Page 52 of Forgive Not Forget
CHAPTER21
Anna played with the end of her pen, unable to focus on her work. She clicked the nib in and out as she stared at the office wall. The atmosphere at Abbey House had changed since Katherine’s revelation that she didn’t want to set a date just yet, or at all, which was what Anna was reading from the situation. Work had kept them occupied all week, but the situation was now beginning to stress her out.
Her Apple Watch had confirmed her heart rate was up, causing her to reach for her trusty beta blockers to quell her shortness of breath, tight chest, and racing pulse. It was how she had discovered that some of her pills were missing from the box in her dressing table drawer. Katherine was a qualified doctor. Self-medicating was hardly an issue, but the fact that she had taken them without asking was a worry. That she needed them at all was of more concern.
The following day Anna was due to look after the children for the weekend at Laura’s cottage. She’d taken Friday and Monday off work to ensure she could take Laura to the hospital and collect her. Now she was worried about leaving Katherine, who would be picking up the slack at the abbey with Carrie whilst she wasn’t there.
She just didn’t know what to do for the best. Giving Katherine more time was one option, but time for what? Time would bring a restored abbey, perhaps a restored friendship with Rebecca, but Harry was only going to get worse. These weren’t the issue; the letter was — what it had brought with it, what it had opened in her at a time when she was already at breaking point.
Anna understood more than anyone that people came with pasts, and Katherine’s was one hell of a past. Experience had taught her that once they let their pasts dominate them, control them and the ones they loved, it was a downward spiral.
A glance at the clock on the office wall told her she had thirty minutes before her potential clients were due in for a tour of Abbey Barn. Enough time to reach out to the only person who could help her. She scrolled through her contacts until she found what she was looking for. Her phone only gave a single ring, as a panicked voice answered almost immediately.
“Anna?”
“Hi, Becks.”
“What’s happened? Is she okay?”
“What? Oh, no, she’s fine. Well, no, she’s not fine.”
“Anna!”
“Sorry. I don’t know why I’ve called you; I just didn’t know what else to do. I hope I haven’t called at an inconvenient time.”
“For the love of…” Rebecca huffed. “Anna, will you just tell me what’s happened?”
“Sorry,” Anna replied, sensing her vagueness was irritating Rebecca.
“You’ve said that.”
“Oh, sorry. Oh.”
Another exasperated huff came down the line.
“She’s not herself, Becks,” Anna said, finally finding her words. “She seemed fine initially… after the letter came.” Anna was about to say ‘after you left’, but didn’t want to draw attention to the way Rebecca had walked out of the situation. “Since then, she’s gradually withdrawn. She has no interest in planning our wedding, let alone setting a date. She’s been having nightmares; she doesn’t know I hear her at night. I gently wake her and she settles, but it’s been almost every night this week. She’s been taking my beta blockers and not told me. She’s missed Pilates for a few weeks. Her public face is fine, but I know her. Behind that she’s crumbling.”
“Okay, okay, I get it. Of course she’s not herself; what did you expect? She has the best public face in the world. Underneath she’s choux pastry held together with thirty-year-old Sellotape.”
“I’m sorry for not backing you up last week. She was upset, and I just wanted to support her.”
“It’s fine, I get it. I was in your shoes once. I’m grateful you called me. I’ve been worrying about her all week. It’s a good sign that she’s reducing her workload, and I’m sorry to call your wedding a workload, but at least she’s doing something proactive to help herself. It’s not good she’s feeling the need to do that, but you have to support her in that.”
Anna toyed with the handle of her desk draw for a moment. “What if she’s so consumed by the past that she can’t face a future with me? That’s what it’s starting to feel like. She won’t consider kids because of it. I think I’m losing her, Becks, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to her… I think she’ll end up pushing me away.” Tears were now flowing. She hadn’t phoned Becks intending to break down, it was the last thing she wanted, but the reality of everything was leading her to fear the worst.
“I understand more than anyone that you want to ease Kat’s pain, and the easiest answer is to brush it away and move on. She needs to face it head-on. This is what she was like after Helena died. She seemed to pull herself together a few months after. She hadn’t, though. It was merely a loose stitch with some incredibly old thread. It’s my fault, I know that now. She refused to get help, she convinced me she was getting over it, and then she broke. That’s when I put my foot down and forced her into a fresh start. If you want any hope of children — fuck, even a future — you need to persuade her to get the closure she needs. She has to go to the prison; I fear it’s all we have left.”
Anna nodded her agreement and then realised she was on the phone. “Okay.”
An exasperated growl came back down the line. “Sorry, I know none of this is your fault. I’m just angry at her for taking so much on.”
“It wasn’t her intention. Everything just been going wrong, what with the build and then the graffiti, then Dad… The letter was just too much.”
“What’s happened with Harry?”
“He’s been diagnosed with dementia.”
“On top of his Parkinson’s? I’m sorry to hear that.”
