Page 136 of Sinful as They Come
“Go tell him. Go.”
The words made my heart stop for a second. I pulled away from my mother, staring into her eyes. I had to blink a few times, my vision a little blurry. But I could see the smallest of comforting smiles on her face.
“Go?” I parroted.
“Go see him. Go talk to him. Just promise me you’ll calm down for a few minutes and drive safe. Can you do that for me?” she asked, her voice turning a little stern.
I nodded quickly. “I… I can do that…”
She wasted no time grabbing a glass of water from the dining room. The dining room where the mess started. I gulped down the water, not realizing how badly I needed the cool liquid on my throat until that point.
I focused on my breathing, getting it back on track before I rubbed at my eyes. They were swollen, but after dabbing at them softly my vision felt much better. I could focus more, my heart rate calming down and my shaky hands slowly becoming steady. My mom checked me over, giving me a nod of approval.
“Go tell him how much you love him,” she said with a warm smile. “Go.”
“But… But what about…?”
“I’ll handleyour father. Just go.”
I nodded at her, spun around, and snatched my car keys off the table by the door. I was gonna do it. I was gonna see Sawyer and pray that he hadn’t fallen back into that hatred he once had for me. He had every right to despise me. My father knew how to push Sawyer’s buttons, knew exactly how to get under Sawyer’s skin and expose any and all insecurities.
But I needed Sawyer to know that none of that mattered to me. Not a damn thing.
Chapter 48
SAWYER
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” I kicked every piece of furniture that dared to cross my path. Shitty dining table, old chair, second hand coffee table. All of it was a reminder that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t the man Holly needed and deserved.
No. I was exactly what everyone called me. I was trailer park trash through and through. My hands grabbed at my hair, running them roughly through my locks and ruining any of that tidy, sleek look I had forced upon myself before I left for Holly’s house earlier.
Holly.
Fuck.
Why couldn’t I be it for her? Why couldn’t I be that guy? I was screwed from day one. I didn’t have the chance to be the guy she deserved. It wasn’t fair. I was so ready to give my all to her. Every bit of my life. But what was there to give? One day she would want more. One day she would meet someone who could give her that million-dollar life.
That guy wasn’t me.
A knock at the door had me lifting my head up. Brodie wasn’t going to be back until tomorrow night. Maybe Holly’s dad had followed me. Maybe he wanted to punch me in the face for the last few words I had said to him.
I was ready to say more. I was ready to kick his ass even if it meant getting sued to hell and back. Standing up and taking quick steps to the trailer door, I snatched it open.
And there stood Holly with wet eyes, the sun slowly setting behind her.
“Sawyer.” She broke the silence.
It felt so good to hear my name on her pretty lips. But I didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve her. Tonight was proof of that. Everything her dad said was the truth. I didn’t want him to be right, but those were the facts. And I didn’t want to ruin Holly’s life.
“Go home,” was all I said to Holly. I turned around, not wanting to look into her eyes. Icouldn’t. It was too hard. Instead I leaned on the kitchen counter. But I could still hear her sigh from behind me. She wasn’t leaving. “Holly, go home before your parents call the cops,” I muttered, still not turning around.
She sighed. “What, you’re not even gonna look at me?”
No. That’s too fucking hard.
“Holly…” I said lowly. My voice was weak. I was exhausted. And defeated. “Just go.”
“I’m not leaving until we talk.”
