Page 63 of A Lovely White Christmastide
“The musicale?”
“His idea, naturally. What other way could we bring a little excitement to our ordinary lives? There would either be love or war, both of which provide loads of entertainment for a pair of old people like us.”
An uncontrollable giggle bubbled up before Julianna could stop it. So many things had gone wrong, but the picture of her aunt and uncle scheming like criminals to find them matches behind their father’s back was so comical that she could not help but laugh. It was a relief, really, after so much stress.
Aunt Waverly chuckled as well. “Now, go relieve Mr. Kaye’s suffering, for I am certain your father has been pummeling him with questions since you left.”
“Do you really think I will be allowed a word in edgewise before my father determines whether he is worthy?”
“You are right. In that case, let us prepare for battle. It seems we have a knight in shining armor to save.”
Chapter Nineteen
Beth awoke with a headache. Moonlight poured through the window and she wondered why the maid had not come to dress her for dinner. Then she remembered the locked door.
It was no matter. She’d been in no state to join the others.
The memory of her father’s declaration and her sister’s happy expression plagued her. How could they both be so delighted with the change?
Probably because they would be the ones moving forward, living their lives. The thought of Julianna getting married and having a family nearly melted her into another puddle of tears.
By nature she was not a jealous person, but she’d wanted a husband and family for so long that it seemed unfair that her younger sister should gain that privilege first. If only Edward had not deserted her.
No, she’d let him go long ago.
Who was she fooling? She’d only completely let him go when Lord Carswell Bingham had pushed him out and over a cliff.
She was not sure when or how Carswell had burrowed his way in, but somehow his tenderness had won her over. Her heart still warmed when she thought of how he had rescued her, notonce but twice from Mrs. Barker’s harsh presence. He’d listened when she needed a friend and never judged her for her fears, offering comforting reassurances instead. And his kisses… her lips still tingled whenever she thought about it. Edward had given her a few quick pecks, but they were nothing compared to the deep, soul-moving kiss she’d shared with Carswell the night of the ball. Even his sweet caresses had made her battered heart take flight and hope to love again.
But Carswell did not believe in love.
Had he felt nothing, no stirring within that hoped to make her as happy as she wished to make him? She pulled her blanket up to her nose.
She could never imagine a marriage devoid of love. Not that he had spoken to her of such things. It was only the wishful imaginings of her fanciful heart.
Why did she have to be so easily won over? Could she not have withstood his sweet words and kind gestures for at least another fortnight? Then she could have returned home and been happy for her father and eventually for herself. The Widow Westwood was not a bad woman and life with her new brothers might have been quite fulfilling, but not with this aching hole that had opened up in her heart.
Sitting up, she pushed back her covers along with her self-pity. There was no use thinking on things she could not change. Her stomach grumbled but she ignored it, instead venturing to the pitcher near the washbasin for a drink. The cool water slid down her parched throat, easing some of her discomfort.
Just like the water had washed away the dryness, she would dispel her tender feelings for Carswell. All she needed was some time and distance… and perhaps a tinsmith to fix the gaping hole in the armor that he’d crept through.
A sad smile accompanied the thought. She could do this. She’d return home with her father and be the best aunt ever to her sister’s future children.
Convictions firmly in place, she crawled back into bed to wait out the long night. With any luck her father would be ready to leave first thing in the morning.
There had been a plentiful amount of luck, and all of it bad. Beth’s head hurt terribly from a bad night's sleep and lack of food. The cook had to send someone for more headache powders because they were out. And her father and uncle were locked away in the study arguing over marriage contracts.
Odd that her father would give her uncle any say in Julianna’s settlement.
Moving away from the door, Beth decided it best she wait until they finished before she inquired when they would depart. She had already given the maid instructions to pack her trunk in order to be ready the moment her father gave the word, but what could she occupy her time with until then?
The pain in her head was too great to withstand the noise of the piano, and her mind too sluggish for conversation. She supposed the only thing left was to find a book and a quiet corner. However, at the library door she was again met with voices.
“Do you mean it, Julianna?” Mr. Kaye’s voice was breathy and intense. “You are not simply trying to pacify me until you find someone better and break things off?”
Break things off? Why would Julianna wish to do such a thing?
“I am in earnest. Even though our courtship started on a whim, my feelings for you cannot be denied. I want our engagement to be real, I want to be your wife, Daniel.”
