Page 63 of Beyond Her Manner
“Can I ask how she died?” Gillian asked cautiously.
“An aneurysm. She was all alone in my penthouse at the time.” Viola gazed into the distance and repeated softly. “All alone.”
Gillian found her hand reaching forward and resting on Viola’s. She was about to withdraw it, then forced herself not to. She could offer some sympathy without it meaning anything.
“They said she didn’t stand a chance, even if I had been there. Nothing could have saved her; it was a ticking time bomb.”
Viola’s gaze drifted to the window as Gillian’s thumb unconsciously stroked her hand.
“Can I ask something else?” Gillian said, breaking the silence.
“Full of questions today, aren’t we?” Viola replied, returning her attention with a tone laced with teasing amusement.
Gillian narrowed her eyes slightly, a hint of a smirk playing on her lips as she tilted her head. “Just curious.”
“Go on,” Viola encouraged.
“I was going to ask how your parents took you being a…”
“A lesbian?” Viola finished for her, an eyebrow raised.
“Yes.” Gillian hadn’t quite been able to get the word out herself.
“Initially it was quite a shock as they read about it in the newspaper.”
Gillian’s face dropped in horror. “Oh.”
“I guess you missed that.”
“I’m not one for newspapers. Jonathon always read them. I made good use of them in the cat’s litter tray.”
“That’s definitely where they belong.” Viola laughed. “My dad was too drunk to care about anything, and my mum was shocked, more so that I hadn’t confided in her.”
“How did your coming out make it to the newspaper?”
“I didn’t come out. I was forced out.”
Realising her hand was still on Viola’s, Gillian patted it and withdrew it. “I’m sorry.”
“My girlfriend at the time…” Viola stopped as if trying to find the right word. “Let’s just say I don’t think we were a good match, and as with these things, you don’t find out until it’s too late. She wanted more from our relationship and thought she was owed some status from being my girlfriend, without a thought of how it would affect me. This was a long time ago; the world was a different place, yet… I still don’t think we have progressed that much.”
Gillian hummed her agreement as Viola continued.
“I refused to come out. I didn’t want my sexuality to become the focus of my career. I’m a singer who happens to be a lesbian, not a lesbian singer. She decided I needed a bit of a push and leaked it to the media. She arranged for photographers to be outside a restaurant she took me to on our first anniversary, then kissed me in full sight of them.”
Gillian grimaced.
“She denied all knowledge of setting it up,” Viola continued. “I later found out through another friend that it was her, and I ended it.”
“Couldn’t you deny it, claim it was a platonic kiss?”
“I wasn’t going to lie; I wasn’t ashamed of who I was. I just didn’t trust others to be able to see past it. I was right, and my career took a knock for a few years. I worked hard, put all myenergy into it, and it became less of an issue eventually. Old news, you might say.”
“I can see why you’ve avoided relationships. It must be hard to trust again after that.”
“It is hard to get past that kind of betrayal. That’s when I began a relationship with alcohol instead. It was easier than with people; at least you knew where you were with it. Looking back, it would’ve been easier to avoid both, but with alcohol, you knew what it cost you; you knew how you would feel the morning after. Everything was quantifiable.”
Gillian nodded. It made perfect sense.
