Page 123 of As They Are
And I didn’t want it to.
I was tempted to ask what he was thinking, but for just this moment, I could let myself pretend that this was all real. He was mine. I was his.
The fantasy was too good to ruin with reality.
“I think he’s gonna keep trying, though. On Madison’s orders.”
“We’ll only wind up disappointing them.”
“My thoughts exactly. With that and ...” I trailed off, thinking of what Mollie asked me. “Some stuff at the farmhouse, a lot is on my mind.”
“Stuff at the farmhouse, huh?” He raised an eyebrow. “Does that have anything to do with Mollie being pregnant?”
“You know?” I asked.
“I do. I saw her rushing to the toilet after you fell off the ladder.”
“It’s pretty easy to figure out, isn’t it?”
“Very. And it’s also easy to see that you have mixed emotions about it.”
“I’m happy for her,” I insisted.
“I know you are, but it’s normal to feel uneasy when friends have major life changes.”
I shook my head. “I’m not upset about that either. She deserves this, and I want her to have everything she wants.”
“So, whatareyou upset about?”
I could lie. Say it was nothing. Henry would see right through it, though. “It’s just that ... life didn’t end up the way I expected, I guess. It’s hard to accept, but it’s not her. And honestly, I don’t want her to see anything other than happiness, because that’s what she deserves.” I shook off thoughts I didn’t want to have. “It just keeps coming up. Sometimes work helps, but now there’s all this stuff with Jude, and even being here feels wrong. I need my brain to shut off for a while.”
“Need another task to do?”
I laughed. “If you say it as an order, it might actually work.”
Henry went rigid, and I realized what I had said.
“That was a joke. A bad one, obviously. Ignore me. I know the rule.”
And he didn’t break them. Ever. I might have loved the sex. He did too, but it was over. Our one time was spent.
“A joke?” he asked. “You didn’t mean that at all?”
I winced. Of course he would want to know if I meant it. “It was a joke with a nugget of truth in it. Idolike the way your voice sounds when you tell me what to do. Especially when I make you get really firm. And when we had sex, it felt like I didn’t have a problem in the world. My brain was quiet. But that’s over, and we’re back to friends. I guess I’ll figure something else out.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’twhat?”
“Figure something else out. If it works, it works.”
“Are you suggesting that I annoy you enough to order me around?”
“I’m suggesting that we explore this.”
“This as inus?”
“Yes.”
