Page 132 of Sinful as They Come
My eyes shut as I let out a hiss. That fucking name again. It really rolled off the tongue for some people. Holly seemed to sense the name getting to me, because I felt her give my hand a squeeze. But it wasn’t helping me calm down. The anger was quickly building inside of me, boiling up second by second, my heart racing as Holly’s dad carried on looking at me like I was the person he hated most in the world.
“Don’t call him that,” Holly insisted. “Don’t. That’s not what he is, and that’s not fair.”
Joe scoffed. “That’s exactly what he is. And that’s where he lives. You want me to lie to you, kid?” He stepped away from his chair, crossing the room over to me. “That’s what you are. Trailer. Park. Trash. And I’m not letting my daughter ruin her life for some kid who’s going nowhere. You aren’t good enough for her. You never will be.”
“Shut your fucking mouth.” I shut my eyes, doing my best to put a pause on my fury.
“It’s the truth. You really thought someone like you could be with someone likeHolly? Look at the house you’re standing in. This is closest you’ll ever get to success, because after tonight, you might finally realize that Holly can do so much better than you.”
Fucking Christ. He knew just what to say to push my buttons. It would have been so easy to take him down and slam a fist into his jaw. Sometimes violencewasthe answer. But then I’d be leaving Highland Park in handcuffs.
“Stop it!” Holly said. “Stop. Daddy, you’re being cruel. You don’t know Sawyer like I do. All you have to do is sit down and talk to him and—”
“Did she tell you she got into college?” her dad asked with a smile. “Columbia. NewYork City. Far, far away from you.”
My heart stopped. At least it felt like it did. New York City… The other side of the country. It may as well have been on the other side of the world. I turned to Holly slowly, and she was looking right back at me. Big eyes, trembling lips, flushed cheeks.
“I was gonna tell you tonight,” she squeaked out. “I wanted to surprise you.”
I cleared my throat. “You got in?” Jesus, my voice was quiet. I was happy for her. So damn happy for her. But the situation we were in didn’t give me a chance to express any of that.
Holly nodded. “I only just got the letter. I wanted to surprise you, because… Because I wanted to invite you to come with me. Daddy has an apartment there. He’s gonna let me live there instead of on campus. And… And I want you there with me. Just you and me. I can study and you can paint and it’ll be so, so perfect—”
“That’s not happening,” Holly’s dad quickly snapped. “No chance. That apartment is foryouto live in, Holly. Not for…thatthing.” He eyed me up and down as if I was the scum of the earth. “He’s not welcome there.”
“Well, you’re not the one living there!” Holly fought back. “If I want Sawyer there, then he’s coming with me. If he wants to come with me…” She turned to me, suddenly getting all shy. “You do wanna live with me, right?”
Yes. So, so bad. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I wanted to wake up with her and go to bed with her and make her my fucking wife one day. But I didn’t get the chance to say that to her.
“He is not moving into the apartment!” he barked back. “No chance. You’re not living there at all then!Ibought that place. Your cousins have all stayed there while studying at Columbia. My plan was for you to do the same. But not everyone is invited, Holly. Understand that.”
“Then I’ll live on campus!” Holly threw her hand up. “Or find an apartment. I don’t care. As long as me and Sawyer are together then I’m happy.”
“I thought I raised you better than this,” he continued. “When are yougoing to wake up and see the truth?”
“And what’s the truth?” Holly rolled her eyes.
“You don’t get it, Holly.” He smirked, looking at me the whole time. “Call it life experience. Call it intuition. Whatever it is, I can tell you this much: Sawyer Westbrook will ruin your life. It’s simple. He’s not good enough for you. Never has been and never will be. You’re gonna go off to college, and marry a lawyer or a businessman or a CEO, and you’re gonna be happy with him. And Sawyer? Sawyer’s gonna spend the rest of his life living in his shitty, old trailer, making paintings no one wants while you forget all about him.”
He had done it. He had reached into my mind, pulled out every little insecurity I had, and laid them all out in front of me for me to breathe in. There was no escaping it. That was my biggest fear. Holly could do better. Fuck, she was so far out of my league it was a wonder she even knew my name. Everything he said could happen. Me being a total fuck up loser. And Holly marrying some rich prick lawyer asshole who could give her everything she wanted.
Everything he said was right. I hated him for it, but he was telling the truth, and I couldn’t hide away from any of that.
Holly squeezed at my hand. But I couldn’t squeeze it back. I was happy for her. She got into her dream college. She worked hard and she deserved her reward. But holy shit. New York City. She’d be there. In class. Surrounded by guys like Carter. Guys with parents who threw money at all their problems. Guyswithparents, ‘cause at that point in time, I felt like a fuckin’orphan. Guys with expensive suits and ties and fancy cars and office jobs lined up for them. Guys who could give Holly everything that she deserved, and she deserved the world.
Those guys made sense for someone like Holly. And I could never be that guy. Fuck, why couldn’t I be? Why couldn’t I just be good enough for her?
My eyes shut and I let go of Holly’s hand. “You’re right,” I said lowly.
“No, he’s not right,” Holly snapped at me. She sounded furious with me. “Everything he said is a lie and he’s just saying that to make you mad. I’m not gonna marry some lawyer or some boring, cliché businessman. I’m not.That’s not what I want from life, Sawyer. I want you.” Her voice cracked a little. Was she about to cry?
My eyes shut at the sound. Fuck. Every time I had seen her cry had been because of Carter. But now she was crying because of me. Because I had stormed into her life when she should have been finding some guy whose daddy bought him everything he wanted. She deserved a perfect life. And I couldn’t give that to her.
I was fucking delusional for ever thinking I could be that guy.
“Maybe… Maybe we should all just calm down,” Holly’s mom whispered, scurrying over to her daughter. “Holly, let’s go into the living room. Let’s just—"
“No!” Holly shook her head. “No. This is… Sawyer, don’t let him get to you. I don’t want—"
