Page 68 of Sinful as They Come
I noticed there was no real malice to his voice. There was no anger, no edge. Was he trying to goad information out of me for a future fight or was he genuinely curious? My foot tapped against the floor.
“Look, you caught us in a bad moment,” I tried to explain. HowcouldI explain? Carter was like that sometimes. A lot of the time, actually. But I couldn’t admit that to Sawyer. “I’m sorry you had to see that. Couples fight all the time. Usually that’s in private. But thanks to our fun camping trip, you just happened to see us in the middle of an argument. I appreciate the concern, but everything between me and Carter is fine. I love him. He loves me. Everything is perfect.”
The worst part was how unconvincing I sounded. Could Sawyer pick up on that? Was he going to sit there and laugh in my face?
“You act weird around him,” Sawyer said.
I forced out a laugh. “No, I don’t.”
“You get all quiet. Like you’re questioning yourself. I’m not used to seeing you like that. I’m used to seeing you all…” He shifted in his chair a little. “Confident. Like when you’re cheering and yelling and doing all those backflips and whatever the hell you do. And the way you talk to me? You never let me walk all over you.”
“You’re more fun to argue with…”
Snickering a tiny bit, that sound quickly faded away as a deep frown took over Sawyer’s face. “I just don’t get what you fucking see in him.”
“This is gonna sound really dumb, and you’re probably gonna laugh, but… I want… You know, the fairytale,” I whispered, feeling a hint of embarrassment, because why was I confessing anything to Sawyer? “And when we first got together, I thought we had that. He was a totally different person. He was so sweet…”
Sawyer scoffed.
“Sweet to me, at least,” I said. “We just made sense. You know, I was on the field cheering and he was playing football, and it just worked. I realize how cliché it all sounds. He’s the quarterback, I’m the head cheerleader. But I liked how easy it all was at the start. Relationships are supposed to be easy,” I said with a heavy sigh, because I knew mine was anything but. “I love the idea of high school sweethearts. You know, being with your first love, with the same person for the rest of your life, sharing everything together… It just sounds so romantic… And we used to do all the stuff I liked. The stuff I thought he liked too. We’d watch the sunset and we’d go for long drives and just be together…” But then he’d get all handsy and pushy, and the gentleman who showed up at my front door to pick me up suddenly disappeared. Then he’d huff and puff when he didn’t get his way, and I was left feeling stupid and shameful. I was still so badly waiting for the guy I fell for to come back to me. “But I have to grow up and not expect my life to be like a fairytale. I guess I like romance a little too much…”
Shaking his head slightly, he huffed. “Why do you keep doing that?”
“What?”
“You think you have to change? The guy has you in tears and you still think you’re the problem?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“You always get everything you want, don’t you?” he said lowly. “So why are you settling for a guy who doesn’t give you all of that fairytale romance stuff that you want?”
“Some guys aren’t into that. I have to accept that Carter is one of those guys. I can be needy sometimes, you know?” More and more heat crept up in my cheeks – in my whole body – as it dawned on me that Sawyer was giving merelationshipadvice. “God, I don’t even know why I’m telling youthis.”
Sawyer kept quiet, however. All I could hear were the cars that zoomed up and down the freeway that must have kept him up all night. We stayed there in the kitchen without barking at each other. There was no fighting. No mean words. It was oddly peaceful.
I needed a distraction. Grabbing the peas from Sawyer’s hand, I held the bag to Sawyer’s eye again. My fingers brushed up against his warm skin and my cheeks quickly felt red and hot. Me and Sawyer rarely spent time in the same room alone. We especially didn’t spend time with me holding a bag of peas to his face after he just got into a fight with his dad.
Sawyer said something, but he mumbled the words and I couldn’t quite hear him.
“Hm?” I prompted, moving the bag away from his face.
“I said…” He closed his eyes for a short second before staring at me. “I said you deserve better than that.”
As much as I tried to fight the feeling, the words went straight to my heart. No one knew how much Carter hurt me sometimes. Even Annie. Even the other girls on the cheer team. It was sad how Sawyer seemed to know more about my relationship troubles than anyone else.
Did I deserve better? Did I really?
Carter was supposed to be perfect. But there were days when I wanted nothing more than to run away from him, to keep him at a long distance. But he was mine and I was his and he wasn’t always so cold to me. He could be sweet when he wanted to be.
But God, when he was cruel he wasreallycruel. And sometimes that side of him showed up far too often.
I had to fight back the tears, but there was one quiet sentence I made sure to let out, because I had a feeling Sawyer needed to hear it too.
“So do you,” I said.
Chapter 22
SAWYER
