Page 22 of Aquarius Awakening
“I’m right here, love, whenever you’re ready. We can take this as slow as you need to,” he reassured.
I halted my steps and looked into his eyes. There was no doubting Jacob’s sincerity. I wanted so badly to feel his lips on mine. It still felt too soon to do anything with Jacob. I didn’t want to use Jacob to mask my feelings from my failed marriage. Instead of feeding into my desires, I tightened my grip on his hand and continued to enjoy the beauty of the garden.
After another hour, I was ready to go. I was starving and my feet hurt.
“Do you want a hot dog?” Jacob asked as we approached the cart.
“You’re taking this trip down memory lane too far now. Do you know how gross those carts are?”
“Don’t get bougie on me now. We’re just some kids from Queens. Ain’t nothing wrong with some dirty dogs,” he replied.
I scrunched up my nose and looked at Jacob like he was crazy as he walked over to the cart. He then got himself a hot dog with ketchup and mustard. After Jacob paid the man, he took a big bite.
“You don’t know what you’re missing, love,” he teased.
“Don’t call me later when your stomach is messed up. I can’t believe you’re really eating that.”
Before we reached the front of the park, Jacob had finished his hot dog. I went into my bag and passed him a piece of gum. He scrunched his nose in confusion. Then Jacob put his hand up to his face to check his breath. Reluctantly, he grabbed the piece of gum before opening the door to let me into the car.
Hours later, I was all alone in my living room, staring blankly at the television. Jacob had to go pick up Jada from school. I could tell he didn’t want to leave me. It was nice to know he was growing as attached to me as I was to him. When Jacob stood up to Mason for me, I knew I had married the wrong man. Mason was tough when he belittled me, but in the presence of another man, he backed down.
The thought of Mason reminded me that I had never looked at the photos Lisa sent over from the private investigator. As I opened my email, I clicked on the attached file. One by one, I scrolled through the pictures of Mason and his very pregnant mistress. If I wasn’t mistaken, she was due any day now. He looked as happy with her as he used to be with me. They walked around the city on various days as if he weren’t a cheating husband.
He complained about my bringing Jacob to the condo, but by the looks of the photos, the mistress had spent a few nights over there. The photos prompted me to check his social media pages. If they were friends online, I would be able to find her page. After a bit of digging, I found her profile. Her page was public, and I was able to see the photos of the happy family. There werephotos from a recent maternity shoot on the page as well. They looked happy together.
Sadness swept over me, not because of Mason. I envied him for having a baby, despite the way he treated me. It hurt me that he got what we both wanted in the end. Not even the negotiations over our property hurt me as much as these pictures did.
Mason was an asshole, yet he got his perfect ending. A wave of self-pity took over me. Before I knew it, tears were falling down my face. I cried for the child I miscarried. If I had carried my pregnancy to term, the baby would be six months old. My tears continued to fall as I thought of how my body had betrayed me. All I ever wanted was to be a wife, mother, and owner of a successful fashion brand. Instead, I married the wrong man and was unable to bring a child into this world.
Once I’d had enough of feeling sorry for myself, I deleted the email. I never wanted another moment of weakness to have me look at them again. It was time to close this chapter of my life permanently. I went to the booking site for my fertility specialist’s office. Dr. Carter happened to have some availability for tomorrow, so I made my appointment and then went to bed. Tomorrow, I will explore my options of becoming a mother on my own. Mason had moved on, and it was time for me to do the same.
New Beginnings
I would sayit felt odd being back in Dr. Carter’s office without Mason, but it didn’t. As I did most of our appointments by myself, it felt like my normal routine. The eerie feeling I felt during my last visit was no longer present. Today, I felt good. I knew I would be doing something for myself. It was a relief not to have the added pressure of Mason. On my way here, I decided that no matter what Dr. Carter and I discussed today, I would be okay.
A soft knock on the door alerted me that Dr. Carter was on her way in.
“Faith, it’s so good to see you again,” Dr. Carter greeted me as she took her seat behind the large cherry wood desk.
“Always a pleasure, Dr. Carter,” I responded with a smile.
Dr. Carter logged into the computer, so I assumed she was pulling up my file.
“We left off with you considering if you wanted to fertilize your oocytes. Have you and Mason decided on that?” she questioned.
“Mason and I have decided to divorce. We are currently separated, so I’m here to see what options I have of conceiving on my own.”
Dr. Carter’s face held a look of shock, and she actually looked kind of sad.
“I’m very sorry to hear that. I know how difficult fertility can be on couples. In terms of treatment, we can go a few different routes. If you want to freeze some more eggs before proceeding with further in vitro fertilization treatments, that’s an option. Doing a couple of cycles would give you more eggs and increase the number of embryos that can be created. You would need to purchase some sperm to fertilize the eggs. While I don’t recommend artificial insemination for patients who have already done in vitro without success, you could try. I have seen some cases where patients have achieved pregnancy that way using a different sperm source,” she explained.
I felt myself nodding at all the information she provided. Mason previously covered all the treatment expenses, so whatever I decided would be solely on me. The question now became how much I wanted to invest financially and emotionally in myself.
“Whew, that was a lot. I love that I have options. I didn’t know what to expect when I scheduled this appointment. Ideally, I want to avoid starting the process all over again, so I would consider fertilizing the eggs I already have.”
“That’s a great option as well. You froze them because they were like insurance, and now could be the time to cash in. To fertilize them, we just need a new sperm source, either from an anonymous donor or a directed donor. I can have a member of my team go over the details of purchasing versus the direct donor alternative,” she explained.
I sat with Dr. Carter for a little longer. She reviewed the full cycle details with me. Since I wanted to fertilize my eggs, the only thing I would be present for were a few days of monitoring and the transfer of the embryo. The thaw process and testing of the actual embryo would be done in the lab. I loved this option. It took some of the stress away from the overall process. Before I left the office, Dr. Carter provided me with some members of her team to follow up with.
