Page 64 of Beyond Her Manner
“Whilst we’re asking questions,” Viola said, leaning back as the waiter placed their plates down, “what got you into horse riding?”
“My mother’s insistence. I was quite resistant to begin with.”
“Why?”
Gillian took a deep breath as she put her napkin on her lap. It felt silly to admit it now. With Viola’s eyes fixed and demanding, she answered truthfully. “I was scared of them.”
“Really?” Viola said with a hint of surprise.
“Yes, really,” Gillian echoed back.
“Sorry, it just seems odd when you are such a natural with Dudley. What made you overcome your fear?”
“Hen. I saw her passion for them. She trusted them, and I trusted her.”
Viola smiled. “Why was your mum keen for you to learn to ride?”
Gillian hesitated as she stabbed a new potato with her fork. Was she about to reveal her whole past, to Viola? She knew she was in safe hands. The most she was likely to receive from her was some light teasing, which she secretly found enjoyable. “You must have heard the term ‘Fake it until you make it’.”
“Of course. I was guilty of a bit of that in my early career.”
“My mother lived by that… with good reason. Not that I appreciated it at the time. My current position has forced me to become humble in some respects, and I can see she was trying to do her best.”
“What were you faking exactly?”
A reassuring smile from across the table encouraged Gillian on.
“Our position in society. My father was a successful man, and we were comfortable by the day’s standard. He was an accountant— until he went through a breakdown. I would say he recovered, but he was never the same again. He couldn’t work as an accountant anymore; he struggled with any work, to be honest. He managed to get a job working for the council as a bin man; it worked for him. I remember him telling me he found peace in the simplicity of a physical task. The fact it would knock him out at the end of a shift no doubt helped.”
Viola’s eyebrows lifted as she took a sip from her glass. “Oh.”
“I didn’t even care that I got teased at school for it. I was happy that he’d found some peace. My mother, on the other hand, wasn’t someone to disappoint, and being married to a bin man wasn’t what she had planned. If that wasn’t embarrassing enough for my mother, one day he up and left. She was mortified — not that he left, more so about what the neighbours would think.”
Viola nodded. “Being a single mum in those days wasn’t the done thing.”
“Exactly. For a while, she claimed he’d got a job working away. When he never returned to visit, it became harder to keep up with the lies. People notice things, and they gossip. We moved to an area where people didn’t know us, and she claimed she was a widow. There was a whole new set of people for her to impress.”
“Did that help?”
“Moving didn’t stop us being poor. That’s something that follows you everywhere. Even into your bed when you’re freezing because you can’t afford heating. I was entitled to free school dinners at school, but my mother was too embarrassed to allow it. She didn’t want the other children telling their parents we were poor. I got a lunchbox with barely enough to feed a pigeon. She would rather her child went hungry than lose face.”
“God. I’m sorry, Gillian.”
“It didn’t help that she would buy things we didn’t need, with money we didn’t have, to impress people she didn’t even like.”
“Is this how you met Hen?”
Gillian nodded, swallowing her mouthful before answering. “Riding lessons were her attempt to mix me with what she called ‘the right sort of person’. Hen’s parents owned the riding school.”
“Ah, yes, you mentioned that before. You didn’t meet her at school then?”
“No. Hen was a day student at a nearby private school. No matter how much my mother wanted to pretend, she couldn’t afford private school fees. She would tell people she wanted me to have a more natural upbringing and to learn to socialise with people from all walks of life. She supported our friendship, urging me to spend time with Hen’s family and join them for weekend events when I was invited. She hoped Hen would ‘rub off’ on me.”
Viola smirked and then covered her mouth. “Oh, sorry, Gillian.”
A smile edged onto Gillian’s lips as she realised what she’d said. “You know how that ended and how mortified she was when she found out about us. She believed she had caused it by pushing me towards Hen in the first place.”
“I don’t think it works like that. It’s not the common cold.”
