Page 3 of Aquarius Awakening
I could tell from the tailored suit he wore that Mason took pride in his appearance. As a fashion designer, I knew my designers. Masson had spent a pretty penny on everything from the suit and cufflinks to the shoes. As we conversed through the evening, I learned he worked in banking. That initial meeting led to our first date. Within a year, we were married. By the third year of our marriage, we decided to start our family. Sadly, that decision felt like the beginning of the end of us.
During the first few months of our trying, we were optimistic. However, after six months had passed with no luck, we decided to seek help. Dr. Carter started us out with some artificial insemination cycles. I was only thirty at the time, so we did six cycles. When they didn’t work, we moved on to in vitro fertilization. We decided to batch some eggs and embryos just to cover all bases. The eggs would only be fertilized if the embryos we used were not viable. The process had been grueling.
With the last artificial insemination cycle, I did get pregnant. Sadly, our celebration was cut short once I miscarried ten weeks into the pregnancy. The miscarriage helped us decide we needed to pursue in vitro fertilization with genetic screening to optimize our chances. This would allow us to test all the embryos prior to transfer. We hoped it would help us avoid another miscarriage.
During the treatments, I also tried acupuncture. I hired a chef to ensure I ate only the best. Then there were the supplements. It felt like every week I found something new totry. All of that, and now, I was at the end of the road of my journey with nothing to show for it but the bloating left from the last round of medications I took.
My legs ached from standing in the same spot for so long, so I took a seat in one of the chairs around the island. Thoughts of the nights I pumped my body with the injections and the mornings of appointments that consisted of ultrasounds and blood draws swam through my mind. It was all just too much. There was no way my marriage would be able to survive if we remained childless.
Whenever I brought up adoption or surrogacy, the recommendation was always discarded. Mason would say hurtful things about him not being the problem. He would say sly things like he didn’t need to suffer because I couldn’t get pregnant. With all the verbal abuse I had endured over the last few years, maybe a child wasn’t the best thing for us.
It was apparent that we had some things to work out. If my infertility brought this side out of him, what would he do to our child when they misbehaved? No matter how bad things got between us, I often hoped that if I gave him what we both desired, he would go back to the man I fell in love with.
The longer I sat in the kitchen, the colder the house felt. I didn’t know what to do. Did I stay with a man who was obviously unhappy with me? Did I continue this process on my own? I had the money and the frozen batch of eggs, so it wasn’t as if I had no options. My only concern was what if Mason didn’t want to give me his sperm? I silently prayed he didn’t mean what he said. Maybe he just needed some time to cool off. My phone buzzed with a message from Mason.
Hubs:
I won’t be home for dinner.
Me:
When will you be back?
I anxiously held the phone in my hand, waiting for a reply. The three dots appeared as if he was writing me back. However, minutes went by, and still nothing. I decided to call him, but the phone continued to ring until the voicemail came on. How much longer would I allow him to treat me this way?
Trouble at Work
I never madeit into the office yesterday. My day was consumed with thoughts of how I wanted my life to look going forward. I tried to wrap my head around a childless future. The majority of my day consisted of my lying in bed under the covers. It wasn’t my finest moment. Maybe I needed to let go of the idea of what a perfect life was. There was no such thing as perfect anyway. My infertility struggle was a testament to that. From the outside looking in, I appeared to have it all—a husband, prime real estate in the big city, and a successful fashion house.
In reality, the past few years were the saddest and loneliest I had ever experienced. Although I wanted to spend anotherday hiding from the world, it wasn’t an option. Milani sent me a message at 6:00 a.m. that there was an issue with our head designer. As I read her message, I sucked my teeth. Our head designer, Leon, was very talented but also very emotional. We all had to tread lightly with him, especially during our busier times of the year. His nerves were always all over the place, just like now, right before our upcoming fashion show.
If there was anything to boost my spirits, it was my closet. Mason had it customized for me before we moved into this penthouse. Although it was large, it was still nowhere near large enough to hold everything I owned. So, each season I switched out my wardrobe. I had a storage unit not too far from us that held the majority of my clothes.
It was bright and sunny outside, so I put on a white, flowy dress, a pair of orange slides, and a tan bag. My shades were a pair from last season’s line that I adored. I stacked several bracelets on my left wrist while my diamond-encrusted watch occupied my right wrist. I glanced at my engagement ring and wedding band. For a moment, I took them off to see how my hand would look without them. The only time I took off my rings was to shower. It felt weird, so I placed them back on.
There was a car waiting for me in front of the building. Milani usually sent a car to pick me up every morning. I appreciated the gesture because it was one less thing for me to worry about. Milani and I had been friends since college. We were actually roommates. During our first semester in college, her major was childhood education. By our second year, she switched to business. Every year after that, she continued to change her mind. By the time I was set to graduate, she told me school wasn’t for her. Milani had tried a number of odd jobs along the way but never landed anything worth her while.
When I started Love Faith, I promised her there would always be an opening for her. About three years ago, she decidedto take me up on my offer. Milani had been a godsend in every way. I loved having someone I could trust working so close to me. This industry was cutthroat and full of snakes, but Milani had my back. Although I would never want her to leave me, I continued to encourage her to find her niche. She was talented in so many different things. Milani always told me she would find what she was looking for when the time was right.
Fifteen minutes later, I arrived at my office. It was kind of early, so the team was still coming in. As I entered my office, I put my bag down and then sat at my desk. I took a deep breath to prepare myself for whatever awaited me in my email inbox.
The number of emails requesting design changes I didn’t approve alarmed me. Leon was the one who authorized the changes based on the emails. He must have been on some kind of power trip. I didn’t know how many times I had to remind Leon that nothing left this place without my final stamp of approval. I felt my pressure rise, so I tried to remain calm. If I went to find him in my current state, it wouldn’t resolve anything. I had to remain levelheaded, even though he was dead wrong. At some point, Milani was at my office door.
“I can tell by the look on your face you saw the emails,” she noted.
“Good morning, girl. Close that door and get in here. What is going on?” I asked.
Milani did as I asked and stepped inside my office. She took a seat on the white suede chair on the opposite side of my desk.
“Good morning. Sorry, girl, where are my manners? Listen, you know how Leon gets. Only this time he seems to be on ten with it,” she expressed.
“I wonder what brought on this behavior this time around. We know how he gets, but now he seems to have lost his mind,” I replied.
“Right. I asked around, but nobody seemed to know if anything was going on with him. Do you want me to call him in here?” Milani asked.
“Yeah, you can call him down. Leon and I need to have a chat,” I stated as I closed out of my email.
Milani got up from her seat to head to her office to call Leon. While she was gone, I rehearsed how the conversation should go in my head. I didn’t want to lose Leon, but I also wouldn’t be disrespected. Love Faith was my baby. If Leon wanted to make changes without my final approval, he wouldn’t be able to continue to work here.
