Page 40 of Forgive Not Forget
“Anna wants children.” Katherine’s voice felt like gravel in her throat.
“What the f…” Rebecca stopped herself and huffed.
Katherine realised how naive she’d been for believing she could make a fair decision about children based on her current situation, when her past was her present and her future. It was all-consuming; there was no escaping it. She couldn’t go through it all again.
“I can’t do it. I can’t give her what she wants because of what he did to me in the past. Every step with Anna would be a reminder of the same steps I took with Helena. This time I wouldn’t feel the same excitement I’d felt the first time. I’d be dreading every moment, knowing they should have been moments I shared with Helena, and that’s not fair to Anna. I have to hope she can accept a future with just me in it.”
“Anna should have realised you wouldn’t want children. It’s a little heartless of her to have brought it up.”
“No, it’s not.” Katherine shook her head. “It’s reasonable for her to ask what her future looks like, and it’s ridiculous she has to ask. Why have we not discussed it before? Has she been afraid all this time to raise the subject? She said she wanted them when she was younger, but then let go of the idea. At least she was brave enough to raise it before we got married.”
“You don’t think the restorative justice scheme would help you with this — or help you in any other way?”
Although Rebecca’s voice remained calm and firm, Katherine could sense the disappointment within it. She tried not to care. She wasn’t going to allow herself to be bullied into this so-called solution.
“I’m trying to move forward with my life. I have been moving forward. I can’t and won’t go back.”
“This is an opportunity to help you move forward, Kat,” Rebecca pleaded.
“No, it’s a way to drag it all back up. I don’t care what they have to say, and I have nothing to say to them. I owe it to Anna to properly put the past behind me. It’s already affected her life too much.”
“I think you owe it to Helena to go and hear out the person that killed her.” The calmness in Rebecca’s voice was beginning to edge away; the firmness very much remained.
It took a moment for Katherine to respond.
“I don’t want to fight with you, especially not when you’ve only just arrived. I’m not feeling myself at the moment, and this hasn’t helped. First the building hold-up, then Harry, now this. I feel like my head will explode.” Her heart pounded even harder in her chest from saying it out loud.
“Why don’t you see a doctor?”
“I am a doctor. I’m fine. It’s just… why did it have to arrive today?”
“I guess they are thinking about it too.”
“I don’t want to share my memories with them. They’re mine. That just makes it worse.” Noticing her glass was empty again, Katherine refilled it, only to empty it again.
“You’re clearly stretched thin, Kat. This is exactly why you were supposed to be keeping low hours: to give yourself enough downtime to process things when it gets too much.”
“Well, this can go in the bin for starters… one less thing to deal with.” Katherine placed her hand over the letter on the work surface and scrunched it into her palm.
Rebecca stared in disbelief as Katherine dropped it into the bin. “Seriously? That’s it.”
“Yes,” Katherine replied. She felt lighter already.
Rebecca reached into the bin. “I’m showing it to Anna, even if you’re not.”
Katherine intercepted Rebecca as she withdrew the letter. “No, you’re not. She doesn’t need to deal with any more of my baggage. Leave it.”
Rebecca managed to keep a grip on the letter.
Katherine danced around her, determined to get it back.
“What on earth is going on?” Anna’s voice filled the kitchen, rooting Katherine and Rebecca to their spots.
CHAPTER16
Silence fell as Anna entered the kitchen and read the room. It was unnerving. She’d never heard so much as a cross word between the two of them before.
“Why are you arguing over a piece of paper?” She approached them as they hovered over the bin. Her heart quickened in her chest at their continued silence. “Will one of you tell me what’s going on?”
