Page 28 of Beyond Her Manner
Viola looked at her and smiled. “Yes, we do… and she did when he was hit by a bus, having walked in front of one in a drunken stupor. She came to the hospital to support me. It was a little too late; he never regained consciousness. Like I said, all I felt was relief that he had died. She could see it and realised how bad things were… how much she’d let me down.”
“What happened after that?” Gillian asked with curiosity in her eyes.
“I pushed her away and focused on work. It stayed that way for a long time. She would reach out to my agent occasionally to make contact. I continued to ignore her. In my early thirties, I got in with a bad crowd and ended up abusing alcohol myself.Like father, like daughter, I guess, although on a much different scale. I never fell as deep. You would have thought I would avoid it, yet in a way, I was drawn to it. I was in a downward spiral.” Viola shrugged. “I thought it held the answers, but all it did was affect my performances.”
Viola wasn’t sure why she was telling Gillian about her past. She’d spent a lifetime keeping things in, only sharing them with Caroline and her mum. A gut feeling reassured her that Gillian wasn’t the type of person who would broadcast something shared in a private moment. She struck her as the type of woman who kept a lot inside and cared deeply about what others thought.
“My agent at the time wasn’t happy and threatened to drop me if I didn’t pull myself together. He arranged — without my consent — a meeting with my mum. I thought I was meeting him for coffee, and instead, she was there. My mum’s husband had not long passed away, and she wasn’t in a great state herself. Over time, though, we became a strength for each other. I was something else for her to focus on, and she gradually sorted me out.”
Gillian scoffed. “I hope you dropped the agent.”
“I did. I have a great one now. Caroline is supportive. She encouraged me to come here and take some time out.”
“Not too long, I hope?”
“Is that a compliment of my work, or are you sick of me already?”
Gillian’s face dropped.
Viola nudged her playfully. “It’s okay. You don’t have to answer that.”
Hearing Gillian’s sigh of relief brought a smile to Viola as they sat in silence, taking in the serenity of the estate. The woman was a bit of an enigma. Viola realised she was enjoying her company — even if she wasn’t saying much, which wasa first. In their previous exchanges, Viola had been hissed at, growled at, and shouted at, but something about the bench — or the estate itself — seemed to disarm Gillian, maybe even soothe her.
“I’m sorry,” Gillian suddenly said. “All that can’t have been easy.”
“It wasn’t,” Viola replied, surprised to hear words of sympathy from her. “As you see, I survived.”
“I’m sorry about your mother too.”
“Thanks.”
“I didn’t grieve mine,” Gillian said so quietly that Viola wondered if she knew she’d spoken the words.
Viola hesitated to probe deeper. She was unsure how the woman would react, and part of her didn’t want Gillian to leave. Despite the curiosity burning inside her, she decided to change direction.
“Can I ask why you didn’t take this bench with you? I’m not saying you should have,” Viola added quickly, not wishing to get Gillian’s back up by being misunderstood. “I’m asking if you’ll share with me why. Is it the view?”
“It belongs here,” Gillian replied softly. “Like many things.”
“Like you?”
Gillian’s face twitched, making Viola wonder if she might have pushed her too far.
“You’re not just grieving a building, are you? You lost a lot more.”
“I’ve lost everything,” Gillian said, her voice carrying a hardened edge. It softened slightly as she continued, “It isn’t the first time, and I don’t expect it will be the last.”
Viola wondered if she was referring to Henrietta.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for your loss. Even if I’m partly responsible for it.”
Gillian stood, leaving Viola angry at herself for taking the conversation too far.
“Someone else would have bought it,” Gillian answered begrudgingly. “I can hardly hold you responsible. I’m… I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel like you are.”
Too surprised to respond to Gillian’s apology, Viola hesitated before asking, “Will you be back tomorrow?” careful not to sound accusatory.
“Will you be calling the police if I am?” Gillian asked, her words laced with a hint of defiance.
