Page 70 of Lost in Love
“He needs a care home, Anna! Why do you refuse to see it?”
“I can’t just leave him to fester in a care home.”
“You’ll happily let him fester at your home.”
Anna turned her head to look at Katherine. “Excuse me?”
“It’s not healthy him being trapped in that house. Open the door and let him out before you suffocate him.”
Anna couldn’t believe the words that had just come from Katherine’s mouth. Even if someone thought that, it really shouldn’t be spoken.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, but stop letting one bad incident dictate everything. Your mum died, it was horrible, but don’t you think you’re projecting that experience onto the care home? It was where she died, not the reason she died. I didn’t stop driving a car because my wife and child were crushed to death in one. What would be so bad about letting your dad have some company, a laugh with some new friends, professional care?”
Anna didn’t want to answer that; she could sense the scary Dr Katherine emerging, the one that could make you feel small and pathetic. She’d never seen Katherine lose it before, but she was beginning to think she might be witnessing it.
Katherine laughed, and Anna shot her a look.
“You’re frightened, aren’t you? That once he’s in a home you’ll have nothing and no one will need you. You’ll have left your life in London behind for nothing. So what if you lose his house? You’ll find somewhere to live, and as for the memories of your mother, they’re not in the house. Voices don’t live in walls; they live in here.” Katherine tapped the side of her head. When Anna said nothing, she seemed to grow disgusted by her passenger. “Christ. I never pegged you as selfish, Anna.”
Anna gawped and was about to muster a response when Katherine fired up again.
“You are barely keeping yourself together. How on earth are you going to nurse someone? Nursing and caring are very different things, Anna. Sometimes our best can never be enough; that’s why we must understand our limitations and let go of the things we can’t control. There are people out there whose best is good enough because they’ve undertaken extensive training. It’s time to let them do their job.”
“I’m fine,” Anna slipped in lamely as soon as Katherine drew a breath.
“What about your panic attack on the way to the hospital? The paramedic needed to be focused on your dad, but there you were breathing into a paper bag.”
Anna made a mental note that the next-door neighbour was a gossip.
“Take last night as a warning and be brave. Let him go.”
Silence and tension filled the car until Katherine pulled up on the drive of Abbey House, the familiar gravel sound crunching under the tyres.
“I’m glad to know your feelings, Katherine. I think I’ll go it alone from now on.” Anna unclipped her seat belt. “I’ll get a taxi to the hospital in future, but thank you for being there the last few days. I wouldn’t want to compromise your career further.”
Katherine wrung her hands on the steering wheel of her parked car. “That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think, just because we disagree?”
Anna decided to speak plainly; after all, Katherine had done so. “I don’t think it’s dramatic at all. If you’re not with me, you’re against me. I don’t need that kind of negativity. I don’t need another dishonest doctor in my life.”
Katherine glared at her. “You know why I lied.”
Anna climbed out of the car and leaned back in. “It doesn’t stop me from being angry and disappointed. If you had just spoken to me instead of trying to control everythingyourself, because you think you know what is best, it wouldn’t have come to this. I thought doctors were supposed to listen. What hurts the most is you were willing to give us up without a fight. I know you think it was admirable, but really it was just shitty.”
She slammed the door shut as she exited the car, glad to have had the last word.
