down as a hero. An extra letter does not make that shit more unique. I wish I had a better answer for you, but I have no clue why my name is what it is. I never asked ‘cause what the fuck I’ma do? Change it? I accepted it, but I can only assume our daddy’s name started with a V.”
Jersei’s smile faded. “You don’t know your dad?”
I shook my head. “Nah. Never bothered me either.”
“I didn’t know mine either. It’s like if you can miss out on somebody like me then, that’s on you nigga.”
“Facts.” I plucked more grapes. “So how long you been free?”
Jersei looked over her shoulder at me. “What do you mean?”
“From your situation with Zion’s father or any situation. Shit, let me rephrase that. What does your love life look like?”
Jersei’s movements slowed. She pulled another sweet potato up then turned in my direction. She was drenched in sweat, so I took it upon myself to call a break. Grabbing her hand in mine, I led her toward the water hose on the side of the house. I hadn’t used the towel draped on my shoulder, so I turned the hose on, wet the towel, and pulled her closer to me. I took my time patting her forehead, neck, and chest with the cool rag. I could feel her looking up at me but each time I tried to make eye contact, she’d looked away.
“I appreciate this,” Jersei mumbled.
“I got you, J.” I wiped her forehead once more. “We ain’t got no water out here so your country ass gone have to drink out the hose.”
She laughed. “I’an think you know nothing about that, city boy.”
“Man, what? There wasn’t no running in and out. I wanted to stay outside and kick it with my niggas. To do that and not pass the fuck out, I was drinking out the hose,” I chuckled.
Like the old days, we took turns drinking out the water hose until we were satisfied. Shit, we lived when we drank it back then, it would be no different now. Jersei and I sat in a swing that was in the shade. I reclined while she tucked her feet under her, angling her body toward me. I started to swing us a little as I gave her my full attention.
Her large eyes looked off in the distance as though she were in deep thought. When she started speaking, it confirmed my thinking. “To answer you, it’s been seven months since I’ve been out of a relationship. Before Solomon, I had like two boyfriends on some high school and just entering college type shit. He wasn’t my first sexually, but he was the first man to show me something different and because of that I fell in love. Then, I found out he was cheating on me with a man. That man being his assistant who is also Zy’s God dad.”
“Damn,” slipped out my lips. I wasn’t expecting her to say that. I figured he’d cheated but not under those circumstances.
“Damn is right, but I came out clean so praise the Lord,” she chuckled, folding her arms against her chest. “It hurt because everything changed. He was the breadwinner, and I was a stay-at-home mom. The second shit hit the fan; he threw it right in my face. That made me realize I didn’t have an identity, and it almost feels like that’s exactly what he wanted. My anger and resentment made every feeling that I labeled as love fade away. I questioned if I ever loved him at all. He did a lot for me financially and was an amazing father to Zy, but the more I’ve reflected on it, I was getting love bombed, not loved.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, J. Love is blind especially when you dive headfirst. It doesn’t come with a manual, so over ninety percent of the time, you are winging the shit. I think the two biggest risks in your life are love and not taking any risks at all,” I listed out on two fingers. She nodded, still looking off in the distance. “We never know until we try sounds simple. Youtried and although the shit didn’t work, that’s something to give yourself credit for especially if you learned from it,” I folded my arm behind my head to get a better view of her.
“I did. I learned to never be so fucking dependent on a man. Nobody but God should ever hold your life in the palm of their hand. I lost myself, so this season is about finding Jersei and putting myself where I always wanted to be.”
“Self-discovery is a beautiful thing,” I watched her hair blow in the much-needed wind as we rocked. “I know you told me you don’t work a traditional nine to five. Care to tell me what you do?”
Jersei looked toward the garden. “If I tell you, will you judge me?”
I shook my head slowly. “Nah. I have no room to.”
“I was doing content. Not fucking content,” she quickly explained throwing her hands up, but my expression never changed. “It’s solo and I don’t remove my clothes. Most of them want a video of me twerking, or a picture of my toes. It pays a hell of a lot of money, but it’s temporary. Half of me likes the money but the real reason is I like the feeling of being wanted, even if it’s by a stranger.”
This entire time, her eyes weren’t on me, but once she allowed those words to slip, they landed on me. I wish she knew how much I appreciated her vulnerability.
“You’re good, mama. I’m listening to your words and your heart. Finish talking.”
She blinked, taking a deep breath. The second her lips moved, her eyes darted away from mine.
