Page 116 of As They Are
She blinked. “I mean, I could be, but I’m not. I knew something was up, but it was your choice to tell me or not. Obviously, I’d like to know everything about you, but some things are yours to tell. I won’t force them out of you.”
“You want to know everything about me? Even after yesterday?”
“Yesterday?” she repeated. “What about yesterday? Did you mean when you and I ...”
I looked away, images flashing in my mind. Things I wish I’d done differently.
“Do you regret it?” she asked after a long silence.
“I do.”
She jerked back. “Oh ... okay.”
Wren had the same look on her face as when she thought I’d turned her down. I was sure she thought I didn’t notice when she was hiding her hurt, but she always curled inward on herself as if trying to make herself smaller.
I needed to explain. “Youshould regret it too. I acted like a jerk, ordering you around like that. I tried to be way nicer and more communicative, but I snapped, and I’m ... I’m really sorry.”
“Wait, hang on.That’swhat you regret? Just how you acted?”
“Yes. I hold myself to a higher standard. That’s not how I should be.”
She could only stare at me, crossing her arms. “And were you gonna ask me how I felt about it, or were you gonna just assume I was mad?”
I opened my mouth to say that it was obvious she was mad. How could she not be? But then I thought about it. The only time she appeared angry was just now, when I’d told her how she should feel.
Rubbing my face, I let out a long sigh. I couldn’t stop screwing up with her, it seemed.
“No, you’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t get why you wouldn’t be. That’s not a side of me that I like.”
“Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean I feel the same way.”
Now my eyes cut to her. “You ...what?”
“I liked yesterday. A lot, actually. I’m always making decisions and ordering others around. It was a nice change of pace.”
I blinked. “What? But I told you what to do. I was rougher than I should have been.”
“It was still hot, even when you left a hickey and I had to hope Mollie had some foundation that was a decent match for me.” She rubbed her neck right where my mouth had been. “And we probably should have talked more about it, I’ll give you that, but we can talk now. And I’m fine. Really, I am.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’d done all of that and she’dlikedit? “But I’m the mild-mannered doctor. That’s who I am, this other side of me isn’t ... I’m not supposed to be like that.”
“Did you enjoy it, though?” she asked.
“Yes.” There was no hesitation. “Very much.”
“Then this is a part of you too. Like being autistic is. And the misophonia. You don’t have to tell everyone about it, but you also don’t have to hide anything. Not with me. And judging by the way you’re looking at me, I’d say I’m the first person who’s told you that.”
She was right. I hadn’t heard any of this before. It was so strange to hear that I was half tempted to say I was asleep and this was all a weird dream. “My mom doesn’t get it. Neither did ... others.”
“Sometimes we’re around the wrong people for a while, and that lasts.” She let out a humorless laugh, and I had a feeling she was talking from experience. “So I wanna understand.”
“Thank you. I’ll be better?—”
“Don’t worry about being better. Just be wherever you stand for that day.” She gave me a smile before she stood. “And right now, you need a break. And now that I know that you’re okay, I’m gonna go make sure Madison doesn’t try to come here and change your mind.”
Wren leaned down, and for a second, I thought she was going to kiss me. I would have let her. But she didn’t. We must have both remembered the rules at the same time. The sex was a one-time thing. We were back to being friends in private.
She moved away, waving at me as she left. I could only do the same, letting a different kind of regret take me over.
