Page 105 of In the Danger Zone
“This is easier with a partner,” I noted out loud.
“You’ll get better at this the more you do it.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Trust me. Keep skating. It’s fun. And soon you won’t need me to hold your hand.”
“I like it when you hold m-my hand.” I shouldn’t have said it. I really shouldn’t have. Because Evan literally stopped in his tracks, and I stopped too. The action caused me to stumble, but Evan grabbed my waist, pulling me to him. My hands landed on his broad chest to get some balance, and it felt like beinghome. Despite the cold air, Evan felt warm and perfect. He felt like comfort. Like the ache in my heart could maybe be fixed. Slowly, of course.
“You can’t say stuff like that to me, Daisy,” Evan said seriously. “Not when I miss you as bad as I do.”
My eyes closed. “I didn’t m-mean to… I’m not trying to m-mess with your head or anything. B-But…”
“Yeah?” His hands gripped my waist that little bit tighter.
“I m-miss you, Evan,” I finally confessed.
“Daisy.” Evan lifted up a hand, still keeping me steady with his other one. Slowly he traced two fingers along the side of my face, his touch so gentle and calming. “I miss you too. I miss you so, so much. All I do is think about you. Every morning, every night. You’re the only one that I have on my mind.”
Slowly nodding, I took in his kind words. Of course they went straight to my heart. My heart that was slowly healing.Healing. Nothealed. Because I could picture his face from that night in my head. Those cruel words he said to me were very much replaying over and over.
“I’m n-not ready to forgive you, though,” I said with wet eyes. “I just… Evan, the things that you said to m-me. And the way you picked him over m-me. Him of all people. The person who’s spent so m-many years hurting m-me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you, Daisy. I am. I’ve never regretted something so much in my life,” Evan said, his voice sounding pained. “I should have listened to you. I never should have let Asher get in my head.”
“B-But you did, Evan. That’s exactly what you did. And when he joked about m-my stutter, right there with all your friends. When you let them laugh at m-me.” I moved away from Evan that tiny bit when the pain of that day hit me again. “You don’t know what it’s like the b-be laughed at, to have people look at you and think that you’re n-nothing. You’ve never b-been that person. B-But I have. M-My whole life. And when I got here, when I started college, I thought I could b-be someone who didn’t get laughed at every time she talked to someone. I don’t want to b-be popular. I don’t want to get invited to parties and have everyone love m-me. I just want… respect. I just want people to treat m-me like I m-matter. I thought you were that guy, b-but then you went and…”
The tears began to fall and I was quick to hide my face from Evan. God, I couldn’t even get control over my emotions. It was embarrassing and stupid, because I just wanted to be strong. But I was so sick and tired of everyone treating me like I didn’t matter.
“Daisy, please,” whispered Evan.
Strong arms circled around me. Evan was pulling me back into him. It was the first time he had held me properly in a long time. I stayed there, wishing I didn’t enjoy the sensation of his strong arms around me. But I did. I loved the feeling and I loved him. Evan was home for me.
He held me tighter, my face pressed right up against his chest. I felt his lips kiss the top of my head, his strong body stupidly comforting. All I wanted was to stay there in his arms, out on the ice, and forget everything that had happened.
But I couldn’t. Not yet.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “You have every right to hate me. But I need you. I wanna fix this mistake. Please just let me fix it. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I’ll do it right now. I’ll do it for the rest of my life. Just please tell me how to make this better.”
“I have to go,” I mumbled into his chest.
“Daisy, don’t. Please. Just talk to me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I did.” Evan’s voice was getting louder. He sounded anxious and frustrated all at once. “I fucked up. You can punish me if you need to. God, you can shoot pucks at me all day or something if you want. Whatever it is. I just need you to please forgive me. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry for what I did to you. It’s the worst thing I could have ever done. And I don’t deserve to be standing next to you right now, but please, baby, let me try and make it better. Please, please, please. I’m sorry.”
My lips trembled as I moved from Evan. I stared at his face, instantly noticing all of the pain that I could read in his eyes. If he hadn’t done what he had done and said what he had said, it would all be so different. And as much as I just wanted to fall right back into Evan’s arms, I couldn’t.
“I… I have to go,” I repeated, shaking my head at him. “I’m sorry. I c-can’t do this. I can’t.”
“Daisy, please.” Evan skated over to me, eyes big. He reached out for me, looking like he wanted to grab my hands. When I inched away from him he let out a shaky breath. “Please, please, please. I’m sorry I fucked up. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’ll never do it again. I promise you. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t ever wanna hurt you. I’m begging you, Daisy.”
But I couldn’t. Not yet. Not when I just couldn’t forget.
“I… I can’t,” was all I said to him. I turned around as gracefully as I could and somehow managed to skate off the ice and on to the much safer cement. I didn’t have it in me to turn around.
But I could still feel Evan’s eyes on me as I left him there all alone on the ice.
Chapter 46
EVAN
