Page 82 of Forgive Not Forget
Katherine gasped in a lung full of air and clutched her stomach. She covered her mouth with her hand, and the tears coursed down her face. A coolness swept over her trembling body, and her throat tightened, restricting her ability to draw in another breath. She had to get out of the room. She stood and was instantly swept up by Sheila as she crumpled under the weight of his words. Sheila guided Katherine as she staggered towards the door.
“It’s too much, it’s too much,” she choked the words out as Sheila led her through to the room next door.
“It’s all right, let it all out,” Sheila said, passing her a handful of tissues. “Sit down.”
Katherine took some shallow breaths to try and calm herself, mopping her face with the tissues.
“I… was… her… Kat,” Katherine said between sniffs and breaths.
“I thought as much,” Sheila replied, passing her a bin for her wet tissues and handing her clean ones.
“I can’t go back in there. I can’t,” Katherine said between gasps.
“Breathe, Katherine. Take a moment, and then when you’re calmer, we’ll talk, okay?”
Katherine nodded and blew her nose.
“I’ll be back in one second. Don’t go anywhere.”
Sheila dashed from the room.
Katherine sat back in the rigid plastic chair, slowly inhaling and exhaling. Why on earth had she come? This wasn’t helping; it was making everything harder. To know that the last word on Helena’s lips was her name tore her apart. She must have been so scared. All alone, with just her killer staring at her through the window.
Sheila returned with a bottle of water and opened it before passing it to Katherine.
“Thank you.” Katherine sipped at the water. Her throat was tight and achy from crying, making it difficult to drink.
Sheila pulled a chair up in front of her and sat. “I won’t pretend this is easy, Katherine, but it’s a process. You’ve heard the hard parts. I know it hurts, trust me, but next comes the healing. Katherine, look at me.”
Katherine looked up and met Sheila’s intense gaze.
“Trust me. This is my job; I know how this works. You’re not the first person to sit there saying you can’t go back in, and you won’t be the last. If you walk out now, and I’m not going to stop you, you will only ever wonder what might have happened if you’d just pushed yourself that bit more and walked back into that room. You need to see this through; you owe it to yourself and those who care about you.”
Her thoughts turned to Anna and Rebecca; they wouldn’t let her leave. She had come this far, and already she had learned something, something heartbreaking yet important. What else didn’t she know? What else could she learn from staying?
She dabbed her eyes, wiped her nose, and inhaled a deep breath. “Okay. I can do this.”
“Of course you can,” Sheila said, patting her hand. “If you need to leave again, then do. I’ll be right behind you.”
Sheila stood, yet Katherine remained seated. She needed a question answered before she could go back in.
“Why isn’t he wearing any handcuffs?”
Sheila sat back down.
“He’s not a threat, Katherine. We have no need to restrain him. He made a mistake, and he’s paying the price of that every day by being held in here. He has a clean prison record and appears to be a model prisoner. He’s retraining. He’s already completed a degree whilst he’s been here and is starting a master’s degree shortly in psychology. He wants to help others. Not all prisoners are bad people; sometimes they are good people who just made a mistake.”
As much as she wanted to refute it — Helena’s death wasn’t just a mistake to her — she understood what Sheila was saying. She had mixed feelings about Jeremy’s achievements. Was it good that he was doing something worthwhile with his time in prison, or did it make it worse? Would she have preferred to see him in chains, beaten up from ill treatment by his fellow inmates, addicted to drugs and suicidal? She didn’t think so, although temporarily it may have brought her some satisfaction. What punishment was enough punishment for someone who’d killed her family? She didn’t know the answer.
“Ready?” Sheila asked.
Katherine stood. “As I’ll ever be.”
CHAPTER32
Jeremy and the guard were sitting in silence when they returned to the room. Jeremy bit his bottom lip and lowered his head as Katherine retook her seat.
“Now, Katherine, you wanted to know how this has affected Jeremy, so perhaps that would be a good place to restart.”
