Page 88 of Barging In
Clem didn’t hesitate for more than a moment. “You must know why,” she whispered. “Every time I look at you, you must see.”
Her words sent a pleasant shiver through Victoria’s body, but her mind screamed in protest.
“It breaks my heart to see you unhappy,” Clem said, reaching for her hand.
“I’m not unhappy,” Victoria protested, pulling away before Clem could make contact. It was almost impossible to resist her, which was exactly why she shouldn’t encourage her.
“You aren’t happy. You can’t be. Not about him,” Clem said with a disbelieving shake of her head. “You’re stuck waiting, hoping for the fairy-tale life you wanted, but it’s gone, Victoria. It’s already crashed down around you. You’re sitting in the ashes, letting them choke you. You’retrying to hold together what’s already shattered, clutching broken glass that only cuts deeper the longer you cling to it. Like you said yourself, you could be moving forward to something better.” She paused and drew a breath. “Sorry, I promised myself I’d try to be neutral, I really did, but it’s hard to support someone when you think they’re making a mistake.”
Victoria took a swig of wine, annoyed that its calming properties weren’t kicking in. She could really use them right about now. Everything Clem said was basically true, but it didn’t feel great to hear it put so bluntly.
“Well, I’m grateful you tried,” she said. “That’s more than my parents did.”
“Have you ever asked yourself why they kept their distance?”
“I assume they no longer care,” Victoria replied with a small shrug.
“Has it ever crossed your mind that they couldn’t bear to watch anymore? If all they ever asked was whether you were still with Drew, don’t you think that was the thing that mattered most to them?” She leaned in slightly. “I think they were protecting themselves — and trying to protect their relationship with you. What would’ve happened if they’d stayed? If they kept pushing, kept trying to persuade you to leave him?”
“I would have walked away from them.”
“Exactly,” Clem exhaled, leaning back. “They didn’t want to lose you. And I don’t want to lose you either, but I also can’t lie to you, so I feel I need to say all this. The people who succeed aren’t the ones who never fall. They’re the ones who keep getting back up. Youhaveto fall to get back up, Victoria. Every step, even the failed ones, still move you forward.”
“Says she who is afraid of failure.”
Clem rolled her eyes. “You’re more powerful than you know. You hold all the power, and yet you won’t wield it. You let fear control you. Use it. Take what you want and don’t accept no for an answer. There’s a reason he hasn’t divorced you, and it’s not because he cares.”
Did Drew not even care about her anymore? Did she care about him? Victoria wasn’t sure.
As if sensing her uncertainty, Clem went on. “He showed you how much you mattered when he turned up late to your birthday party — with another woman waiting in the car. He’s humiliating you. This isn’t an agreement; it’s abuse — and you’re allowing it. The only person who can stop it is you. If your marriage isn’t working for you, then follow your heart. Like you said I should.”
She wanted to. God, she wanted to. But it wasn’t that simple. Why couldn’t Clem see that? She stood, pushed her chair in, and leaned on the back of it.
“I get that you can’t bring yourself to hit the button, Victoria, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t need hitting. Sometimes we have to rip off the plaster, get it over with. It beats sitting around festering, hoping someone else will so we don’t have to feel like we’re at fault or a failure. But he won’t, and I bet it’s because he’s more scared than you are. If he was going to divorce you, he would have done it already.” Clem got up and walked around the table to join her. “He’s not worthy of you.”
“I know that,” Victoria cried out, pressing her hands against her ribs. Her insides ached with emotion.
“Then why stay?” Clem pleaded.
“Because I’m scared, Clem. Fucking scared. More so than he could ever be.”
Clem stepped closer, concern softening her face.
Victoria’s breath caught in her throat. “Everything wasfine until you came along,” she choked out. “It was working.My lifewas working.”
Clem bit her lip. “It wasn’t, though, was it?” she murmured.
Victoria shut her eyes. There was a long silence, broken only by the sound of a deep and painful breath. “No.”
“He’s got you, and he’s thrown you away. Discarded you like trash. If you were mine, I’d worship you every damn day. Hell… I will anyway.”
The tears came before Victoria could stop them, hot and humiliating.
Clem reached out, gently wiping them from her cheeks, then pulled her into a hug. Victoria let out a long, shuddering breath. God, she needed that — to be held — held by Clem. She wanted to stay in her arms forever.
“I’m sorry,” Clem whispered. “This has nothing to do with me. I have no right to demand anything of you.”
But she was wrong; so wrong. “No.” Victoria pulled back far enough to meet her eyes. “It haseverythingto do with you.” Before she could lose her nerve, before doubt or common sense could creep in, she closed the gap between them and kissed her.
