Page 39 of Forgive Not Forget
Her mind raced with thoughts about what the letter could mean, yet she found herself unable to open it and find out. Once opened, there was no going back. The bubbles fizzed in the glass beside her. She needed something more. Extracting the whisky from the drinks cupboard, she half filled a glass and downed that. She could feel the liquor’s warmth loosening her body and refilled the glass with her shaky hand.
CHAPTER15
Aloud knocking stirred Katherine from the sofa where she lay. It took a moment for her to come around fully. She hadn’t been sleeping so much as dozing amongst her thoughts. Lightheaded from the whisky, she toddled to the front door and opened it.
“Bloody hell, Kat. What happened to you?” Rebecca remarked, concern filling her face as she fully took in the state of her friend.
Katherine examined herself in the hall mirror whilst Rebecca entered and set her suitcase down.
Her reflection was somewhat of a shock. Her mascara had smudged, her usually perfect hair was flat on one side from where she’d lain on the sofa, and her puffy eyes stared back at her in bewilderment. She ran her fingers through her hair, but there was little she could do to fix her face without a wash or a make-up wipe, and the only thing she wanted now was another drink.
“Kat, what the hell is going on? Why do you look like you’ve just been dragged through a hedge backwards?”
“I need a whisky. Want one?” Katherine picked up her glass from the sitting room table as she made her way through to the kitchen with Rebecca close at her heel.
“I knew today was going to be difficult for you. I wasn’t expecting you to look like this, though. Talk to me.”
Katherine reached for the letter marked HMP and pushed it across the island at Rebecca. She turned her attention to refilling her whisky glass and gulped it down, grateful for the burn in the back of her throat as it gave her a moment of distraction. She watched as Rebecca examined the envelope.
“You haven’t opened it,” Rebecca said, her tone softer than before.
Katherine shook her head and took another sip of whisky, her hand shaking as she raised it to her mouth. There would be no avoiding the envelope with Rebecca involved; it would have to be opened.
Rebecca took the glass from Katherine and placed it down before wrapping her arms around her. “Shall we at least see what it says before we go into full meltdown?”
Katherine nodded as her body relaxed against her oldest friend. “You open it.”
“Where’s Anna?”
“At work.”
Rebecca pulled back from the hug. “Why isn’t she here? You shouldn’t be alone. I would have come earlier if she wasn’t going to look after you.” Rebecca paused and glared at Katherine. “You have told her it’s the anniversary today? Kat?”
“I assume she forgot, and that worked for me. I just wanted it to pass like any other day. Then I’d know it was getting easier, that I was getting over it.”
“Words fail me, Kat.”
“Every year at this time, I feel myself slipping, and then I spend the following weeks, months even, trying to claw my way back to normal again. I just wanted this year to be different, to be easier.”
“You could at least pause and remember. Share a moment of quiet reflection with the woman you love for a woman you once loved.”
“I need to move on, and Anna would have only made a fuss. I was sailing through, you know, until that bloody letter arrived.”
Rebecca’s eyes bored into her as her hands tore into the letter. Katherine felt a reprieve as Rebecca finally turned to the contents of the letter. She braced herself as she sat, her hand clutching at her glass.
Rebecca took the seat beside her and closed the letter. A nod told Katherine everything she needed to know.
“I’m not going,” she said.
Rebecca’s eyebrows shot up. “Seriously? You’re not even going to ruminate on it?”
“Why should I go and listen to them tell me how hard their life has been since they killed my wife and baby? Why should I go to help make them feel better?” Katherine snapped back as she grabbed a handful of tissues from the box beside her to quell the flow of tears.
“I asked you to consider restorative justice at the time, if you remember.” Rebecca replied firmly. “I understood it was too difficult for you then, but you promised me you would think about it in the future. It’s supposed to help both parties heal. It’s not just about making them feel better, but yourself too.”
“I only told you that to shut you up. I never had any intention of doing it,” Katherine scoffed.
She hadn’t wished to lie to Rebecca at the time, but it had been the only way to get her off her back about it. Right now, she needed her best friend’s support, not an argument. She needed her to understand why she was refusing to meet with the person who had killed Helena and the baby.
