Page 94 of Barging In
“And it’s time to work on your own restoration now. Rebuild yourself, piece by piece. Start livingand not simply surviving,” Jasper urged her gently.
“I know it’s been over for years,” Victoria admitted, “but I found this sort of plateau where things worked — just about — as I rebuilt the wharf and carved out a life away from him. It was working until…”
“Until Clem the Catalyst came crashing in?”
“Mmm. Something like that,” Victoria said with a noisy exhale, but she could feel her mouth pulling into a smile.
“It’s not our actions we should fear; it’s our inactions. They’re what keep us trapped. I want you to be happy, Vic, living your best life. If that means divorcing that asshole, do it. Don’t worry about me. You think I want all this at your expense? Be happy. See where things with Clem lead.”
Victoria raised an eyebrow at him.
“Don’t give me that face. Since she moored up, you’ve looked at nothing else.”
“Yes… I have feelings for her,” Victoria admitted, knowing those feelings were only getting stronger.
“Feelings?” Jasper prompted.
“Okay,” she said on an exhale. “I think I’m falling in love with her.”
Jasper threw his hands up in the air. “And finally, she admits it!”
Vic sighed. “I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way she does.” Goosebumps rippled over her skin at the thought of Clem. “I love her passion. She’s got more substance in her little finger than Drew has in his entire body.”
“It’s great you feel that way about her. I’m feeling the same way about Max. We should both go for it, and we’ll do all we can to keep this place.” He gave her a wicked grin and held out his hand for a shake. “So, let’s go into battle if we have to, and fight — together.”
Victoria was about to accept his cheeky handshake when the phone on her desk rang.
“Hello? Uh-huh. Okay, send him through.” She placed the phone back down. “Your young man is here to see me.”
“Ah. I believe that will be about our outbuilding.”
She lifted an enquiring eyebrow at him. “I assume that has something to do with Clem. She mentioned after her tour that she knew someone who might be interested.”
Jasper shook his head admiringly. “She doesn’t even work for us, and she’s already improving our prospects.”
“Mmm,” Victoria mumbled. “Oh, that reminds me: She had a couple of ideas for changes in the museum, too. Really good ones.”
“Oh, no doubt she has,” he said with a wry smile. “I’m always happy to take advice on board. I’ll leave you to negotiate.” He left the room, only for his head to pop back around the door. “Please think about what I said. And Vic, I’m always here if you want to talk.”
Victoria gave him a nod, already tired of talking, tired of going around in circles. What was she even going to negotiate with Max? How much longer would the wharf be within her control to negotiate over? She was feeling increasingly distant from it, like something had shifted inside her. Was it some kind of protection mode coming into play to shield her from the pain of losing it? It was all she’d thought about for the last few weeks. Perhaps the wharf hadn’t saved her after all; it had simply become her captor. She wasn’t sure anymore.
But she felt the time was coming; she felt compelled to find the strength and confidence to do what she’d avoided for years. Not just because of Clem, with her maddening ability to unpick every thread of restraint, but because it was hanging over her, weighing her down no matter how much she pretended it wasn’t. Maybe it was time to leave the strange, suspended state she’d been drifting in since leaving London.
She had left to start over, to dull the pain of a life lost, and to escape the ghosts of hopes and dreams that no longer belonged to her. But even if she’d left, she’d stayed tethered to it all. The wharf had promised her an escape, yes, but it also anchored her — no, shackled her to her old life, a version of herself she didn’t feel represented her any longer. A shadow she was too fearful to outrun.
And then Clem had appeared, all intensity and light, stirring something in her she hadn’t felt since the day she first roamed the dank, empty floors of the wharf and believed it might be her salvation. Now, she was beginning to see something else. Possibility. Renewed hope, renewed dreams. The freedom to choose; to shape a future with no rules. She needed to accept losing the wharf and the house were real possibilities, but she wouldn’t walk away with nothing; that much she knew.
Should she wield the power Clem seemed to think she held? Take what she wanted? If it didn’t work out, she could start again. It didn’t feel so scary anymore with Jasper’s support, and hopefully Clem’s. Losing the Primrose Hill house and gaining all that heartbreak had eventually led her to the wharf.
Perhaps the next leap might carry her somewhere even better if she could summon the confidence to take itand the courage to believe. She needed to reclaim her self-respect, set boundaries, and believe she was the main character in her own story. Like Clem had said, the end of something didn’t have to mean the end of everything. It could be the start of something new. Maybe that something included Clem, if Victoria hadn’t already spoiled her chances.
She might have feelings for Clem, but as Clem suggested, she needed to make decisions for herself. The trouble was it felt impossible to make any decision without considering her. She’d tried to stay away this past week, tried to be sensible, to stay grounded and to think clearly, but her body ached for Clem like a fish ached for water. One taste hadn’t been enough. She wanted more.
But did she want it enough to face Drew? To bring her house of cards crashing down? He didn’t love her or care for her, and he certainly wasn’t driven by duty. All he cared about was money. Maybe Clem was right to question why Drew was ‘keeping’ her just as much as she was clinging to him.
Was it time to rip off the plaster Clem spoke of, get it over and done with? Face her losses and gains, whatever they might be?
CHAPTER 21
