Page 32 of Lost in Love
“I did just take the longest shower known to mankind. Why are you even on the roster when you’re also a carer? Surely they wouldn’t ask a single mother to be on call?”
“Probably not, but then Dad’s not a child.”
“No, but he is a vulnerable adult and therefore a dependant. I suppose you’re still expected in work first thing.”
Anna shrugged. “I can’t rock the boat, especially when I’ve only just got a seat in it.”
Katherine felt angry on Anna’s behalf. It seemed to her like the trustees were taking advantage.
“If you are getting paid more, wouldn’t it be worth looking again at getting some care in?”
Anna chuckled grimly. “No raise would be enough to allow me to pay for care.”
“I don’t believe you,” Katherine remarked, irritation breaking through her voice despite her best efforts. “You said it yourself, you’re a control freak. You won’t allow yourself to trust anyone else; then if anything goes wrong, you only have yourself to blame.”
“That’s easier than having to blame others, isn’t it?” Anna questioned.
“No, Anna, it isn’t! It’s hell!” She fought to keep her voice down. “I know you think I could never understand your situation, but I’ve been where you are. I’ve had people telling me to slow down. I ignored them, just like you are, and I’ve dealt with the fallout. I must face myself in the mirror every morning knowing I could have done something and I didn’t. It eats you up inside.” Tears rolled down Katherine’s face. “I’m sorry.” She sniffed.
“It’s okay.” Anna rubbed her arm. “There are tissues out there. Go and sit. I’ll bring these chocolates through.”
Katherine nodded and went through to the sitting room. She quickly tried to compose herself and wiped her face with some tissues. A stirring sound came from the kitchen. She stuffed the tissues in her pocket. Anna had opened her home to her, her father, and her heart; perhaps it was time to let her in a little. Especially if it would help Anna see reason.
Anna entered and placed two mugs on the table before sitting beside her on the sofa. She shuffled herself around until she sat sideways and faced Katherine.
“What was her name?” Anna asked softly.
Katherine took a deep breath and looked down.
“Helena,” she paused, realising it had been some time since she’d said her name aloud to anyone.
She felt the soft touch of Anna’s hand on hers; it gave her courage to continue. She took another deep breath, determined to fight back the tears so she could speak properly.
“We’d been together about eight years; she was younger than me, and we were both getting on a bit. I was already working ridiculous hours, trying to provide for her. I wanted her to have the best of everything; she deserved it.” Katherine felt herself rambling and paused.
Anna squeezed her hand and rubbed the back of it soothingly with her thumb. “It’s okay. Take your time.”
“She wanted a baby, we… we wanted a baby. I worked every hour I could get; the stress I put myself under was phenomenal. I refused to listen to anyone when they told me to slow down. IVF is expensive; a baby is expensive.”
Katherine could feel her jaw and throat tensing. She inhaled deeply to try and relax them.
She raised her head and looked at Anna. “Well, I had a heart attack.”
Anna’s grip on her hand suddenly tightened. “Shit.”
“Luckily, I was in the right place at the time. I was working in the urgent treatment centre at the hospital. Helena wasn’t so lucky. They called her, and she came straight to the hospital, but she never made it.”
Anna covered her mouth with her free hand. Katherine could feel her tensing through the other.
“Her car was struck by a drunk driver a mile from the hospital. She was killed instantly. She had been eight weeks pregnant.”
Anna froze.
Katherine grabbed another tissue from the box and looked at Anna’s face. Tears were rolling from her eyes too. Katherine passed her the tissue and took another for herself. “You okay?”
Anna blinked and wiped her eyes. “Am I okay? Shit. You’ve been carrying that around inside you all this time, and you ask if I’m okay. Can I hug you?”
Katherine nodded. She didn’t just need a hug; she needed a hug from Anna.
