Page 64 of Barging In
“For what it’s worth,” Clem added gently, “I don’t think you’d be alone for long.”
Victoria gave a tired, humourless smile as she met Clem’s gaze. “Don’t be ridiculous. Who’d want me?”
Clem wanted to shake her and hold her all at once. To tell hershewanted her. Heat rose in her chest, but she kept her voice steady.
“Someone who sees what I see. You’re smart, capable, not to mention beautiful. You’re single-handedly running a business, holding it together while it feels like it’s falling apart. That takes guts whether you believe it or not. You gave up a secure job to save the wharf. That’s brave.”
A fleeting smile tugged at the corner of Victoria’s mouth, only to vanish again.
“You deserve to be loved, Victoria,” Clem continued while she could. “Not tolerated. And not stuck in something because it’s convenient. There’s so much morewaiting for you than this. You should be with someone you can talk to about your ideas, your challenges; who’ll bat things back and forth with you and help you solve them. A person who will share a bottle of wine with you at the end of a long day.”
She saw Victoria’s eyes drift to the bottle of wine as her shoulders sagged.
“I’m not willing to risk it. It’s not perfect, but it works. The truth is... I stayed because I couldn’t bear what it would mean if I left. What it would say about me — that I didn’t try hard enough. ThatIwasn’t enough. That I was a failure.”
Clem swallowed the ache rising in her throat; it felt like it was about to throttle her. She wanted to reach out to Victoria, to cradle her, to tell her everything would be okay, but she couldn’t do it. She worried she’d pushed her too far already, and she didn’t trust herself not to kiss the woman if she had the chance. She was vulnerable, raw with feelings she wasn’t ready to face.
“I think you’ve spent so long keeping it together, you forgot you’re allowed to fall apart — to start again.”
Victoria didn’t answer. She stared at the ground, shoulders beginning to shake. Clem’s hand shot out to her leg, hoping to offer comfort as Victoria had done for her. She hadn’t meant to make her cry, only to jolt her a little and get her to take a hard look at her life. Clearly, she already was. It didn’t make it any easier to push that button and make the changes you knew you needed to make.
“I meant what I said, Victoria,” Clem said, rubbing her leg. “You are incredibly beautiful. Not that beauty matters most in the grand scheme of things, just that—” Clem stopped, realising she wasn’t saying what she was tryingto convey. “I mean, there’s so much more to you. You should remember that. And I see all of you.”
Victoria looked up and wiped her eyes. No smile came, but something in her features shifted, the guardedness finally relenting.
Before Clem could reply, heavy blobs of rain splattered onto the table.
“And now it rains! The perfect end to the evening,” Victoria said through a half laugh and tears.
Clem’s heart broke at her woebegone laughter. “Come inside. You can’t walk home in this. I’d give you a lift, but I’ve drunk way too much to steer — even at three miles per hour.”
Victoria was close at her heels and collapsed straight onto the bed. “You don’t mind, do you? I’m not sure I can stay upright any longer.”
“It’s fine. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll get us some tea.”
“Thanks.”
Returning five minutes later, Clem found Victoria curled up on one side of the bed, fast asleep. She looked picture perfect, which drew a smile to Clem’s lips. It seemed a shame to wake her and bundle her into a taxi.
Now Clem faced her only dilemma: climb into bed beside her or make up the other one. There was only one thing she wanted to do — but only one thing she could do. She threw a blanket over Victoria, turned the light out, and made her way back down the corridor.
CHAPTER 16
Victoria opened one eye, then the other, squinting against the bright sunlight. Where was she? Fragments of memory from the previous night flickered back, pulling her upright — Florence. She’d fallen asleep on Clem’s boat.
She checked her phone, but all she saw was her reflection in the dark glass. A faint clatter from the other end of the boat told her Clem must be busy in the galley. Scanning the bedroom for a mirror and finding nothing obvious, she noticed a line of books. Victoria examined them with interest, spottingThe Second Sexby Simone de Beauvoir,A Room of One’s Ownby Virginia Woolf,The Female Eunuchby Germaine Greer, andWantby Gillian Anderson. Knowing Clem read these kinds of books made her smile. Weren’t they the kind of books all women should read? A slight feeling of shame that she hadn’t caught her off guard.
Taking another look around the room, she saw her purse peeking out from under the blanket. Clem musthave covered her with it. Fishing out a compact, she did the best she could with what she had.
She spotted the chairs on the bow and recalled sitting there late into the evening. Clem had said something about being with someone you could enjoy a bottle of wine with at the end of the day. The words had stuck with her, much like Clem’s company had. She was so easy to talk to. Well, not always easy. Clem had a knack for drawing out things Victoria didn’t always mean to share. Things that were outright embarrassing, like how she didn’t own a single thing in this world. But perhaps that at least gave Clem some idea of what she was up against — how hard it was for her to walk away.
As she tried to recall what else they had discussed, she remembered Clem had called her beautiful. That had hit her square in the chest. It had been a long time since someone had said that to her. They had also spoken of love. Victoria denied needing it, but that was a lie. She wanted that kind of love more than anything, and when Clem mentioned it, she hadn’t thought of anyone else — just her and the way she made Victoria feel.
She wondered if Clem felt the same. She had caught Clem gazing in her direction enough times during the party, only to see her quickly look away. At any rate, Victoria had noticed, and it had made her feel wanted. Desired. Had she been doing the same to Clem? The thought caught in her chest. Jasper had certainly noticed her watching the other woman.
Their connection was undeniable — at least to her. It felt as though an invisible thread ran between them, weaving their lives together in ways Victoria hadn’t expected. Clem’s words echoed in her mind: I see all of you. What had she meant by that? And why had she gotten so angry over her situation? Victoria still wasn’tsure. Clem hadn’t explained, only pressed harder, asking why she wasn’t angry. But Victoria had long since buried that anger. Time had dulled it. At least she thought it had, though she gave it a second thought as she recalled the tears that had fallen from her eyes. It had been late, and it had been a long day, she reasoned. She'd been tired.
She rubbed her eyes, still tired. None of it mattered anyway. She was a married woman, and unlike Drew, their vows still meant something to her. She wasn’t like him — selfish, faithless. She had standards. Morals. Even if those morals sometimes felt like a cage of her own making.
