Page 86 of Broken Beyond Repair
What had it all been for?
Her ambition had always been to do what she could do to the best of her abilities, yet had she ever stopped to question what that resembled? What was her end goal, the destination she’d been aiming for all those years ago — to be rich and famous? Where had that got her? She had one friend; two if you counted Sydney. She had a broken marriage that she should never have gone into and a child that resented her for her achievements because ultimately it had cost him the most.
Beatrice reached across for a sausage roll at the same time as Sydney. As soon as their hands touched, their eyes locked.
“Your wrinkles only add to your beauty, Beatrice.”
A warming in her cheeks made her withdraw her hand.
“Wow, do you find touching me that difficult?” Sydney asked, her forehead creasing.
Beatrice stuttered. It was instinctive; she hadn’t even thought about how Sydney would take it.
“Has our time together been that regrettable?” Sydney continued.
She knew what Sydney was getting at. She wasn’t talking about their whole time together, just that brief, intimate moment they’d shared.
“I don’t regret it. That doesn’t mean I can embrace it either. My image… my brand, they are everything, and I don’t believe either can withstand me coming out.” She gulped at her wine, which was beginning to warm in the sun. “Plus…” Beatrice’s customary hard-eyed expression softened. “I can’t be anything to you because I don’t even know who I am. I know what I’ve become, and I’m sure that’s not me.”
“I’m sure too. Be yourself, not a fake version of it to make everyone else comfortable.”
“Easier said than done. Anyway, you have Gertie. I’m not sure there is room for any other woman.” Seeing an opportunity to change the subject, Beatrice added, “Speaking of which, I’m giving you credit as a writer on my book. I’ll retain one hundred percent copyright, and you’ll have a share of the royalties. The rest is going in trust to Alex, to make sure Peter doesn’t get his hands on any of it. I discussed it with Alison after the photoshoot, and she sent through a new contract for me to approve this morning. It’s only fair. The book wouldn’t be what it is had it not been for you. It will be enough to keep Gertie well lubricated for you, whatever the two of you choose to do next.”
“Seriously? Thank you,” Sydney said, wrapping her arms around Beatrice and squeezing her. “It will all go to my mum,” Sydney replied, releasing her. “She doesn’t have much.”
Did this woman’s generosity know no bounds? She could build long-lasting friendships with people she worked for, befriend their children, and have a group of friends singing her praises. More importantly, she was genuinely happy. How did one even begin to achieve that? Yet something was off.
She watched as Sydney scanned the groups of people coming and going from the footpaths to their cars. She’d been doing it since they’d arrived.
“Tell me something. That story I read about the young woman losing her father overboard. It was you, wasn’t it?”
Sydney nodded. “Skye is my middle name. When did you realise?”
“Only recently, embarrassingly.” Beatrice bit in her bottom lip before continuing. “You speak about your mother whereas your father barely gets a mention. I got the impression your father had died when you went a little crazy at my lack of interest in my father’s death. When we’re out, you’re always scanning for something, like you are now. I thought you were watching my back when actually you were looking for someone — your dad.” When Sydney didn’t contradict her, Beatrice softened a bit. “You’ll surely drive yourself crazy if you don’t stop looking. He’s gone. He doesn’t have to be dead to be gone. Mine was gone a long time before he died.”
“I know… I do know. I just don’t want to believe he has. I’ve always kept moving, always searching in the hope one day I might see him, and I could bring him home to Mum. The police assumed he was dead.” Sydney picked at her fingernails. “We couldn’t accept that, not without a body. We waited the time that they said it would take for a body to wash up in various places with the current — he never did. So, I promised Mum I’d find him, and began searching. James and Rosie saw I was becoming obsessive and held an intervention. James gave me work to distract me; I kept searching. As the years passed, Rosie suggested I channel it into writing, so I wrote that book.”
“And wrote the ending into something nicer.”
Sydney nodded. “A happy ending I’ll never have. Although, even if he was to turn up one day with amnesia, it would be bittersweet.” She let out an unexpected laugh. “It’s funny. You’ve been hiding from something that can’t be hidden, and I’ve been searching for something that can’t be found.”
“We’re a proper game of hide-and-seek.” Beatrice laughed.
“Except you’re not a fan of games.”
“I don’t like games that remind me of my father. You’ll have noticed I’m working on that.”
Beatrice appreciated the flash of a smile from Sydney that acknowledged her effort.
“I have an odd request,” Sydney said then. “Say no if you like. I don’t have a photo of us together, and I’d like one. If you’re okay with that?”
“Do you intend to sell it to the newspaper and tell the tale of your quick fumble with a closeted actress?” Beatrice asked with a smile twitching at her lips.
Sydney clearly regarded her comment with scorn as her own lips twisted.
“I was thinking more along the lines of remembering our time together.”
Beatrice took out her phone by way of assent and held it in front of them as she tucked her face against Sydney’s. With a quick turn of her head, she planted a kiss on Sydney’s cheek. A parting kiss. Something for them both to remember.
