Page 56 of Forgive Not Forget
“Would you have if you could have?”
“You mean if they hadn’t shot the bastard dead right after he shot Steve?” Laura shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I’d be brave enough. I can see how it might help. If I could give the son of a bitch a piece of my mind, that would have made me feel better, if temporarily. I’d like to ask why he did it, why he ripped a family apart. My counsellor said I shouldn’t spend the rest of my life searching for answers I was never going to get.”
“Counsellor. See, Kat’s never had one.”
“Really? For the kind of trauma she experienced. And after a heart attack too. They say doctors make the worse patients, but that’s taking it to the extreme.”
“Hmm. She’s also said she doesn’t want kids.”
Laura blew a big breath out. “Oh gosh, sorry. That’s a bit of a knock.”
“Yes. I just feel like sometimes we’re moving backwards, not forwards. She’s got too much on to plan the wedding, let alone set a very simple date. She said she didn’t want another deadline looming.”
Laura winced. “Ouch.”
“Yeah,” Anna exhaled with some gusto. It was good to get it off her chest.
“Grieving can make us very selfish people. We can’t cope with the things we can’t cope with, and we don’t often know what it isn’t we can’t cope with until we aren’t coping with it. And it can happen at any time, even years later.”
“I get that; I’ve lost someone too. When it’s affecting your ability to cope in the present day and there could be a solution to help you, shouldn’t you take it?”
“Who can say? We’re all different, and we all grieve differently. We just have to hope that with the love and support around us we can get through it as we see fit.”
That made Anna gulp. Had she been as supportive with Katherine as she could have been? Shouldn’t she be pushing Katherine towards a counsellor rather than a face-to-face meeting with her wife’s killer?
“Don’t worry,” Laura said. “You just have to keep talking. I’m sure you’ll work it out. You love each other, and that’s what matters.”
“We’re pretty shit at talking actually. We’re in that stage of our relationship, you know, where you sort of tiptoe around issues because you don’t want to cause an argument. Then things don’t get said, and then they build into bigger things, and then, before you know it, she’s saying we need some space.” Anna stopped and caught her breath.
Laura reached out and placed a hand on her leg. “Start talking and don’t stop. That’s my advice. And my spare room is yours as long as you need it.”
“Thanks,” Anna replied. She hoped she wouldn’t. The thought of being away from Katherine for any longer than the three nights she’d agreed to was heart-wrenching.
They arrived at the hospital a lot quicker than Anna had realised; she barely remembered the journey. It was always a strange feeling arriving somewhere yet not remembering how, more scary than strange. She was relieved her autopilot had delivered them safely.
Laura insisted that she was fine to be dropped outside the main entrance. She’d keep in touch and be available by phone when she was able to be, and she’d tell the hospital to keep Anna updated.
Once Laura had gone through the automatic doors, Anna found she couldn’t face going back to Nunswick just yet. Although her friend had stocked the fridge, she wanted to pick up a few extra supplies for the children, so she headed off to the nearby supermarket.
* * *
Anna waved at Abigail as the bus pulled up beside her. She spotted Tom two rows back, but he immediately looked away as if he were going to die of embarrassment. He proceeded to keep ten paces ahead of her and Abigail as they walked back to the cottage. Tom had already let himself in by the time they reached it and had disappeared, she assumed by the thud of bass coming from the upper floor, into his room.
“Have you heard if Mum’s okay?” Abigail asked as she passed her pink jacket to Anna to put on the peg.
“Not yet. They’ll ring soon,” Anna replied with a reassuring smile. She had hoped they would have rung before the children returned so she could put their minds at rest. When Katherine had explained to her what Laura was going to go through, she suggested it would only take a couple of hours to complete the procedure, and then Laura would need time to come round from the anaesthesia. It was too soon to start worrying.
Abigail was insistent that she wanted to complete her homework, so Anna prepared her a snack and watched over her as she worked away at the dining table. The girl reminded her of herself in so many ways. Her mum had always instilled in her the ethic of work first, play later, so she, too, would get her homework done as soon as she got home from school. She hated having things hanging over her, as they were now. Being at odds with Katherine made her feel misaligned. Every time her mind had a moment to stop, it would turn to her and consume her. She was going to need to keep busy this weekend.
Tom appeared within half an hour, in search of food, just as Anna’s phone rang on the dining table. Everyone looked at it.
Anna scooped it up. “I’ll take it in the garden.”
Two sullen faces and pairs of eyes stared at her through the patio door as the nurse explained that everything had gone as expected and Laura was doing very well. She gave a thumbs-up at them to put their minds at rest.
Abigail wrapped her arms around Anna’s waist as she stepped back into the kitchen. “Mum’s okay?”
“She’s all good. The operation went well, and now she’s resting,” Anna replied, giving her a little squeeze.
